Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I have to say last weekend was probably one of the most trying weekends of my life. I have 4 kids, so what does this tell you?
It would be so pleasurable to google "reformatting windows" and actually find more than the steps you take to reformat, what happens when you reformat (your HD is wiped clean - supposedly, I'll get into that later), what other steps to take to avoid reformatting, several methods of reformatting. It would have been really nice if I could have found a resource that told me EXACTLY what to expect to have to do before , during & after a reformat. Once Windows is reinstalled, especially when reinstalling from a reinstallation DVD/CD provided by the company you purchased your computer from, rather than actual Windows software (invest the additional $10 to get it - if you get your computer from Dell) there were several other things I had to do in order for my computer to be back to the state it was when I got it. I filtered through an immense amount of tutorials & step by step guides, spent hours tolling these info sites trying to find the information I needed to no avail. Wing it.
Let us begin...
I had to reformat because when I turned my computer on last Friday afternoon after a power outage of sorts, I encountered an error/warning unlike any other. Before I could access my log in screen the warning told me there was a missing or not found .dll file. If there was a work around for that, I couldn't find it. Everything I searched for that particular .dll came up with information on how to solve the problem within Windows. I couldn't get into Windows. Period. Not via safe mode, not via command prompt, nothing. I could, however, access my set-up menu & boot menu. All hope was not lost.
I spent Friday doing pretty much nothing. I find it amazing how much the computer keeps me busy. I had everything else in my life taken care of except for a couple of things I was working on for my internet job. Since the lifeline to my work was lost, I had nothing to hang my hat on. Yes, I did get bored, especially after the kids went to bed. I spent Friday night on Dock's 'puter searching, documenting, printing what I could to harness information on how to refortmat without a hitch (yeah...right).
Saturday - cue frenzied, violent instrumental music, cause that was what it felt like. I gathered up all of my pertinent information. I sat down with all of the disks, plus documentation, I needed to reformat & attempted to start the process. I pop in the first, most important OS reinstallation disk. Nothing but the same message. After some searching (mostly common sense), I find I have to figure out how to get my computer to recognize the optical drive first in order for that process to boot first.
I go into my set-up menu (F12 on my computer) and select the processes submenu (I have to verify this the next time I reboot, you'd think I'd remember after the hell it put me through). I then change the order of the processes so the computer will boot the DVD drive first. Only I have a problem, my DVD drive isn't on this menu. I call a friend who has family in the pc building business - hardware experts. She calls him & calls me back & explains a few things - better information than I ever found on the net. Side note: if ever this happens to you - it's most useful to know someone who has immense knowledge on this subject. Trust me. Only I realize, while the imformation I was given for this reformatting process is useful, I still don't know how to get my computer to allow me to boot my DVD drive first.
I headed back into my set-up menu. I went through the other menus (I'll have to tell you later which menu had the info that made me realize what was wrong - an "A-HA!" moment) and found that the CD drive was the "master" and the DVD was the "slave". This has to do with the way the drives are plugged into the power supply. Since my reinstallation disk was in DVD format, I had to switch the plugs. I don't know what to call the plugs on the cable, nor do I really know what to call the cable, but one should get the jist of it with this information, I hope.
I've had my hands in my tower before. I installed a new power supply several months ago, I switched out my video card months after I got my computer, and I've been in there to do other things when my computer was been acting wonky. I do know my way around there - enough. Enough to switch the plugs around, at least.
**I'll have to finish this up another time. I have responsibilities a-calling. I hope someone somewhere will stumble across this if they ever have to do-it-yourself reformat. I also hope that if they do, the information I provide will help them through it. I will only re-edit this post, not start another one. This way all of the information is in one post.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Lovely...an error message & I can't get into Windows. I dont' think I fried any components because I can get into my boot menu, I can run the utility (which I am doing now & it takes a loooooong time), I can get into set up. I was trying to reformat, but the comp won't read the disk in the drive. SO, now I have to try the tips I got from my friends Billie's computer whiz cousin & see if it works. If it doesnt, I will have to take it in to someone.
The cousin sounded positive, rather than gloom & doom, when she told him the problem, so hopefully, his tips work for me.
In the meantime - all I can do is blog & reply to emails. Anything graphic intensive is put on hold until I reformat (which I wanted to do, but didn't want to be forced into). I can't even get on this computer til late in the afternoon - after Dockman gets up. *sigh* What will I do with myself?
Talk (to someone, maybe)
Fun day tomorrow! Unless I can get me reformatted. Wish me luck that I didn't fry anything & I can get it all sorted!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I mentioned we were going through the Archdiocese of Denver. All throughout, I think my parents thought I was seriously considering putting Steven up for adoption. I think I honesty considered it for 10 minutes.
Steven went to a foster home for 2 days - a very long & distraught 2 days. The family was supposed to discuss the ordeal & decide. My decision was already made. I wanted to keep him. All it took for us to collectively "decide" was my dad telling me "if this is what you really want, then I'm behind you."
Another golden moment on the part of dad. Monday morning September 21, 1986 Steven was my son for life.
Getting away from this subject - today is my dad's birthday! He's 60 years old - sheesh! If any one of you knew my dad - you'd know that age is just a number. He's so not a 60 year old in nature.
I remember the balloon I gave to him when he was turning 40. The grim reaper with a plate of cake in one hand, his trusty sickle in the other. The message on the balloon - "Relax, I'm just here for the cake."
I remember fighting & screaming, often. I remember giving him countless headaches - sometimes because of the fighting, sometimes because of the things I did.
I remember him being supportive of me, even when we butted heads & disagreed. I remember him standing up for me in a place I didn't ever want to be, regarding circumstances no one should ever endure. He was my voice when I didn't have one.
I remember laughing - so much! I remember watching tv with both my parents in their bedroom. Not because it was the best tv in the house - it was only 13 inches, but because we were all together in there. And I didn't even like some of the tv shows he loved to watch.
I remember his great phrases - "Well, pissonya, then" and most infamously "I'm a snot (I must not)!" I remember when he was pissed at Jay for putting his car too close to the driveway when mom needed jump & dad left mom's car door open. Bye, bye door.
I remember his sarcastic humor - funny, I married a dude that shares that trait with him.
I remember him always loving me - through thick & thin. He didn't plant the seed, but he is my dad.
Now back to regularly scheduled programming.
(I'll finish my story - I know it's not as exciting as it was in the beginning, but it gets good again.)
I have to catch up on some bloggy love, too.
Friday, August 15, 2008
It's very difficult raising children as an adult. One just doesn't, no matter how smart they are, have the mental capacity to do it at such a young age. Hell, I don't think I had the mental capacity at age 25, and I still sometimes think I'm lacking now. There are no training courses - well, there are, but IMHO they do NOT cover real, everyday occurences. They give scenarios & do a whole mumbo jumbo about how we are supposed to react. In real life, it's a whole other ball game.
My parents were awesome - for their reaction, for their commitment, for their support. That's as far as it goes, though. I had a rocky relationship with my dad before & after all this. You have no idea how how much he surprised me - that's why it was the most important thing he ever did for me (after this, there were a few other really important milestones for me & he came through for those, too). My mom, well. We didn't ever communicate well. I always knew she loved me, though - I never doubted that.
I also realized, this isn't anything to brag about or be proud of. That isn't what I'm doing here. I hope everyone understands that. Raising Steven part time did me more pain than good - as much as I know I shouldn't, I still harbor much guilt. I wish I'd have had the wherewithal to stay the raising, to keep him instead of give him up. That came when he was 2. Maybe my story can help someone else through a time in their life. Maybe parents will read & realize how important it is to do everything in their power to EDUCATE their kids on abstinence or birth control, but especially what having a child so young would do to their lives. Parents who already have a teen having a child - don't take the power or responsibility from that teen. Allow them their decisions. The regrets & triumphs are then theirs to bear. Consequences are a staple of life. To be a better person is the result.
A friend of mine was reading & she didn't recall me telling her this (I know I did, though, silly girl). She asked me why I didn't just tell them, when I knew they had the test & were planning to have me take it. I just couldn't do that. I couldn't tell them, even though I knew they knew. I think on some level, I really thought I could keep it from them.
Okay - all that off my chest...
The pregnancy was pretty smooth. When my dad took me to the OB/GYN, I was 12 weeks (or so) along. Back then prenatal vitamins were the size of horse pills. I gagged one down every day. I went to regular visits and progressed along happily.
3 funny things that happened during the pregnancy -
First, we did the "Hands Across America" thing - any of you remember that? We drove to New Mexico (from Colorado) to participate in it. The whole trip I was debilitatingly hormonal. Very, very, very bad. I have no idea how my parents dealt with me, but I know my dad laughed at me a lot - I was ridiculous with the attitude. The only thing I enjoyed about it was the swimming pool.
When it was time to connect the people across America, I was determined to break the chain. I absolutely refused to be a part of it. My mom finally got me to participate she worked on me ALL DAY, but the tears were evident and I was not really holding hands, they were. Come to find out later, the whole thing was a flop anyhow. I think now that it was successful, even if we all weren't connected, thousands & thousands of people set out to make it happen.
Second, I was around 7 months along & mom got rear ended with me & my little brother in the car - by a teen no less. I was mortified by her reaction. It was not much more than a tap, really, but she jumped out of the car, almost forgetting to put it in park. She stormed to the girl's car & started yelling at her about how her "pregnant daughter and young son" were in the car. That the "girl was very careless not watching what she was doing & she shouldn't have her license". I know that isn't exactly how it went, but close. I love you, Mom. She repeated those phrases several times over the course of it all.
Last, Steven was due on the 13th of September. That was my grandpa's birthday. Grandpa'd died 3 years before, so I was hoping it would happen. No dice.
I went for my weekly prenatal visit on Sept. 16. Things were fine - or so I thought. They hooked me up to the monitor because the Dr. was claiming I was having contractions & regular ones! I was feeling nothing. This was cruise control, baby!
I was excited because everyone kept telling me how much it would hurt & it DIDN'T! My mom was f r e a k i n g out! We stayed there & they monitored me for about 2 hours. The contractions were regular & evenly spaced time wise, so they sent me to the hospital. All I could feel was the tightening of my stomach muscles, yahoo-ey, easy as pie! Plus, mom had taken me to birthing classes & I thought I had it all wrapped up.
Mom was still f r e a k i n g out & it got worse when she put me in her car to drive to the hospital. She kept repeating "Don't have this baby in my car, PLEASE don't have this baby in my car!" Obviously, they were B&H contractions. They stopped in the middle of the night.
Because I was young & overdue, they induced with a pitossin drip. It dripped for several hours & when the pain came, the pain was unbearable. When I just couldn't take it any more, enter the anesthesiologist. I need to mention that all of the drs & nurses were singing my praises to my mom about how I was so polite & calm for someone so young having a baby.
Epidural time & it worked - beautifully. Until about 40 minutes before I delivered. I began to feel the most intense pain I've ever felt (til I had Kyle -UGH!) all on my left side. It was wild because my entire right side was completely relaxed & my left was entirely tensed, fingers gripping, toes curled, leg bent up.
They re-juiced me & it didn't work. About 15 minutes before delivery, I remember hearing them tell mom baby was crowning. I got a shot of Demerol (the only shot ever in my life, too) - for real! I remember being wheeled to delivery & asking my mom some outlandish questions & when she looked quizzically at me with a "HUH?!?" I said "Nevermind.."
Steven was born at 12:18 (or 13) am on 9-18-1986. My birthday was the very next day. What a present.
More later - during the pregnancy, we went through the Archdiosese of Denver, considering adoption. Steven had to leave us for a weekend. That'll be next, and brief.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I did NOT want to pee on the little tab. I knew. I knew because until I got pregnant, I was clockwork. I knew what I did to get that way. I just knew I was pregnant - I already had his name picked out. I reiterated that I didn't need to.
"Just.take.the.test!" he repeated.
In the meantime, mom's a wreck. She can't believe I just admitted to having sex, let alone getting preggers. I know this is what she's thinking because she's saying it quietly under her breath.
Let the fun begin...waiting on baited tendrils. There is silence, for real - pin drop silence (occasionally they'd whisper to one another, like they were plotting my demise). Waiting that loooong 15 minutes for the test to return its results.
Finally, I'm watching it change. Of course it's positive. Even though I know, it was a hard thing to do - showing it to them. I waited until someone asked. Then I just handed it over. The real fun starts now...
My dad throws his hands up in the air & starts yelling. Not at me, through me. Then he just rants around, literally. We have a dividing wall between our living room & kitchen, which can be entered on both sides. He's going around & around and around, just yelling into the air. Yelling things I won't repeat. Even at the time, I knew it wasn't necessarily directed at me. It was a situational thing.
Mom was crying quietly, I was pretty much bawling. They were so disappointed. I didn't expect to be so moved by that part. I was expecting to be yelled at. I was expecting anger, but in my mind I didn't expect to be hurting so much by their disappointment.
This lasted for about 30 minutes. I asked to go to bed. Mom gave me a hug & told me we would work it all out & everything would be fine. I don't think she believed it, but she said it.
I went up to my bed & nearly cried myself to sleep. Right before I was about to be out, my dad came in & startled me when he opened the door.
"Lex," he said quietly, "are you asleep?"
"Not yet," I said.
"I just wanted you to know that I am behind you. We'll get you in to see a doctor & work it all out from there. We need to know how far along you are, if everything's going alright and stuff like that. (long pause) I love you."
"I love you, too, dad." When he left, my crying started fresh. Of all the things my dad ever said to me, I think that was the most important - ever.
Monday, August 11, 2008
As many of you may have read, I had a child quite young. The whole experience is recount worthy, but I've given a good smidge there & now I'll give some more.
I was in 9th grade junior high when I found out I was pregnant. The way my parents found out is a whole other thing. They didn't really "find out" per se, they investigated. My dad made a comment one day about how big my boobs were getting. Not a creepy, weirdo comment but a dad thinking "the worst may have happened" comment. I was trouble as a youngster. Always. I'm not going to interject that it came from something, but it did (sorry for the contradiction).
His troubled daughter is growing boobs at an exhorbitant rate of speed. Any adult would understand, but being a young teen - I had no clue how telling that was. I had a scheduled foot appointment on a Thursday morning. I had something on the bottom of my foot that was painful, so I was going to get it removed (turns out it was an ingrown wart & had to be frozen, but that's neither here no there.). Dad comes to pick me up from school & we head on to the Dr.
Dad stops for gas. I notice a bag between the seats of the truck. It's a Safeway bag, semi-opaque & I flatten the plastic to see what's inside. Yes, I was nosy. Remember, it's Thursday. My mind froze when I read. I froze inside & I felt those nervous jitters, tingles starting in my head & making their way to my hands, then all the way down to my feet. I almost cried because I knew I was in trouble. I couldn't though - then he would know I was snooping.
When I think back, I have no idea if he wanted me to look. Because I know him, maybe there was a little snark in leaving the pregnancy test between the seats in a semi-opaque bag.
I go through the foot appointment, everything's cool. Next morning, Friday - I get up, get ready, race to the bus stop. Even though I know my dad's already gone, I still hurry & leave. The whole day I am CONSUMED by the idea that my parents are going to make me take a pregnancy test. I know why, because I'm pregnant - but they don't know that...yet. Or so I think. I talked to my closest friends about this, they think I'm so busted. After school, you know I took my time walking from the bus stop.
Friday evening - dinner was nice, parents are happy. There's no discussion about the thing. Nothing, nada, zip. Still sweating we make it to ...
Saturday. Usually, my dad doesn't let us sleep in. If he's up, it's his philosophy that we are, too. Saturday is cleaning day & the sooner we all get it done, the more of the day we have left. I HATED that he didn't let us sleep in, but this Saturday, I was the exception...hmmmmm.
Yes, the rest of Saturday was completely uneventful and I got to sleep in. I spent some time with my friends, I called my friends, I hung out in my room. Nothing, nada, zip.
Sunday rolls around. I went to bed kind of early Saturday so I was up a little early, too. I noticed over the course of the weekend, my parents are acting happier, sillier & having more fun than usual. Maybe this is my teen brain working overtime - knowing they have this ugly plan to attack with the PT at any moment. Or that they are privy to some special event that's about to happen in our humble abode - and they will come away victorious. I don't know what caused me to see things this way, but they really seemed to be enjoying watching me sweat.
ALL DAY Sunday - nothing, nada, zip. Monday means early to bed. I go extra early - explaining that "I'm just really tired tonight..". I give kisses & hugs & am walking up the stairs. I am a step away from the top landing & 5 steps from the freedom of my bedroom when I hear "Lex, your mom & I need to talk to you."
Calmy, he says that, too calmly. Neither parent is in my view at the bottom of the stairs. I am toast & I know it. "Why?" I ask....duh!
As I proceed ever so slowly down the stairs, I begin to cry. Tears have welled & over flowed already because I know. I go into the kitchen & they are standing there - like a united front. Two against one. I'm an utterance away from bawling. He pulls the test off the counter - where it was sitting right before I went to bed (I forgot to mention, it no longer had it's fancy semi-opaque cover when I saw it. Right before I said I was too tired to stay up. Standing right in front of me on the counter. Just before I headed up stairs.). I wasn't bawling, not really, just some heaving sobs escaped. I couldn't look at either of them. My dad asked me why I was crying (and he was smirking - for real!). I said in the best possible composure I could muster:
"Because I do-don't *heavy cry sigh* n-nee-need to t-take that t-t-es-test. I-I already kno-kno-know *hiccup*. I'm p-pregnan-nt."
I looked up to see them look at each other. My mom threw her hands to her mouth and her eyes saucered. My dad's smirk disappeared. I guess in all their anticipation, I thwarted their plan, they somehow forgot that it could be true - I may very well have been pregnant.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I gets to give this to 5 more bloggy friends - hmmmm...this is too hard to think about, because there are quite a few of you who do deserve it. I think there are too many of you who have kick ass blogs. See how you are?
1. Amber - because even though she doesn't always post, when she does it's memorable & almost always cracks me up!
2. Candace - because she is the funniest Crazy Texas Mommy I know in the blogosphere or in real life (I know plenty of crazy mommies, just none from Texas). I like real reads & good ones & she has that!
3. Danielle - even though I don't oft see her, I do visit & she has the tendency to make me spit stuff. Not only that, but she has a warm & fuzzy side, too. There's something about blogs that split my insides, though. If you make me laugh, I think you're kick ass.
4. Scribbler - this blog is just a really good read. Everytime I start, it's like a book I can't put down. I don't know how she'll accept being a kick ass blogger, because she keeps to herself. I just want her to know that I think she is.
5. Sunshine - because she is awesome - period.
Now you all get to choose 5 other bloggers that you feel are kick ass.
Let them know that they have received an award, link back to both the person who awarded you and also http://www.mammadawg.com/
Visit the Kick Ass Blogger Club HQ , to get codes click here and it will take you to KABC HQ, sign Mr. Linky then pass it on!
Lotsa mumbo jumbo & I do it for the fun of it. Have fun!
Friday, August 8, 2008
My kids love blowing bubbles during bathtime. I think it's because they can hold them, they don't pop as easily and they stick to your face & stuff!
Join the Fun!
Friday's Foto Finish Fiesta
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
I'm thinking Baseball is wanting a new hobby - collecting things from WWII. He saw several things in a couple antique stores that he "had to have". There was an old munitions box for only $8.50. We are heading back out there on Thursday for a car show, so maybe he can get that. He also saw some old muskets in one of the stores there. He was pretty pumped about that. To hold it, I think, would bring him an overload of joy.
The movie theater was quite old & for me, it had that "very old people" smell in the upper level. The ladies room was upstairs & the layout was bringing me to a time I didn't exist in. It had a great ambience - a feeling of how it may have been in the 1940s. I could envision it there - the whole square, I could do that.
We saw Wall*E. I found it to be a very cute story. It had a good deal of really funny parts in it. The fact that there is little speaking in it makes it a better movie, different than what we're used to. The little ones were bored near the end. That was really when the movie started moving for me. It got exciting near the end. It was worth my 3 (x4) bucks - love the old theater pricing, too. Even the movie treats were cheap. A great experience, especially since we took a walk around the square before the show.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Nothing exciting did happen last night. I did talk to my dear old friend Shelly. Her youngest boy Travis answered the phone & he sounded so old. It brings me to realize just how big her kids must be. I dont' get to see her because she lives in Denver & I live here. Before her daughter developed asthma & a serious allergy to dogs, their family used to visit her hub's parents in nearby Griffith. That had me getting to spend time with her at least once a year.
It would be nice to have someone around I could just go & hang out with. Like her or Billie or Stacy or Nancy or Amanda. All my good friends live far, far away. Yes, I am whining (I am hormonal - that's my disclaimer). I get lonely sometimes for that good friendship. For someone to live nearby so I can just drop by & bullshit for a while. Talk about family, have a beer or a cuppa coffee. Even my damn sister in law lives too far away, and she's only an hour away. Plus, I can't just drop by her house, we need to plan it.
About all this blog stuff - I'd so love to get in on a big advert blog, but hey - I am not ready to devote time to it right now. I'm finding it difficult to get in here & post my stuff. The time I spend doing makeovers can sometimes make me not want to sit at the desk any more. You can only do so much of that in one day.
I love doing the makeovers, though. It's been a great outlet and I do find that it is so much easier to design for other people than it is to design for myself. I get frustrated with my own stuff. I'm grateful for the opportunity to work for others, let me tell you.
I think I'm going to go play some Hold 'em. I used to do that more - cards on Poker Stars.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
It's still August 2 (it felt like it was after midnight). I have not been blogging much. Staring a new business has been a little on the fruitful side. I am making people happy! For me, it's what's most important!
The kids are all fab - today we had a bit of frustration - on my part & Baseball had it in him to mention that he "wouldn't live under a dictatorship" in "his house". Come on, laugh with me. I am so not a dictator, it isn't even funny! While I am the main disciplinarian (why do we always get that job?), I am fun, too. Even he will tell people that. He likes me. It's good when your 13 (almost 14) year old likes you, no?
After his little meltdown, he is wanting me to let him play on my computer. I can't, with a clear head, allow him that because it is important to make sure he understands there is no reward for shitty behavior. And he was - very! The comment about the dictatorship I had to share because it amused me so. He.was.awful!
It's bedtime for Bonzo (Dew), so I'll be around. Maybe something interesting will happen to me while I'm away from the computer. Maybe...