Monday, June 2, 2008

Little humanity

They are indiginous to all places of the globe (and beyond, maybe). Most likely they can be found among giant wooden or plastic gymnasium equipment - in places called "parks". They frequent toy rooms and bathtubs, as well. These miniscule humans, called "children" practice many survivalist behaviors. In my observations, it doesn't matter the culture most behaviors are shared among them all - at least in the beginning. Some common fuels for these minute beings are sugar charged juices, either in pouches or boxes; candy of any kind; and often french fries. These items of canned energy are not recommended by anyone, but they do tend to calm the savage beasts from time to time (though only momentarily, as the sugar eventually kicks in). Sometimes we resort to anything to quell the crying, whining or flat out yelling. Basic sustenance does not require chicken nuggets, cheeseburgers, tacos or any other fast food - I just find all of the above handy in an eating (or rather, non- eating) crisis.

On playgrounds & in toy rooms, these tiny humans exhibit dangerous activities! Things that, as adults, would deem us insane & have us committed for years. For example - in a rage, these "children" will throw large toys, rocks and whatever else they can pick up. I have seen the destruction, especially when a sibling or other child is in the line of fire! Just today I observed the "mine-claw". I am willing to wager all of us have experienced this, but if you happen to be unfamiliar with it, I'll explain. This "mine-claw" is the action of raising a hand high over one's head, hand in a claw, swooping the hand menacingly toward the toy in question to snatch it out of the hand of another while wailing or screaming "MINE!". This is usually due to the fact that the first child either set the toy down or had it taken forcefully away from them. It is a dangerous thing to see & it's best to keep your distance until the deed is done, lest you get clawed yourself.

Some other treacherous behaviors include: jumping from the highest points of the play equipment (fearless, it's scary!); jumping from the swings or swinging hilly-nilly, nearly hitting other swingers or passers-by; running without watching where one is going - this behavior tends to hurt the runner more than anyone else; spinning uncontrollably, again, tends to waiver the little one doing the spinning because of certain dizziness causing the drunken walk or run; climbing the furniture & crawling about things that shouldn't be accessed by such small humans; sometimes they even resort to primitive tribal dances e.g., stomp & wail, jump & spit, tongue waggle & throwing the body on the floor - those are just a few you may have seen; something new to some of you may be the knee slam - the act of jumping straight up & landing squarely on the knees.

Bathtub behavior can also be alarming. It is necessary to mention the bathtub activities because some of them need to be corrected as quickly as possible! You will find these "children" swilling bathwater from the rinse cup; blowing fart bubbles with or without the use of the mouth; playing dive bomber from the side of the tub (depth of the water seems to be unknowable); submerging the head for too long, causing slight choking; & making surfable waves without understanding the consequence of a flooded bathroom.

All of these behaviors are exhibited without regard to how mom (or dad) looks or feels or even how we may respond. It's all a part of the learning process for us & for them. Eventually, they grow larger & learn that there are limits to their humanity and mortality. We have to find the patience to hinder the barbarian behaviors and mentor the calmer, gentler nature through the adolescent years of small humans. Those adolescent years are another ballgame entirely. Once I get through with the last female child in my household, I will share my knowledge with you. She is only 4, so we have years to go. Wish me luck!

(really, really lame lack of sleep rant - done!)


Talisman said...

I have 3 sons and it takes all my effort, sometimes, to NOT yell "OMG you're going to crack your head open -- stop that!!" at what they are doing. I remember doing many of the same things as a kid, and now I know why my mother has gray hair. LOL

Blarney said...

I used to try to 'protect' my kids at all costs - even when other parents thought I was a freak. Today I pretty much let my kids do whatever within reason and as long as they don't hurt anyone else ... now I am just to tired to be the 'protective' parent.


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