Saturday, October 4, 2008

Dock man at his finest

I'd love to post pictures of him, but he's rather camera shy. I have known since I started to really blog, that Dock would make for great blogging fodder. That is still the case, but now, I know I can post more about him because even if I set my blog as his home page, he wouldn't read unless there were sports or big boobies on the page. I am safe!

Dock is a very silly man. He is constantly amusing his children & me (most of the time). He likes to sing very badly. He makes up his own words for songs that we all love, making his singing even more dreadful. He likes to challenge the kids with this "wind-up" hand/arm thing he does (I must capture this on camera to show you - only he's usually under-clothed when he does it).

He likes to quote lines from movies, i.e. "Who am I?" he'll ask one of the kids. They'll look at him with a silly smile or ask "Who?". He'll answer with "Carliiittooooo. Carlito Brigante!". He's always telling them "You can't handle the truth!" when they ask him a question or "Is that clear?" and remind them they need to respond with "crystal". These movie quotes I'm mentioning are among his favorites, but there are many, many more.

He's sarcastic (and needs to learn when it's not appropriate to be so sarcastic & not to be a hypocrite about sarcasm coming from his oldest) and often a real goober. Not to mention we've had a few - I'll call them mishaps - these last few weeks.

He's the one who's always right & the boss. (I'm saying yes & shaking my head no because we all know the truth in our households) He is very much a "do as I say, not as I do" kind of guy. For example, if he locks his keys in the car, this is no farce or inconvenience to anyone. It's an accident, pure & simple. If I do it, well, all hell breaks loose & I am irresponsible or not thinking clearly enough. I've done this twice in my driving lifetime.

If he runs out of gas (which I have NEVER done), it is clearly an oversight. It is no fault of his because he was just trying to make it that extra few miles to the gas station because he knows how far his car can make it. Really?

In the last month & a half, he has run out of gas TWICE and locked his keys in his car.

The first instance of running out of gas he was at work, still, & one of his work buddies was there to help him out. The second time, I got a phone call before 7am telling me that he was "not too far" from home & on the side of the road. I have to run my boys to school by 7:30. I run out to meet him - and luckily, he really wasn't that far away - bring our gas can, pick him up (I was in no mood to stop to fill a gas can, maybe that's mean, but I wouldn't do it that time of the morning), we run to the gas station here in town, fill the can & head back over to the car. I got home just in time to take the boys to school. I made Dock take them. ;)

This past Wednesday morning, I get a phone call around 3am. I am a bit of a night owl, I sleep for a few hours, get up & get the boys off, then take a short nap til the girly gets up. He was lucky to catch me, as I was getting ready to sleep. I was very. very. tired that night. Here's how that went:

Me: (stretching and yawning) Hey!

Dock: Hi, you still up?

Me: Yes, but I'm getting ready to go to bed, why?

Dock: Well, I have a little problem.

Me: (sensing folly, suppressing a heavy sigh) What?

Dock: Well, you see *soft, nervous chuckle* (anytime he starts this way, I know a big favor is coming from my end), I think I locked my keys in the car. *more slight goober chuckling*

Me: What do you mean "you think"?

Dock: I can't see because the windows are all dewey, but I think they are in there because I can't find them anywhere else.

Me: Ah-huh.

Dock: Right when I got to work, I had a minute (literally) to get in there & I also got a call from "Miklish". After I hung up, I just closed the door. I didn't realize I didn't have my keys until I went to get my bid.

Me: Yeah...?

Dock: Do you think you could come unlock my doors for me?

Me: Dude...I'm really tired. Isn't there something else you can do, get a ride home or something? (he works an hour away from our house, the kids are all sleeping and I really was pooped. My eyes were drooping.)

Dock: Well, I could get a ride from Ray, if he's up for it. I don't know if he'll do it, though. Plus, I need to turn in my bid. I have to do that tonight. Or, I could always break the window & we'll be out $250 to get it fixed.

Me: (in my head "ASS!!" plus, the really heavy sigh escapes and I pause for a long time) Well...

Dock: (he always offers me food for favors - I don't know why) If you come get me, you can stop for Steak & Shake or something on the way back. (I can see the cheeseball, goober grin of hope)

Me: I'm too tired to eat, but I'll come get you into your car. (another really heavy sigh)

So, I gather up the daughter, I couldn't fathom leaving her behind with her 2 older brothers. I didn't want to wake Andy because he was sleeping soundly and had school in a few hours - with Kyle here, I figured they'd be alright. I left a note for Kyle. If Andy got up (I thought) he'd wake Kyle & then they'd read the note to know what was up. I truly hoped Dew'd sleep the whole time I was gone. I got back 2 hours later, came into the house, noticed a pile of something ick at the top of the stairs with what looked like a partial toeprint in it.

Apparently, Dew woke up just as I was leaving (and this was my very biggest worry). He explained (when I asked) that a loud car woke him up. I believe that loud car was the garage door closing and I'd checked on him after I opened the garage, to see if that would wake him - it didn't. I am utterly baffled he didn't wake his brother up. I left lights on & the TV on (I know bad, but I felt safer that way). As much of a CHICKEN that boy is, he waited patiently & fearlessly in bed for me to return. I know he was fearless because he didn't act frightened or frazzled in any way. He didn't even notify me he was up until I started to clean up the ick at the top of the stairs. He did get up when the cat puked up a hairball and something plastic looking & stepped in it and made sure to tell me where I'd missed when I cleaned it up.

With Kyle being 14, a good kid, both of them asleep and the school day only a few hours away, I knew they'd be alright. I only worried that Andy would seriously freak if he woke up & couldn't find me. He was a brave boy and I told him so.

When we went to lay down for a few (I think we had an hour before I had to get them up), I realized he couldn't stop coughing. We went into the kitchen to struggle with getting him to take medicine. That's always a fight and this night (morning) was no exception. It took me a half hour to get him to take something for that cough. Andy stayed home from school because of his cough and because I knew he didn't get enough sleep. When his dad got home half an hour later, I wanted to KICK him.

Dock man did take Kyle to school. I was a tad bit grateful for that. The farce of the locked up keys was over.


Susie said...

What a nightmare! When are they going to invent voice activated entry?

Capricorn said...

You know, your lucky to have a relationship like that. Im still waiting for anything along those lines, and it hasnt happened yet. It wouldnt even matter if it was a little disfuntional (insert laugh here)

Mamahut said...'s a love hate thing huh? Have a good weekend.


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