The Life & Crimes of a Mom

One Life - fiction

2011-08-05T12:42:00.001-05:00

This piece is directly related to my recent post One Life for Eight Others. Some thoughts about what might happen to a serial killer upon and after death. I have a lot more in my head & I will see how it all plays out.

The last day on earth. God didn't find me in here, if there is one. So many of these assholes are fased by the Word and it sickens me. What the fuck kind of God creates a man like me? One who thrives on seeing death at the moment of it? One who fantasizes about making them suffer? One who loves killing?

All the other murderous souls have sought forgiveness. They find it, but not within themselves. Because like I know, they know too, it doesn't matter because we are all going to die. Why would I want to forgive something I love? Maybe I'm the only one, but I don't think so. I just think I'm the only one who's honest about it. They are all wanting the fantasy of a heaven. In my right mind, I can't fathom that anyone who's done the things I've done could find a place where all is good. The only good I know is what I've done & I don't think heaven is a killing place.

"Roberts," called the guard. "It's time for your menu."

"Yeah, I got it." I slid the paper across the opening in the door. They actually gave me a pen earlier. I wrote a little more than my menu.

I knew I only had so many hours left. I walked back over to the bench & laid down. I closed my eyes. There she was. I could see her so vividly and she was the end of me. I was used to the aversion of the gaze. I was used to the fear and the disgust and the pleading in their eyes, if I could catch a glimpse. But, oh ho, she was different. I think that's why she lived.

Her eyes lied to me. They looked straight into mine & lied. I saw a tinge of fear, the baby blues looked almost serene, and that told me she saw love. The calmness made me untie her hands. She wrapped them around me. I could feel her nails braise my skin lightly and I was looking, locked into her stare. I didn't know I'd let her go & in the moment, I was the one confused. I wanted what she was givin' so badly. She was so smart. She did deserve to live but if I saw her today, I'd rip her head clean from her body.

I got up & walked to look through the wire in the small window. It was 4:36, only a few more hours before it would all be over.

Gallant was watching the inmate with intensity. He wondered what the guy was going through. Gallant didn't feel sorry for him, not even a little. After having several conversations, because there wasn't much else to do on death row, he realized this guy was a true monster. Without a heart, without a soul - Jess Roberts was on his way to the only place he belonged, hell.

Gallant saw Jess look at the time. It was so hard for him not to think of what the inmate might be thinking. Was Jess afraid to die? He sure didn't seem like it. This was only the second lethal Gallant would be guarding. The other experience was vastly different, the inmate at the time, Freddie Claussen, was utterly shaken & remorseful for his acts. Gallant knows from his experience that most of them are only sorry for getting caught, sorry for themselves. Claussen seemed to be truly sorry for what he did and while he was a total basket case walking the mile, he was accepting of what was coming to him.

Roberts didn't look like a monster. He didn't have evil, beady black eyes like many of them did. He didn't have a spiked tail growing out of his ass or horns growing from his head, but Gallant thought he should have both. He was of medium build, a little on the tall side, not unassuming because he had boyish good looks. Roberts had a face with soft features & wide light brown eyes. Gallant knew that women fell for men like this and it was telling because of the amount of letters Jess Roberts had gotten in Gallant's short 4 year tenure on Death Row, all from women, all with photos and dribble of love.

Gallant was holding on to one last letter. It might be one of those things that enrages an inmate who is about to die. Gallant wanted everyone to be prepared for it. The woman who sent the letter asked that Gallant wait til the latest possible moment to give it to Roberts.

ConCrit is encouraged. I'd like to know what you see when you read, what does it make you feel like?

Monday Listicles - My Favorite Sci-fi

2011-08-01T06:00:00.001-05:00

Head on over to The Good Life to add your own fun list.

This week, I'm going with some of my all time favorite Science Fiction shows, most of them are recent. I didn't have a hankerin' for anything Sci-fi until 11 grade. I decided to take, of all types of classes, a Science Fiction class. I figured it would be cake & I needed a good elective. I didn't expect that I would excel in & enjoy that class. The first book I read for an assignment was The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury. While I don't remember it like I should, I do remember being enthralled by the stories within it. I aced several reports & it put my GPA in good standing for that first quarter of school. I dropped out shortly thereafter, but went to another school instead.

Most of these are relatively new shows. I know there are plenty of old shows that deserve some cred here, but I'm just wanting to tell you about my recent faves.

In no particular favorite order:

1. The X Files - no need to explain this one. Fox Mulder was enough reason to watch. I miss the abduction tales, the weird happenings & the Smoking Man.

2. The Outer Limits the one revised by Showtime in the early 90s. The original is good, too, just not one of my faves.

3. Haven - a newer show, only in it's second season, but so cool! It's based on Stephen King's short The Colorado Kid. The people in Haven suffer from "troubles". One particular woman was a taxidermist. She was angry for some reason or another (can't remember why) and all of her "clients" were coming back to life & killing people. The sheriff (now, cause his dad died & was the sheriff before) has no sense of touch, can't feel anything. He's one of the troubled. Emily Rose (from John from Cincinnati - another oddball show that only lasted one season - but I liked it) is FBI agent (or something) Audrey Parker who shares the memories of the real FBI agent Audrey Parker whom we met for the first time at the end of last season.

4. Warehouse 13 - another new show - maybe 2nd or 3rd season, it is a warehouse that safely houses artifacts from history that have special attributions, or dangerous powers. It's so much fun!! The agents work for a curious woman called Mrs. Frederic. She controls the warehouse & oversees the agents. Lots of humor in the show.

5. Stargate SG-1 - the series on Showtime before it was bought by Scy-fy. The episodes with Richard Dean Anderson were the best episodes. Once the original cast was broken up, I didn't watch. Most of the original cast came back, but it was hard for me to get back into it without the boss.

6. Alphas - another new show on Scyfy. It just premiered a few weeks ago & I love it! It's about "special" people. I never watched Heroes, couldn't wrap my head around it - but this show may be along the same lines. The Alphas are special in some way or another. One of the main characters has heightened senses, she can smell, feel & see things that are long gone. Another main character has super human strength, yet another has the ability to "push" people, manipulate minds.

7. Torchwood - Miracle Day - brand spankin new to Starz. I fell in love with this show right away, too. One day, they call it Miracle Day, people just stop dying. People who should be dead can't die, no one can die. Basically all of humanity has become immortal. In the last episode a woman who was speaking out against the "dead" was crushed in a car crusher. The very end of the episode saw her eye peeking from behind bent metal. Torchwood is a group of people who are trying to figure out what or who is behind Miracle Day & how to get people to die again.

8. Sliders - OMG! Jerry O'Connell after so many years (totally only remembered him from Stand By Me). I used to love this show & was sad to see it end too soon. I love time travel stuff, but not Dr. Who.

9. Fringe - amazing newer show, in the same vein as the X-Files with mysterious creatures & alien interference. It's also multi-dimensional. There have been some outstanding episodes that are ripe with creativity & neat-o tv programming, like stuff you only expect to see in movies.

10. Millenium - not entirely sure if this would qualify, but the lead character was an FBI profiler had the ability to get into the minds of serial killers & liaisoned with a mysterious group that was focused on the end of the world, the Millenium Group. It only lasted 3 short seasons. I was a fan.

Before I forget

2011-07-31T13:20:00.000-05:00

I just want to make a very special mention of my sweet boy, Andy. Over the last 3 weeks, he has been my rock. My solid anchor of goodness & kindness. He's been nothing short of even tempered, doing everything I asked of him without complaint or fight, been ever so loving when it came to me, constantly asking if I'm okay or if I needed him to do something. While I don't want to knock the rest of my kids, I think Maia wasn't quite able to deal with it all & Kyle is 16, what teen cares? The one I've been challenged by most in his young life has been the most awesome boy in the world. If it is indicative of what he's going to be like as an adult, I can say I am overflowing with pride for him.

I love you sweet boy - you have proven that I really might not have to worry so much about your future. I'm amazed!!

His latest self portrait:

One life for eight others

2011-07-31T00:21:00.001-05:00

The damp air outside was almost a relief. I'd been shivering because of an untoward feeling in my stomach. Not quite queasy, but not right at all. I sat on the deck & watched the glowing yellow-orange bats swooping to catch their food. The mill provided the mesmerizing light for the big insects to flock to. That's what drew the bats.

Two of them swooped in & out of the bright lights in a kind of dance. It was a little bit calming watching them attack the bugs. I'm not sure how big the bugs were but because the lights were in the distance, they had to be gigantic - they sure looked that way from here. Maybe it was a play from the light on the wings. It was nice to think about something else, even if it was still related, predator & prey.

In 22 minutes time the drugs would be pushed through the IV and shortly thereafter, he would be gone forever. Maybe from the earth, but never from my mind. 12:01 am was significant because the man who murdered my best friend was about to die.

I smoked my cigarette trying not to look at my phone. I didn't know if I would get any calls, but I thought I might. I was just trying not to look at the time. 11:51. 10 minutes away. I sat & wondered if he would feel anything. I know lethal injection is supposed to be painless. But what of the emotional feelings? Is it terrorizing knowing that your last breath is about to come? Knowing there is not another minute for you - ever? I hope it's a long suffering thing, those emotions. I hope it hurts the core of him, even though I'm sure it won't.

He was a serial killer & Jenna was his 8th victim. He was brutal. He liked to torture his victims. Listening to all the coroner had to say during the trial was more than any human being should ever have to endure. And we were just listening...

My mind wandered back to the bats. They seemed happy in a bit of frenzy. It's just survival, but it was almost beautiful. I started to feel a little warmer and my chills had subsided. I looked down at the phone, hesitated, then opened the slide. My body tensed. He was going, now. Right this very minute.

This is an idea I had in the past. I found some scribbled notes about where a serial killer might go when he dies. I wanted to explore that a bit so that is what I'll do. & I can do it right here. Lovely having a blog again. My urges to write lately have been incredible. I think it's coming from reading the many wonderful writers here in this blogging community. It's very inspirational.

I'm on my way

2011-07-28T12:52:00.000-05:00

Now that the evil gall bladder has been cut clean from my body, I am on my way to a brighter world. Tuesday was a good day. I am happy to have this minimal soreness because I know the worst is finally over. I am not spending a lot of time sitting in front of my computer because it isn't all too comfortable. I will be back to my regular blogging ways very soon and pain free. Oh happy day!

I want my brain to function

2011-07-21T12:21:00.000-05:00

Okay, I know it does otherwise my fingers wouldn't be moving to type this up. I just don't feel like it's working right. This lapse in brain power will be over soon, hopefully within the next 2 weeks. My surgery was moved to next Tuesday (cause in my mind a badly diseased organ should not be left to fester in my body for longer than it has to - it's already been too long).

Anyhoo - I have been looking at the photo for this week's Red Writing Hood prompt and I can't even tell what types of weird have been entering & flowing through my thoughts. Makes me wonder if I'm a freak in normal clothing.

We tried a gaming free day yesterday. It lasted well into the evening. Then I went to get some clothes, forgot my all important coupon and got sidetracked to GameStop. I have a new game & so do the youngsters. I have no will power! (Okay, technically, I didn't start playing til well after midnight, but the kids got to play before they went to bed.) I'm a gamer - in case I haven't mentioned that. Maybe not a real gamer, but if I get a new game I enjoy, I can become obsessed with it. If I find the notion to, I will let you know how I feel about LA Noire. I've wanted this game since its release back in May. I just can't always go pick up things I want when I want them, you know the whole food, bills & family thing.

I didn't get to post a SYTYCD recap last week, so look for one this week. The All Stars were on this week & I am so glad to see them! The dancers this year are stellar, but the levels of greatness is always lifted when the All Stars are in the mix.

The Scyfy channel was left on last night (meaning no one changed it over night, not that the tv was left on - I'd kick some ass for that). And I start to hear this familiar theme music. I turn my head & couldn't help but smile. I did not know they still had syndicated episodes of The Greatest American Hero on the air! I didn't love the show, but it was fun.

This would be a great post for Friday Fragments. I'm thinking I will link it up tomorrow, with maybe a bit more.

Monday Listicles (on Tuesday) - 10 things I say too often to my children

2011-07-19T16:57:00.002-05:00

Brought to you by - The Good Life. My entry, better late than never. These are things I say way too often along with some things I never wanted to say as a parent, but understand why I say it, now.

1. No running in the house! Do you want to break your neck?

2. No jumping on the bed/couch/chair/furniture! This is not a gymnasium. Do you want to break your neck?

3. Because I said so!

4. What do you think you're doing?

5. Who do you think you are?

6. Please rinse your dishes, I make the food, I serve the food, the least you could do is rinse your plate.

7. Please don't stuff wrappers (any garbage) between the couch cushions! Or, please don't leave your garbage laying around for me to clean up.

8. If you take something out, please put it back the way you found it.

9. Quit bickering/arguing/fighting/yelling/crying/being annoying! Or just plain CUT IT OUT/KNOCK IT OFF!

10. Whaaaaat?!

RemembeRED - Beating a dead horse

2011-07-19T15:00:00.007-05:00

This week's prompt asked us to write about a time that rhythm, or a lack thereof, played a role in your life. And don’t use the word “rhythm.”

I've been blogging about my issues lately, hence beating the dead horse. If you've dropped by my blog, you've read about it all. I apologize for it now.

I don't think I've ever felt so out of it.

I feel like there's so much to be done & there's nothing I can do about it.

And I know I can do something, it's the absolute lack of motivation to do it that is in my way.

I should be courageous & fight through it all.

That's not me, I give in to my weaknesses. Especially the ones that involve pain.

This...pain...it's all consuming.

If you've had issues with your gall bladder, you know it.

In the morning, it sears through my middle asking for immediate attention.

Often times it doesn't wait for morning to scream at me.

Usually, if I had an attack, it was short lived.

It came & went by way of a single pain killer.

I'd go to bed at night & not have to think about it for a long time.

I started to learn what triggered an attack. Most often avoiding these foods (everything I love). Once in a while, I would eat without consulting my awareness.

Then I would pay.

Since last week (today is day 10),
it doesn't matter what I eat,
it doesn't matter if I don't eat,
it doesn't matter what I do, I hurt.

While taking the pain killers does eliminate the pain for a bit, it also lands in my head like a dead weight, crushing my brain.

I can't function with the pain, I can't function with the pain killers.

I sleep when I can
& do what I can - if & when I feel okay.

I feel like I'm a juggled ball, hanging above the world waiting to drop. Once in the hand, I feel suffocated. It's no win.

Add into the mix the children & their needs. I do everything I can & attend to them. They seem to be no worse for what I'm going through, with the exception of extra crabbiness. I ask for a little bit extra from them & sometimes I get it.

It's a phase in my life & it will be over soon. The pain is lessened when I don't eat, sometimes. I'm scheduled for surgery on the 2nd of August. If I stick to a mostly liquid diet, including hot soup in 100 degree heat indexes (yeah, I'm all over that), I should live with little or no pain. Hopefully, we can get that date moved up a week because I want my life back. Sooner is better than later. The bright side - a liquid diet will bring down my weight. Yay for a sliver of positive!

The pain killers totally dampen my mind. I hate feeling like I don't think right & I hate knowing that I'm writing wrong.

I wrote about a lack of rhythm in my life. It just so happens that this is an issue lately, no rhythm, no sense of control. I don't know why I feel I need a disclaimer, but please don't apologize. It's not your fault & everyone goes through their rough patches. I just happen to be living one of mine through my blog. For me, just getting it out is helpful. I don't know that I've ever felt this out of sync with me.

Aren't teenagers wonderful? This is my life. A hard, honest post.

2011-07-17T15:30:00.007-05:00

Last week, I had an eventful week with our 16 year old. I want to say it was a good event, but it was not. We had, oh, let's call it a falling out. I could have let a lot go, but the mood of me this week just wasn't going to let anything go. He claims I kicked him out. I know he said he didn't want to live here any more because he hates it here, so I said he could go anytime. I won't deny that I was horrible when we fought. At one point, I did spit in his face (awful, I know - better than punching him, which is what I really wanted to do, and I wasn't in the mood to get into a fist fight with my 16 year old son) but he opted to say the things people say with only the intention to hurt. He spit back in my face. What does one do when a child will not back down? When discipline is failing & lack of respect is prevalent? I keep thinking - did I create this mess all on my own? I know I didn't by myself, but we can't go there because I would be remiss to tell only my side.

I've mentioned my failing gall bladder. If anyone has had a sick gall bladder, they know the pain that comes along with it. I've been living on pain killers (not something I enjoy for so many reasons, especially the spaced out non-functioning factor) and scraping by. My house is suffering. No one does anything around here unless I'm up to barking orders about what to do next. Most of the time, I'm okay with being a barker because I have a job here. House keeping is part of it. This week, I haven't barked anything and I haven't done much of anything. I've been down for the count. I'll say it again, my house is suffering and I'm tired of the mess.

The wayward child returned home, after going to a friend's house @ 3:am, later the same day. (he took off on the 12th after I told him to go if he hated it here & he thought he could do better somewhere else) Don't want to get into that mess. He has been distant & independent acting since then. Now, when one thinks of independence, one thinks of a person who is self sufficient. One thinks of someone who could support himself. Has a job, can pay bills, can drive & make it to places he needs to go, can feed himself, buy the food needed to be able to feed himself. This so-called independence is not like that. His independence comes from his idea that he doesn't have to live here. He can make arrangements to go anywhere, therefore, he doesn't have to do anything around here. We'll call it pseudo-independence.

He's been home for several days, doing nothing. He's come & gone basically as he pleases because his dad isn't home much & I'm down & out, I'm not going to do anything about it. I know, stupid, but I'm not in the mood for a fight. & he aims to put up a fight - every single time. The only place he's going is next door. Why? Because they are gamers & he gets to play over there. (I have to mention, they are wonderful people, and I'm sure they are mostly oblivious to what's going on here - as I'm not one to detail my dirty laundry [ha! look at me!], it's shameful - and I know the kid is in good company.) Anyhoo - he keeps telling me that he wants to "talk" to his dad & me about getting his things back. We took his computer & I haven't allowed him to play on any gaming system - at home. He wants his things back, so I guess that means he's staying? He talks about moving in with his uncle 40 minutes from here. I just keep thinking about the reality he would face if he really did move out. He just thinks it's easy everywhere else but here. He has it so hard here, you know...

A Summer Day In The Life Of Kyle:
Get up sometime in the afternoon, have breakfast, or not.

Hover over mom til she's done on the computer.
Get the internet & play on my computer for a few or several hours.
Mom asks for the internet back (we share a wireless USB), I finish what I'm doing - no matter how long it takes or how many times I'm asked for the internet.
Eat lunch, or not, get the internet back & play for more hours.
I get called for dinner, getting everyone drinks (it's one of my menial jobs) and I make everyone wait, or mom just gets the drinks because she's tired of waiting.
I sit down to eat, sometimes with everyone, sometimes after everyone is half way finished, sometimes not til everyone is finished.

Kyle's daily chores:
Put the dishes away (often has to be reminded several times)
Take out the garbage (ditto)
Shared chores:
Clean the litter box
Weekly chores:
Dust the living room
Vacuum the stairs & clean the landings
Do his own laundry (consisting of only one load, usually)
Every other week, clean the downstairs living area

Over these past couple days, I've asked him to do a few little things, get this for your sister, do that for your brother because he's been here (not holed up in his room playing on his computer) and he's done most of it without complaint. It's little shit, but a big help to me, even though it hasn't really been but a handful of little things. This is something I expect from all of my children because why shouldn't they have to help out a little now & then? I do everything for them & have since their lives began. As they get older, they do more things for themselves. That's how it should be, how else will they learn to take care of themselves as adults? Honestly, I have never asked them for much more than just taking care of themselves and their messes.

Last night I mentioned that I would need extra help cleaning the house. Today, he got up with every intention of going next door before doing anything else. I told him I needed his help. His retort was that he knows how I am & that I wasn't going to start cleaning right away. I told him I wasn't going to start at all, he needed to. He asked me if that meant he had to do everything & I said just about. I've never asked him to do more than maybe vacuum, when I usually do the vacuuming. Oh, and he cleaned the litter box when it was my turn because I asked him to while I am going through this. Having him clean the whole upstairs is something I've never asked him to do & he says that I will be correcting him along the way. Yeah, probably because I feel like he does most everything half ass, except the things he wants to do. So he said he'd check in at 2:30 (he didn't do this) & come home to clean at 5:30. His terms, right?

I'm stuck thinking WTF? I don't want to fight. Once this situation is over, maybe I can take the reins again, maybe not. Did I ever really have them? Probably not, or at least not for a few years, now. He's bigger than me & he acts like that's the end all, be all. He has no one to answer to anymore because he thinks he can take me and his dad (and he's tried).

He's not a violent kid, we're not violent parents. It's feeling like the route to take, though. I just want to smash some sense into his head. He seems to think life outside of his home will be cake. How do I teach him the lesson that it isn't? How do I teach him that he shouldn't take advantage & appreciate what he has?

Update

2011-07-15T21:58:00.000-05:00

The testing has been done. I'm not sure what is going to happen next, I just know that the dye didn't expose my gall bladder issues. In fact, it didn't expose my gall bladder at all. It makes me wonder if the organ has died. RIP, but it's time to go.

I was told that the scan told the techs that my gall bladder was non-functioning. I'm not sure what that means, & it seems they weren't all that sure either. Or they didn't want to tell me & scare me. I'm not consciously worried about it, but in the back of my mind I'm wondering why a dead or non-functioning organ isn't an emergency? It's the passive in me that may very well kill me one day. I did try asking, so I should get credit for that.

I guess I will find out on Monday after my doc gets the results. In the meantime, I am surviving on pain killers. Thankfully, they are working.

Testing, testing, 123

2011-07-15T05:16:00.000-05:00

I haven't been hopping around as much as I usually do & there is a good reason for that. Pain. I posted not long ago about my gall bladder. The thing that's failing, or seeming to fail, more & more each day. Dr. visit has brought me to testing stage - because the pain is not going away like it used to. I have to go for some kind of scan (the dye injection, then contraction & study of the little useless organ) and then I will be scheduled for surgery.

I only tell because I have not been reading blogs & I'm missing it! I was so looking forward to the fiction fest today, with shoes & I won't be able to until much later today, the gall, I tell you! I just can't sit. The most comfortable position is standing. Don't really want to do much of that, either, who stands all day without getting paid to do it?

For now, I bid adieu. I will be reading you all later. I can't wait!!

Writer's Workshop - Not so much writing today...

2011-07-14T00:00:00.011-05:00

On a piece of paper write down something that makes you happy...take a photo of your paper and wa la...there's your post.

Hope on over to visit MamaKat & see what many other people are writing about!

I opted for easy this week. But it is a very worthy easy! I posted earlier this week about how my 7 year old daughter is enjoying writing. Okay, it's kinda last week, but still. It made me feel all fuzzy inside & I plan on doing more writing with her this coming weekend.

Rockin' the baby! My chitlins...

2011-07-12T08:03:00.003-05:00

I didn't have any "baby bump" pics to share because I don't think I ever allowed anyone to take photos of me while I was preggers. Except at my shower, but I only have one of those & the bump is not visible due to the gift in front of me.

I'm so glad Shell over at Things I Can't Say decided to do a Rockin' the Baby share!! I have to thank her, too. I spent better than an hour going through some of my photos & got so many giggles seeing them all when they were beebies.

It was very difficult picking just one photo of each of them. But I managed & I picked a few of my faves. I'm the last one. That was eons ago.

My only daughter. She had to have been just over a year (and still barely any hair!). She's now 7 and those 7 years feel like a millisecond!

My Andewd. He was my happiest baby, and around 5 months in this photo! This was the way I remember him being...always! I don't remember crying, fussing or being, well, a baby. I just remember him being the sunshine in each & every day. He's now 10 and my biggest challenge.

Don't mind the wet mark on the photo, that's what happens to those oldies sometimes. I didn't always keep them in the safest of places. Kyle was about a year & a half in this one. He's now 16, almost 17.

My charmer! He was a very happy baby, too. (all of my kids were, I was so very fortunate!) I think he was around 5 months old in this one. Steven is now 24, almost 25. Yeewe...that's almost a quarter century.

Me, me, me! I won't say how long ago this was. I'm thinking I had to be around 4 or 5 months old. I didn't have much hair when I was a baby, either. Mom told me I didn't have barely any until I was around 2 or so.

So that's that! I don't have a single pic of my husband from when he was young. Not one. Otherwise I would have shared something of him. Thanks to all of you who drop by! I will be dropping in on as many of you as I can fit in tomorrow & over the next few days!

RemebeRED - Sophomore Geometry

2011-07-12T00:45:00.003-05:00

Your assignment this week was to write a post about an embarrassing moment.

Many of you asked, "We can only pick one?" Because it is, unfortunately, part of life.

So let's see what you came up with for your post.

Link up - but ONLY if you've done the prompt.

I guess this may not be funny to everyone because not everyone will remember 10th grade Geometry. Theorems ALWAYS have a given, I think, cause I really didn't learn about them. We are supposed to be able to deduce the conclusion (or whatever) from what the theorem gives us.

I was never an outstanding student. I could have been. How do I know this? Because so many people throughout my youth stated, time & again, that I "was so smart, just lazy" or "She just doesn't live up to her potential" or, my personal favorite, "if she would just apply herself". I was that kid, and there were a lot of us, I think.

Now that you know I was a stellar, fully devoted student I can tell you my story.

There was this mean teacher in High School. I want to say her name was Mrs. Hilton. I may not be right about that name. She was brutal - with her lessons, with her tests and her pop quizzes were popped at us often, like a bare fist in the face.

It had to have been somewhere towards the end of the second semester. She'd been teaching theorems (what? I still don't know what those are, nor did I ever need to) for at least a week & a half. We were all supposed to have understood what they were & how to work them by the time of the *ahem* incident. She was good at calling on those kids who really wanted to answer. She paid little attention to those of us who were disinterested. Except on this day. Yeah...she called on me.

"Alexis," I'm surprised she even knew my name. "What do you know about this problem?"

At first I didn't even think I heard her right. I sat upright, cause I was all slouched & low - head down, bored to death, legs stretched & hands folded across my lap in the back row. I may have even been almost asleep.

"Huh?" I don't think it was a clear "huh", probably more like a grunt. I scooted my chair back up to my desk.

"Um..." I acted like I was reading the problem and I even strained my face to make it look like I was thinking. Because for some reason, everyone in the class was staring back at me, and they never did that before!!

"Well..." she said, an inner finger was drumming on her brain waiting for me to answer. She pointed at the problem on the board & asked again. "What do you know of this problem?

After another long pause...

"The given?"

The class erupted with laughter. It startled me! After my mini jump, I felt my face flush & realized I must have said something insanely funny, so I chuckled a little, too. To give the air of "MAN AM I FUNNY!", but I was so embarrassed, I felt like a complete dumbass and Mrs. Hilton (or whatever her name was) was pissed. She obviously thought I was being funny intentionally, too. I sure fooled them! HA!

I know I have more stories to tell about my numerous embarrassments, but that one stands out the most. I was laughed at and felt so stupid. That's what I get for not "applying" myself.

Monday Listicles - New meme, Types of young women for young men to avoid

2011-07-11T18:20:00.001-05:00

If you love to make lists, then swing on over to northwestmommy.com, AKA The Good Life & link up with her on Mondays.

I am typically not a list maker, as I tend to stray away from the "to do" type things, just like when I was a kid & someone told me what to do - I just didn't want to do it! Even if it's me telling me. I'm not organized enough to want to keep lists of things that are important. I think it's time for change.

I'm taking my cue from Stay at Home Babe because I think my boys need a list like the one she wrote for her daughters. She made a list of the top 11 guys never to date. I think another disclaimer to be added is "never to marry". These are in no particular order, they are all avoidable.

My list contains 15 types to be avoided and, if pressed, I could probably think of more.

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1. The Story Teller. Avoid the girls who make up stories all. the. time. Maybe they think life is better the way they tell it. That is clearly a big issue. Once you find out the truth, run for the hills!

2. The Rebound. I have seen this happen to several of my guy friends in the past (and my oldest). And it's so sad! Why does a girl think she can move forward after years with a guy, when it's only been a week since the break up? They are more than willing to talk to you about it & how much it hurt. In fact, that's almost all they will talk about. Because the girl is so needing to feel the connection & the love, she throws herself fully into the new guy. The devastation the new guy feels - when the old guy comes crawling back - is monumental. Ladies, give yourself time to heal, time to move on independently. Really. You'll only end up hurting the guy you didn't wait for.

3. The Daddy Complex. Keep in mind, it starts small. Listen to the little cues. "My dad used to do that...", "My dad would never wear clothes like that...", "My dad was always a good communicator...", "My dad doesn't like ______ ..." and so on. Little comparisons eventually lead to big ones. You are not her daddy, nor will you ever live up to him. If she has those kind of expectations of you...leave, NOW!

4. The Private Lover. Avoid the ones that are okay having you in private, but not in public. This girl LOVES hanging out with you at her house, alone. She loves swinging by your place to hang out, alone. She refuses to go out publicly on a date. She says she "just doesn't feel comfortable" out in public, yet she goes out with her friends all the time. That's a clue, fellas. Either she will be the hermit housewife who doesn't ever like to go out - anywhere - or she is truly ashamed that she's dating you. Both are bad.

5. The High & Mighty. She is confident, more like arrogant. It's good to be confident. I want my daughter to know that she is all that & a bag of chips. There's a line, though, an invisible one that separates the arrogant from the confident. She will chew you up & spit you out, breaking you on the inside, because you will never match her perfection, her grace or her intelligence. Eventually, you will realize that not only does she think she's better than you, she thinks she's better than everybody.

6. The Chatterbox. I know we all like to talk, we all like to discuss our man issues with our besties. & that, in my book, is okay. It's the one who broadcasts her problems with you all over her social networks. The one who tweets about how much of an asshole you are & how much you hurt her on a regular basis. The one who updates her status with the tears she's crying, listing a reason why you suck for every tear. She may try to be subtle by not naming names, but you & all her friends know exactly who she's talking about. S T A Y A W A Y! Also, if you tell your family too much, the will inevitably judge him. Try to avoid telling them everything. It's called saving his face.

7. The Quiet Maelstrom. She is angry, cries the silent tears & you add one final comment & she explodes! Like a crazy person she comes at you with her claws open & teeth bared. She screams bloody, throws things at you and anywhere around the house, she punches you, she may even bite you, and she will not hesitate to break something you hold dear. Then, 2 seconds later, she's apologizing telling you how very sorry she is & that it will never happen again. You just had to say that one thing & it threw her into her demonic state. She was possessed by anger, and it was because of you. You just don't see it coming until it's too late. Once it happens, that should be all you need. Get out now!

8. The Hoochie. She is the one that dresses the sleaziest, all skin & no class. At first, maybe you're the one looking for one thing. Keep it that way and, no, I don't want to talk about it. Know that she isn't looking for something permanent & if she is, it's for all the wrong reasons. Most likely, she's looking for something you can't give her. If she doesn't "get around", then it's all an act. I don't know what's worse.

9. The Cheater. In my opinion, girls are just as likely to cheat as guys. Also, & this bares noting, they are more likely to change, especially if they really love you. I would still say just don't get involved. It may take a few stolen screws outside of your relationship for her to finally get monogamy right. & that will hurt more than I can describe. My best advice its complete avoidance.

10. The Artiste. The one with many dreams & no ambition. The one who is always writing songs, strumming the guitar, drawing til her heart's content, painting on borrowed time, etc. The one who likes money, but doesn't like to work for it. It's great to be creative, it's even better to take that creativity somewhere. If it's a notebook full of ideas that never get realized, it's just trouble.

11. The Best Friend's Girl. Or any other guy's girl. They are absolutely off limits even when they proclaim their undying love for you. If it is your best friend's girl, I say she's off limits even after they break up. Remember the rule - Bros before Hos.

12. The Spineless Forgiver. She will never stand up to you. She will always take responsibility even if it's your fault & you know it. She will always forgive you for whatever you do, even if it compromises her entire being. She will allow you to do whatever you want, regardless of her feelings. She won't ever tell you if something is bothering her. She wears a happy mask 24/7. I know, how sad - but they are out there. This might be the one that's the hardest to leave. Who doesn't love easy street?

13. The Slob. She doesn't warn that you are about to step into a mess, she just lets you walk in. You visit her apartment & she doesn't care that there's moldy food in the sink & it stinks to high heaven. She doesn't care that there's weeks old garbage on the coffee table & counter tops, and maybe even the floor. She has her laundry strewn all over the place & she has no qualms changing into something she picks out from a disgusting pile in the corner of her room. Know that you will be the one who keeps house if you stick.

14. The Mommy. She's always trying to fix you or make you better. She constantly reminds you how to do things the right way. She always dotes on you. She treats you every bit like a child in man skin. Beware of MOM!!

15. The Needy-kins. She always needs you, 24/7 and you will never have a moment without her. You are never able to leave the house alone. She cries way too easily & you will find yourself always trying to make her feel better. She is always looking for your acceptance. She will always ask you how you feel or how she looks & any answer you give will be wrong! If you do happen to go out alone, you must be cheating! Obviously, these girls are not secure enough with themselves to be in a relationship. Many guys think all women are this way, but they are wrong. There are a select few in society & they are here to remind the rest of us how not to be.

********************

I know I've been some of these women at times in my life, certainly. I think some of you may read & think you were once like one of these on the list, too. It's just a testament to my kids to wait for serious relationships until they grow up. Most of us change these behaviors once we do.

In the meantime, if you must seriously date, these are the ones to avoid at all costs. In a perfect world, we will all find the one who fits us perfectly. Sometimes we have to experience the bad to appreciate the good. Just know, my sons, that you have been forewarned.

What a ride!

2011-07-09T00:07:00.007-05:00

My first time traveling around to the Red Writing Hood bloggers was such an awesome experience. I probably spent too many hours reading other people’s blogs today. I think I want to manage that each week, but I know sometimes I won’t be able to.

It has been an inspiring kind of day. I keep thinking about what I want to write next. I keep thinking of things I have written & want to share them, maybe look at them with fresh eyes. I’m not sure what it does to the rest of you, but this is what it did to me.

Before I finished reading, my kids were in full bicker. One trying to get the controller away from the other because the other was doing something in the first one’s level.

“Hey, that’s MY game! You can’t do that!”

“It’s mine, too, yes I CAN!”

Andy accidentally knocks her on the head with the nun chuck, she grabs the cord & tugs & I had it. I yelled at both of them "Give me that!" (we all do it, I do it probably way too much, but damn it I was busy reading!!) and turned off the Wii, grounded them from playtime for the rest of the day. Dew did his usual howl of demise (it really does sound like he’s dying) and Fluffy Fart just got mad. Only a few moments later, they are both asking again to play. Mere seconds later!

Luckily, I had just read from the last tab in my open browser & commented. I was done, for now.

We all had a bite to eat and I started the dishes. I saw On Writing open, face down on the half wall. I wanted to read more. I need to delve into another’s ideas of where it comes from & how to get it right. I know there is no magic formula, but there is so much to learn.

I started to read in our recliner. Maia is having her chocolate milk (a story all its own) and the Dewd wants to go outside, but he won‘t go out without Maia. Maia puts on one of her favorite dvred specials - America’s Cutest Cat. I almost deleted it yesterday & kinda wish I had. I can only watch or hear something so many times.

She finished her chocolate milk & I decide to ask her about stories she’s written. She’s written 3 that I’ve read & I want to reread them. Maybe I have vicarious hopes for her, I don’t know. I do know that I never thought of anything remotely related to writing when I was 6, at least not that I can remember. 2 of her stories she wrote when she was 6.

She gets them, I read them. One of them jars me and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s the reference to the “black baby”. That is what the story is - all about a “black baby”. He’s a baby that can do everything, even stuff normal people can’t do. & he’s even married and has a pet hamster named Rhino! It's a full page, words on every line.

I tell her I like her creativity. I also tell her that I didn’t even start writing until I was 8 or 9 or 10, or something. I tell her that she has something special because I really think she does.

So both Andy & Maia now want to do some creative writing. They both grab a notebook & pencils. They both sit down to write. Andy is distracted by the TV, so I tell him to turn it off. He has a hard time trying to think of things. He asks what a good name for a snake is. I tell him that it can be any name he chooses. It can be slither or slide, anything related to a snake, but I want him to think of his own. He can even name it something like Foot! There are no rules, write whatever you want.

"He can even name it pooh," Maia chides.

"Yep," I say, "anything he wants. But there's already a bear named Pooh!"

Maia has already shown me 2 things. 2 poems and she‘s still writing. I really like the effortless time she spent writing them. It encourages me & I encourage them. I never thought to do this before, write with my kids, but I liked it. The first thing she showed me was “pants on the ground, pants on the ground. Lookin (without the g - I didn’t teach her that - must be an inherent knowledge or just having read things I've written) like a fool with your pants on the ground.” It’s not her idea, but fun & funny. The second thing she showed me was titled Candlestick. This is her poem, as she wrote it at age 7:

Candlesticks
Are burning
Hot. Flaming,
Flaming all around.

I’m perusing her notebooks right now & I find in super big letters she’s written on a full page

HEAR
MY
STOR
Y!!!

exactly like that. I’m not sure when she wrote it, but I love it!! I know she didn't write it today because it's in blue ink.

Should I get excited? Maybe not, but I am. I love that she loves to write. In the 15 or so minutes we wrote together, she managed Candlestick, Butterflies, Magnets, Balls & Unicorns. Neat little child poems. This experience, this day, was probably one of the highlights of my year.

Dear So & So

2011-07-08T15:10:00.001-05:00

Dear lady at the Tupperware party,

Hi! How are ya? Good I hope? Enjoying your new Tupperware, are you? You know those cute RED measuring cups & spoons. Yeah, the RED ones. You came over to me and paid me cash for the set? Yeah, those. The ones from my cash & carry, the RED ones you waved in my face, as I was seated & you were standing, right at my eye level.

I didn't notice for a couple of days, really! My son needed my measuring cups. No, not to cook this time, just to make kool-aid. I couldn't find my GREEN ones anywhere. I went through all my stuff & they were gone. Yes, the ones I used in the demo. The ones I held up and you gave a little happy yelp because they were GREEN. I explained that I used them at my demos & at home, because they were MINE. The new color, to match my GREEN measuring spoons.

The only place I didn't look was my cash & carry bag. I fetched it from my van, lo and behold, there were 2 sets of RED cups in there! WOW! How do you think that happened? I really hope you are enjoying your mismatched set. Don't worry, I can get new ones you slithery little snake.

Who does stuff like this? At least you paid for them and didn't take both sets. Be grateful for the little things, I say.

Always at your service,
Lex

*************************

Dear Kyle,

I know when we took your computer out of your room for a really long time, you deserved it. The lack of respect for us came to a head & the grades were so bad! You definitely earned it back. You improved in all areas and we were happy to give it back (well, I was because you were spending too much time on my computer).

I'm not sure who lost your wireless USB. It may very well have been me. It may have been your dad. You think it was me because I would hide it from you at night (before your computer got taken away) and you would venture into my room to find it. I had to shift hiding spaces regularly. That's not my fault. It also isn't my fault that we took your computer in the first place, meaning - the plug never would have gotten lost if you had kept your privilege in tact, yes? How do I know you weren't the last one to touch it & you misplaced it somewhere in that landfill you call a bedroom. I had no reason to keep it from you once we had your computer & I honestly don't remember who had it last.

You are not entitled to my wireless USB. I don't have to get off when you want to play your game on the net. Yet, I do. Often. Because you hover. & sigh loudly. & bug the shit out of me. If you're not bugging the shit out of me, it's your brother & sister. In turn, I get the short end. Never fails. Why don't you go out with your friends? Go to the movies or just hang with them at their houses? Invite them here, but not to sit around & watch you play video games. Then I won't be a slave to LOTR Online, the game you play.

Your ever lovin',
Mom

PS - why is it when you have your privileges back, you revert to the behaviors that make you lose them?

*************************

Dear Dewd & Princess,

If I tell you no game systems for the rest of the day, that's what I mean. I have proven that time & again. Since you know there's no chance, why do you insist on asking for the Wii? I If say no to the Wii, why do you ask for the Game Cube? If I say no to both of those, why do you ask for the PS2? If I say no to all 3, then you ask for the PS3, why? All of them means all of them. Period. No computer, either. Do you think you can trick me?

If I tell you I'll give you an hour of play time after dinner IF YOU DON'T FIGHT, it means you can't fight & still get play time.

Enjoy your summer - outside.

Your ever lovin',
Mom

PS - I know you both say you want to live with me forever because I'm your favorite mom (your only mom, you don't have another to compare me to), but I can tell you that won't happen. Trust me, you'll want out eventually.

*************************

Did you ever have something you wanted to say to someone, but either the moment passed or you didn't have the cajones to do so at the time? I was bouncing around blogs & I found this great meme. It's the simplest meme & you can use it any time you need to. You can link up on Fridays, it's just therapy. Hop over to 3 Bedroom Bungalow & grab the button. Use it when you need it. Linkup on Fridays, to whatever day you may have needed to write that note (or notes).

The Red Writing Hood: Siren

2011-07-08T06:10:00.001-05:00

My first contribution, yet again this week. I'm feeding my writing urges, while not really having any. I read blogs & some of them are so inspiring, I want to write. Here we go.

This week we were asked to challenge ourselves & write outside the box. I don't even have a box I write in, so anything would be good. I don't think I necessarily have a comfort zone, either. I write anything, even if it doesn't turn out well. I decided to try writing from the male POV. I can't say I've written from this POV before, so it should be interesting. Be forewarned about cliche. I can't really help it.

Siren

The violent waves shook the bowels of the ship, undulating it heavily. After too long, you would think I would be used to this, thought the captain. Years at sea have his skin aged with salt and sun, rum and smoke. He emerges under the cover of the deck, having trouble keeping his feet. Without seeing he knows the sea’s reaction is from that of a massive storm. Whether or not they will see it, he doesn’t know.

“Aye, Captain,” said his first. “What brings you topside?”

“No rest for the wicked, lad. Having trouble with my thoughts, and the sea.”

The moonlight caressed the water soaked decks with its shimmer. It showed that the ship was more worse for wear than Ethan wanted. Not much out here, lately, though, he thought. Hard to maintain without the much needed gold.

“Aye, Jonah, why not take the night to sleep. At least one of us should, better to take on the sun light tomorrow.”

“Aye, will do, Cap’n,” said Jonah, leaving the ship’s command to Ethan.

As the ship lolled in the vicious water, Ethan could see the clouds slowly moving across the sky, eventually choking what little light the moon offered.

I guess we won’t be missing this, he thought. He began the preparation for the storm, not knowing how long it would be before it hit.

It didn’t take long & it blew through like a cyclone on the sea. Winds howled, tearing the sails on the masts, lightning crashed overhead, across the sky & near the ship. The thunder rumbled in him, exploding in his ears & careening to the decks through his feet. It shook everything. How can they sleep through this, he thought. A helluva lot of rum, that’s how.

He scanned the sea and noticed some shadowy movement, though the movement was the ship & not what was there on the sea. It was an outcrop of large rocks. He didn't remember ever coming past these before & they'd journeyed this way many a time. He took out the spyglass to get a closer look, see if there was anything to be had. The large jutting boulders had to have caused a wreck now & again. He could see nothing but the shadows.

Dawn was on the slow approach, but the sky was still very dark, especially since the clouds were still hanging under the moon. He took to the rocks again and this time, he did see something. At first he thought it was an illusion, in his mind. He looked bare eyed then lifted the spyglass again. It was still there! Watching in a still horror, he saw what he thought was a woman leap into the water!

His heart resembled the thunder from the night's storm. He scrambled to the life boat & dropped it down into the water. He hurried to the site & found this beautiful, raven haired woman gliding across the water. She swims like a fish, he thought first and then, my GOD! She's a woman to keep me!

She approached the tiny wooden boat with ease and climbed in. She said nothing. Her eyes blazed blue. Her skin was pale porcelain.

"Hello," was all Ethan could muster. His mind felt like it was literally blown from his skull. She still said nothing. He was beyond mesmerized.

She took his face gently in her hands and pressed her lips to his own.

As dawn broke through the clouds, the sun arose on the little boat. Jonah saw it, there on the water. He called to the crew, they turned ship towards the vessel. As they neared, they could easily tell that Ethan Morgan was gone. His eyes were open with a look that reminded Jonah of the days when he was happiest. He looked at peace.

SYTYCD Recap

2011-07-07T23:11:00.004-05:00

Some points I feel I need to make about the show this week - the additions of the new choreographers - AMAZING! I loved the audacious, weird Chucky Klapow - David Bowie Fashion piece. He’s cool and I look forward to seeing what he will bring to the show. Justin Giles, Chucky Klapow, Shaun Everisto, Liz Lira & Ray Leeper are the new choreographers on the show. They did well their first go round with the exception of Shaun Everisto. I thought his piece was sweet, but it lacked the energy & buckness (cause buckness fits) one expects from a hip hop routine.

Carmen Electra. Why? That was just not a smart move on the part of Nigel & the producers. She may have dance background, but she doesn’t & didn’t qualify as a judge at all (neither did Debbie Reynolds, but she was at least fun!).

I loved seeing Travis Wall as a judge. He knows his what he‘s talking about, so he was a breath of fresh air on the panel. He earned his keep on that panel and he’s one of my favorite choreographers for sure.

I am so not a fan of Ryan, still. & now, knowing that she’s a Mia Michaels prodigy, I like her even less. Not because of Mia, I love Mia, it just doesn’t seem fair that Ryan was able to benefit from the kind of mentorship that none of the other contestants did. Meh, my opinion. Ryan is an amazing dancer, so she deserves to be there & hopefully she will make it through this week. I don’t see why not - they were amazing. Had I voted, I would have voted for Ricky & Ryan this week.

My 4 faves this week, I couldn’t just pick one.

The Beautiful (2):
Jordan & Tadd (Tadd is blowing my MIND!) - Choreographed Waltz (Siren seducing her victim) by Toni Redpath

Caitlynn & Mitchell - Choreographed Contemporary (beautiful new love) by Mandy Moore

The Emotionally Spent Lovers:
Clarice & Jess (he just keeps bringing it every week - I love him! He’s adorable. I wonder if he’ll fit in my pocket?) - Choreographed Contemporary (a love that needs to be over) by Justin Giles New guy, awesome!! He did the guy’s group thing, too, which was stellar!

The Wild:
Ricky & Ryan - Choregraphed Jazz (fashion zombies) by Chucky Klapow New guy, quirky awesome!

The girls in the couples routines are still amazing - each & every one of them. The boys are catching up, quickly! In my opinion, because it seems most of the boys are coming from farther behind (not the same kind of experience or training), they are impressing me so much more.

I have to share this one because it is just an amazing piece! It was choreographed by Justin Giles. His concept was one man going through the seven stages of grief after losing a love. It is so well performed, you can feel it.

Markus & Melanie kill it every week, but the routines I posted were my standouts. I never imagined I would love dance this much, so I thank SYTYCD for being on the air. Without it, I wouldn’t even know how great it is. I never thought about dance this way before, I just never thought about it. And, I don’t ’know if I really want to share this, but I will. Every week there is a piece that makes me cry. How many things do we see that can move us to tears? The choreography that tells the stories, the music that’s put to the dance & the dancers themselves make it an amazing experience. It’s not for everyone, but if you have it in you - check it out!

Special thanks to music4life327 for putting up the vids every week. I appreciate it & I hope you don’t mind my using them..

Spoiler! (mouse over to read.)

I was shocked that Ricky & Ryan were in the bottom 3. In a way. I agree with the judges, I don’t think they connect well with America. I figured it would have been Sasha & Alexander, not because they were bad, they weren’t, but because the routine was mediocre. It was sweet, but wasn’t what anyone expects from hip hop. It was soft.

As I expected, once the bottom 3 was announced, R & R with Tadd & Jordan (I know! Shocked! But there has to be a bottom 3) and Ashley & Chris, I knew who the judges were going to send home. Tonight we said goodbye to Ashley & Chris. Weirdly enough, they have been sending home the guy & girl as couples, so far. It doesn’t mean they will continue to do that, it’s just how it’s been so far.

Only one more cut before the all-stars hit the stage with the contestants!!

10 shows that need a comeback - Writer's Workshop

2011-07-07T01:48:00.003-05:00

I was thinking about posting something my mom would post, but I rethought because it would be kinda depressing. Her life has some serious downer stuff going on right now & I feel for her. Sharing that might not go over so well.

Instead, I'm opting for this prompt - 10 tv shows you'd like to see make a comeback. I hope I can come up with 10. I watch so much tv now & I did as a kid, you'd think it would be easy. Of course, we can mention cancelled shows from recent times, too. I just don't know if I want to admit to watching some of them. ;)

10. Early Edition - in a better developed environment, the show may have lasted longer. I liked the concept of the show & wouldn't mind seeing it back on tv - maybe with different actors, though.

9. The Muppet Show! I'd love to see it in its original format & see the writing the way it was back then. Are there writers like that still in existence? I don't think the show would go over like it did back then, though. I guess people quit watching for a reason.

8. Soap! I loved, loved, loved Soap! It was one of the funniest shows on tv at the time. I was never really a fan of soap operas (by choice - except for a short stint when I had a job outside my home, it was forced, though...shhhh!) and I loved that Soap parodied them. It was awesome & I was young - even then I understood what they were doing.

7. ER because I miss it terribly! It was one of my favorite shows & it never let me down.

6. I read that Fox cancelled Lie To Me. I am a huge Tim Roth fan, the role of Dr. Cal Lightman was perfection for him. I liked the concept of the show. I'm not sure why they cancelled it since the ratings were good. Maybe they ran out of ideas?

5. Six Feet Under - if only for the deaths at the beginning. They were(and still are) always my favorite start to any show ever. The show itself was just awesome. The story lines, the characters. I really enjoyed the relationships that were portrayed on that show.

4. Brothers & Sisters - okay, maybe I shouldn't mention this one cause it really isn't all that relevant. I fell in love with it after seeing a promo that had it starting *big announcer voice* from the beginning! I enjoyed the characters & how it felt like a real family.

3. Medium - being a huge fan of Patricia Arquette and I really enjoyed the concept of this show, no matter how campy it may have been. Maybe that was the draw for me?

2. 90210 - owp! They already did that & it sucks...unless you're an other worldly teen who knows way too much about life. If you don't this show will surely lead you there. It's sick -sick sick, not cool sick. A disgrace to those of us who loved the original, and I've said too much.

2. American Gothic - an idea that just never came across like it was meant to, or maybe it was just before its time. Sam Raimi was the exec producer. He's a horror king! I'm not sure why it failed, it was riveting & had an interesting story line. I have a thing for shows that have supernatural nuances in them.

1. I don't think it was a show, maybe more like a short. This desperately needs a comeback - School House Rock! I learned stuff from that show! Really learned & it's probably the only show I watched as a kid (besides Sesame Street & the Electric Company) that actually taught me things I really needed to know - especially since I was in school.

"Of course that's just my opinion. I could be wrong". - Dennis Miller

MamaKat's Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop

Write what you know, or what you feel. Just write.

RemebeRED - My first contribution

2011-07-06T13:57:00.001-05:00

This will be my first time participating in RemembeRED. I have a thing about taking trips down memory lane, so hopefully, my contributions will be worthwhile to those who take the time to read them. I know I'll enjoy reading the posts of others, it's in my semi-voyeuristic nature (not the weirdo voyeur, the curiosity one - if there is such a thing).

Join in the writing, if you want to share!

Family Time with the Browns

We moved to a suburban neighborhood when I was turning 12. For my parents, it was the ultimate move because it was the first house they ever owned. My dad was elated to have a mortgage, rather than a rent payment. The house was his, ours.

Over the years, we flip-flopped rooms several times. The split level house had 4 bedrooms. One was an add-on to the garage. The only people in the house who occupied that room at any given time were my older brother & when we first moved in, my parents. I never wanted that room - it was in the garage, after all (blocked off by a wall, but still in the garage...).

I had the pink room - upstairs at the back of the short hall, common sense told my parents when they viewed the house that it would be my room. I wasn't crazy about it. Pink (carnation pink) walls & green shag carpet - ew! I did have that room for most of my life in that house. I also occupied the room downstairs & the master bedroom upstairs next to mine, across from the bathroom at other times.

When my parents occupied the master bedroom, they put a small tv (13 inch) on top of my mom's old wardrobe. That tiny little tv was the source of so many fun memories & time spent together as a family. My dad didn't often hush us when we were all together watching tv. Because we did, in fact, watch the shows.

My parents LOVED China Beach. Kind of a M*A*S*H for Vietnam. I wasn't always interested in the show, but I did enjoy just being in there while they watched it. The closeness I felt with my family is what always brought me in there to watch TV.

The Cosby show is probably the most significant memory evoking tv show that we shared. That & Cheers. So many laughs were shared watching those 2 shows & the comments we'd shoot around while watching would be sometimes snide, but oh so much fun! We could pick on each other without anyone getting hurt or angry. We would compare our own short comings with those the Cosby kids experienced. Overall, I think we all took some things away from the Cosby family. That was when tv was still wholesome & good.

It was so much more about the time we spent together, my dad in the chair, my mom, me & my little bro on the bed & my older brother either standing around or on the edge of the bed. I never thought tv shows would be a source of joy, but it has been & whenever I see an old episode of the Cosby Show or Cheers, I can't help but feel nostalgic & want to be back in that room, hanging out with my family. We all live all around the country, so the memories are like a warm, distant hug when I get to feeling them.

Holiday Celebrations Wordful/Wordless Wednesday

2011-07-06T02:31:00.002-05:00

It was a kind of whirlwind weekend. I keep thinking how fast the 4th came & went. It never fails that time passes quicker each year that goes by. It's kind of sick, not cool sick, sick sick. Slow doooooowwwn.

The jello shots were a huge hit. One of the couples that were at the party I went to Sunday had had their share of jello shots the night before and the jello shots lost their luster (I won't tell the story, funny as it is, because it isn't mine to tell. Let's just say the wife couldn't find the bathroom in their house, but who needs one if you really have to pee!! 15 jello shots at the night's end will do that to you.). After they had one - they were sold on them. I found this website called My Science Project. I was not going to make the shots (cause it was optional - it always is when you bring stuff to a party) but after I found the recipe, I had to. If you get a chance to look around the website, do. They have done lots of experimenting with the jello shots. What flavors work best together & the like.

I'm not a food photographer & that will show, I also didn't do step by step pics cause I forgot. But here are a few:

Before the cream was leveled

Adding the Berry Blue liquid for the one above & the one below

The finished product. How festive, no?

My recipe:

1 box each red raspberry & berry blue jello mix (3 oz. pkgs)

1 tub of cool whip

Either super mini-marshmallows (opt for the super minis) or cut some up (this is a real pain in the ass, let me tell you! But using water to douse the knife repeatedly & my fingers, it was doable)

My alcohol mixtures:

Raspberry - 1/4 c of Watermelon Pucker & 3/4 c of Raspberry vodka (can use pucker, too)

Berry Blue - 1/4 c of Lime Vodka & 3/4 c of Blue Curacao
50 pack of plastic shot cups
A popsicle stick

Boil 1 cup of water and dissolve the package of red raspberry jello in it. Let the mixture cool to room temp. Add the 1 cup mixture of alcohol to the room temp jello. Pour into the shot cups, refrigerate for at least 90 minutes. Once set, add cool whip using a popsicle stick. Fill the cup to about 2/3, then level the cool whip as good as you can so no peaks will stick through the blue jello. Return to the fridge.

While the raspberry is setting in the fridge w/the cool whip, prepare the berry blue jello as you did the raspberry. At room temp, add the 1 c of alcohol mixture. Pull out the set cups & gently pour the berry blue mixture onto the tops. I used a tablespoon measuring spoon, but a kitchen syringe might be a good idea. Let the blue jello set until tacky (around 30 - 45 minutes or so) then add the cut up marshmallows.

50 shot cups were the perfect amount for this recipe. I added a little bit extra Lime Vodka for the berry blue, maybe an extra 1/4 c, so the mixture was more like 1 1/4 c total. & after reading the website I mentioned above, you can do that. The jello's consistency did not alter a noticeable amount. It was firm enough for the shots.

I didn't want to get drunk, so I didn't have 15 of them. I did have a few & they are a different joy as far as jello shots go. The cool whip makes them more like a dessert shot.

I said will never make them again, but it was kinda fun. So I might.

Wait, there's more...

My kids this weekend:

She's way in the back, see her? Water wings

& all.

Pool bully!

He loves being in the pool. I couldn't get him out.

Smoke Bombs

Smoke bombs!

Sparklers!

A roman candle. I got lucky with the shot.

This one looks like a flower.

Join everyone for Wordful/Wordless Wednesday

A neat little web application

2011-07-01T18:23:00.012-05:00

I found this little application on 2 occasions. One time reading an interesting blog here - Liberality, and another time just this morning over at The Good Life. I enjoy reading both blogs. What I came across was the "I Write Like" writing analyzer.

I kinda wanted to do a little experiment with my writing. Even though it says quite suggestively that "Check which famous writer you write like with this statistical analysis tool, which analyzes your word choice and writing style and compares them with those of the famous writers." Neither you or I can determine exactly how this little application garner's it's information (maybe you can, but I'm not all that technology adept), how was it coded to figure out our individual writing styles?

Does it pick up individual words in the post & attribute them in a broad spectrum of words used by those famous authors? Does it calculate a section of text & compare it to a snippet of a novel? Does it take the whole piece & compare it to different famous stories? Is it a fun little do-hickey? Yes. Do I conform to it's believability? Nope, well, maybe not at first.

How cool is to to be compared to great writers in history? It's awesome! & as I enter different posts into the neat-o analyzer, I am always surprised & excited when I get the result. Cause it's FUN! Wouldn't it be cool if it were truth? I really wish I felt like it could be. I just don't know if it's consistent enough to believe, nor do I know if my writing style varies so much that it would trigger so many different outcomes. Okay, the latter is probably correct. I know I don't write consistently the same.

Here are some of my results from non-everyday blogging:

This post (not for the faint of heart or easily creeped out) won me H.P Lovecraft. I love it!

This post won me Ray Bradbury!! Awesomesauce!

This poem won me Vladimir Nabokov. Really?! Cool!

This post won me David Foster Wallace (who?).

This one...wait for it... J.D. Salinger! Wooo hooo! So cool!

This one, my personal favorite, Stephen King. Yesssss!

You know reading this, you may think I'm being sarcastic, but I'm so NOT! I am very excited that some of my writing may actually be compared to some of these great writers! I'm stoked! As I begin to go further into this little experiment, it seems I do have some consistency to speak of.

Finally, this post has me writing like a female writer. Margaret Mitchell.

And, oh my, YES! This post has my writing similar to that of Anne Rice!! I've read lots Anne Rice, I don't think I have the same dedication to prose as she does.

To further this experiment, I went ahead & broke down one post, paragraph by paragraph. Interesting results. The post as a whole compares my writing to Jonathan Swift. The first paragraph, Mark Twain; the second, Cory Doctorow; the third, James Joyce; the fourth, Stephen King; finally, the last one, Ursula K. Le Guin.

I analyzed some writing from a group I used to participate in & one of my shorts had my writing compared to Gertrude Stein, one compared me to Margaret Atwood, Arthur Clarke for another, a poem I wrote compared it to Charles Dickens...wow! This piece, which I began to write thinking I may write an actual novel, well, it got me another reference to Stephen King.

Overall, I write the most like Cory Doctorow (who was born the same year I was) and often like Chuck Palahniuk (who wrote the novel Fight Club - & that's just awesome!). Neither of whom I'd heard of until I used the application. I had fun with the experiment. If you choose to try, post it & comment here (or just put something in your title & if you're in my blog list, I will see it) and I will swing on over & check it out. Whatever the outcome, I know it makes for interesting conversation.

A Fragmented kind of week.

2011-07-01T11:58:00.008-05:00

Weird how some weeks just feel like this. Bits & pieces.

Sunday I got to spend time with my lovely friend Jill & her family. We ended up hanging out all day, kids had smores over a bonfire. I wish I had my camera with me. Andy made his first couple of marshmallows and nearly burned them through. Didn't matter cause he ate them anyway. His cheeks & all around his mouth were covered in mallow ash. It looked like a he fell flat on his face in dirt.

I also got to cook in Jill's kitchen. Her husband redid it for her (lucky! cause he really did the work, didn't have to hire someone) a couple of years ago & it's truly a dream kitchen. It has a bow ceiling. It has mahogany cabinets (not entirely sure of the wood, but they are a gorgeous reddish wood), & a beautiful island with a huge pot rack over head. She is a keen decorator, too. I love being in her kitchen.

I am a home decor voyeur. If I take any kind of drive at night, I slowly pass people's home & try to peek in windows to see how they decorate. What do they have on their walls? What kind of furniture do they have? How did they paint or are the walls stark? I'm a weirdo like that. I really just want to see the decor. If I see a person, I look away. There's this one house around here. I think the guy bought it just to flip it. He's been in it for months & it has a large picture window (no window treatments at all). All I see in there is camping chairs, a big flat TV & much construction stuff. Either that, or he's just remodeling it for himself.

The weather was just about perfect last week. Not hot at all, perfectly cooler evenings.

I'm not sure what made me want to, but this week I watched a couple of 9/11 conspiracy documentaries. All I can say is there were a lot of things that were (seemingly) evidential and really made me wonder. In some aspects of each of them, I am on the fence with my opinion. Some of the evidence (and it's very convincing) seems downright realistic and terrifying all at the same time.

We need to start doing things of substance this summer. Haven't done much of anything.

Last night we had storms blowing through that were loud & bright. The loudest & brightest in years. I hate being woken up by thunder several times a night.

Big plans this weekend, maybe a "cup runneth over" kind of weekend. The in-laws in town, an open house & a good friend's party (with jello shots...maybe).

Friday Fragments, join the fray

Summer reading - Wordless/Wordful Wednesday

2011-06-29T01:50:00.000-05:00

I picked up a couple of books for the children yesterday. Andy got some Captain Underpants and Maia some Junie B. Jones books. I was going to grab Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing for Maia, but looked through the book & thought, maybe we'll go with something I know she'll read with ease, first. I know she can read well, but I didn't want to overload her...little did I know.

She likes to read aloud when I'm listening or when no one complains

Maybe I should have gone with some Judy Blume, instead. I'm a sucker for a bargain & the Junie books were buy 2 get one. I brought them home last night around 8:30 & Maia's done with all 3 books! I got the longest stories I could find. I think it took her about 2.5 hours to read all of them (she didn't just sit & read, it was spread out over the course of the day). She's 7. Yay for Maia & I am going to get her Judy Blume next time, for sure. I know she can handle them. I also want to pick up the first Harry Potter because that's the only one we no longer have. I don't know what happened to it, but it's missing. I know she'll enjoy those just as much as I did.

Enjoying a beautiful day out on the deck with a book.

I think she's my only solid "reader like me". I can get caught up in a series & finish them in no time. Just like I did with James Patterson's Women's Murder Club. Andy claims he doesn't like to read and Kyle thinks there are more important things to do besides read. Like play computer games or the PS3.

Mini-me (named for her mama cause she looks just like her) was kinda just wondering what we were doing. She's peekin'.

I just has to see what yous doin'.

Join up for Wordful/Wordless Wednesday!

The GALL of my gall bladder!

2011-06-27T13:54:00.003-05:00

How could you do this to me? Is it so hard to intake so many refined sugars & fatty meats while not consuming the things that are truly good for you? Really!?! I am ashamed of you and hate you for causing intermittent pain because you so desperately need a good cleanse. And who gave you the right to get all diseased & unhealthy anyway? It is my body after all, you just live in it, neighbor of my liver!

That being said, yes, I've cause an internal issue for myself that may one day require surgery. I don't like surgery & I think, if I do things right, I may be able to avoid it. I've already decided that I needed to start eating better (decided - a long time ago. It's not working out so well.). I want to eat more food. Period. I typically don't eat much of anything except dinner. During the days before the DOT, I will get cravings for many things, none of which are good for me, or my gall bladder. If I do better my eating habits, then even indulging once a month shouldn't be all that bad.

I was reading a few articles online & now I want to know how to make beet juice. Beet juice with carrots & cucumbers because they help cleanse (& maybe even heal!) the gall bladder. I don't have a juicer, nor do I intend to buy one. Do you think I can use a blender & maybe just puree it? I also read that pears & pear juice are good for the gall bladder. Pears are my favorite fruit, so I can do that, too.

Had to go to the ER early Spring 2010 because the pain was so intense I almost couldn't walk and I had no idea what was causing it for 3 days. I was diagnosed with gall bladder disease & the ER doc told me that if I ever came to the ER again, with this same issue, he wouldn't wait. He'd just send me in for surgery. He prescribed vicodin for pain management. I didn't even pick up the prescription for almost 6 months because it took my gall bladder that long to get pissed at me again. & I can tell you, I HATE, HATE taking vicodin. It does take mere minutes to get rid of debilitating pain, but the feeling I get, the queasy, weavy feeling? Can't stand it for those feelings & it makes me a complete bitch. No one can talk to me without a full on bitch blast. I hate being that way, too. It also takes me at least 2 days to recover from taking one pill. I get lazy, sleepy & just don't want to do anything.

The last 2 mornings I woke to this lovely pain. It takes me out! Nsaids (so, sue me or tell me that I'm doing more harm to my body) worked this morning. It took about 2 hours, but the pain is severely dulled. I can function. I am going to go shopping for fresh beets, carrots, pears & a couple of cucumbers. I need to start now because I don't think I can take much more of this.

Not on Saturday

2011-06-25T15:13:00.005-05:00

Typically, I don't post on Saturdays. Not because I am way too busy, just because I don't. I don't have an excuse or explanation other than that.

Since I'm back to blogging, I figured Why not?

The band-aid is firmly in place & we are okay. As usual. I have been considering (really, after 17 years? This should have been in place ages ago, but we forget...) date night. A regular date night with my husband. I think it will be good for us because we don't talk enough about things of substance. Baseball has substance, okay, I get it, but why is it the only topic it seems we can really connect with? Or Football in the fall?

I hope that a few of you may have some ideas. We are on opposite sides when it comes to interests. Maybe a better way to put it, he has a sports side when it comes to interest - that's all. I remember hearing, long before I had interest in relationships or marriage, about how so many men are only sports oriented. As I got older, I didn't believe it. Now, I do. I want to be able to go out to a nice restaurant, but he's picky & doesn't like to try new food. I want to be able to go to a movie & we have gone to movies, but he doesn't like to because it makes him soooo sleepy! I wouldn't mind going to a concert, but he doesn't like live music. I wouldn't mind going to a local place & listening to open mic night music, but he says they all suck. I wouldn't mind going to a comedy club, but he says he hates live comedy. And here's a kick, while I love going to live sporting events, he hates it. He'd rather be in the comfort of his man cave watching all (yes ALL!) the action on his 65" LCD HD. "Honey, it's like being at all the games!" I wouldn't mind going to local theater & seeing a production, but you get the gist of it. I wouldn't mind taking a long drive in the country, armed with my camera. That would give us a lot of time to talk, right? Yeah, you know.

Once in a while, we'll go out with this one couple we enjoy spending time with. Those times we go out to the bar. In my mind, that doesn't qualify a date night.

So what do we do? Can anyone offer any other suggestions for a date night or do I need to hog tie him, throw him in the trunk & drag him somewhere?

For my old buddy Michelle (I re-read it & it is quite corny):

From 9-15-93 (before we were married - I think this was when he went to NY with a friend of his)

This house is so lonely
Without you here.
This bed is so empty
When you're not near.
My heart is just aching
For your return.
My mind is just crazy
And filled with concern.
I miss you so much
You know how I do,
Because I am such
A fool for you.
Don't carry on down
The road too long,
Because here next to me
Is where you belong.
You've taken my heart
Along for the ride,
And I'm keeping yours
Right here by my side.
I know you'll be home
In just a short while,
But til then I'll miss you
For every mile.

Not a real poem, as real poetry is so much better. I . am. so. embarrassed. I was only 22, so there.

The first post for Friday Fragments

2011-06-24T02:43:00.005-05:00

My very first Friday Fragments. I know I'll get better at keeping track of the things I want to mention on Fridays. Usually, I have lots of random in my head throughout the week.

I sent out 60 invites for a party! Yeah! (if we calculate 25% of them show up, I may just see 15 people at the demo!) I don't want to get my hopes up, but I think it will be there & a few more. Could mean a fabulous turn out, which I so desperately need!!

I found a very old poem I wrote this week. From 1993. Cute, but kind of corny. If anyone wants me to share it, just ask. ;)

My children are amazing me! I think the Dewd is really starting to get it. I've seen his behavior improve by leaps & bounds over the last month. He seems to be responding well to my "no nonsense" attitude. Who knew consistency would work...

We need to shave Porkchop again. He looks so cute when he's groomed with his lion tail.

I don't feel today like I did yesterday. Why is it I equate music to situations? I found a couple more songs I could've thrown up here to express what was in my head.

Thanks, Mrs. 4s (or 4444)!!

What it's all about

2011-06-23T20:00:00.003-05:00

Many people say they started blogging & continue to do so in order to keep their sanity. It's therapeutic. I wholeheartedly agree, to a degree. I like being able to come here & express myself & issues with the kids & how they can really drive me nuts! That part is absolutely therapeutic, especially when someone comes along with a bit of their own experiences and then I feel like I'm not the only one.

The last few days have been a kind of hell here. & no, it's not the kids. In fact, since Summer break began, they have really been doing so much better than I expected & this year I forgot to state all the rules. I guess they just remembered. So, a huge thanks go out to them for being my wonderful, fabulous, ever loving brood!

What I don't see a lot of in this community is truth about the marriage. Maybe I haven't explored enough or gotten back into reading enough. I guess we're so into just dealing with everything else, we want to portray that the marriage is all good. (I'm thinking I have a lot more reading to do, but still) I feel the NEED to vent something. & I can do it without putting everything out there. (If any of you were around a few years ago, there was one blogger that had a huge following, but she did let the personal get way too personal. We found out things about her that we really should never have known.)

So, my time to vent.

When is it too much? I mean, we've been married for 17 years (almost) and, really almost all of it has been pretty darn good. It's those times when I decide complacency isn't enough. When I feel like I'm doing everything & nothing at all. I am certain some of this is me. I would be stupid to think it wasn't. It's going over the same issues time & again & never really resolving them. We get to a point where agreeing to disagree will work, for now. It's not going to. I need resolution. I need to feel like the right things were said & we can be truly happy, like I feel we are most of the time. Except, without resolution - how is it that we are truly happy? A catch 22.

& how, when we fight, argue or disagree is all of it my fault? Then I suggest it's conformity you need, well, sorry, marriage isn't about conforming to the ways of the spouse. It's about compromise (and we've both done that - tons & in many ways), it's about support (and we've both supported each other with many things - I just feel like the support I get is limited to financial, not emotional), it's about kindness & appreciation (while we both strive to appreciate, it seems it's lacking in some areas). In most other parts of the marriage, things are almost always awesome - it's just this one area that seems like it shouldn't be as significant a deal breaker as it is with him. It's so stupid, too!!! There are a couple other rough spots, but this one is the frequent thing.

Why is it so hard to come to a resolution? Grrrr! This is how I feel right now. This is how I've been feeling for the last few days. And this is one of those times where I imagine escape. See, it's not the kids that make me want to run away. They could never build this much frustration in me. Maybe they could, but they don't.

A song that reflects what I feel (and I probably won't feel this way tomorrow, just sayin'):

(Not that I want to say goodbye to him, I love him incredibly, it's the turning of the tables I don't need every time we argue, and the silent treatment)

Writer's Workshop

2011-06-23T13:15:00.009-05:00

Europe

Okay, Europe is not a country. I find it very difficult to pick just one country there. I was watching a movie last night & thinking that I should be living in London. Or somewhere in the English countryside. Of course, movies depict the landscapes of other countries beautifully. I don't think the editing makes the places look better, I believe that's how they look in the location the movie is shot. Location, location, location, right?

All of these countries are just a stones throw from one another - how is that not awesome? My brother has been to Europe a couple of times & he said they are so close together it's almost like driving from town to town in any state in the US. I'm sure that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I get what he's saying. If I had to choose a place to begin my journey - I would choose Italy.

The Boot

Most of Europe has a ton of places to visit in each country, landmarks, historical attractions, dining experiences, etc. Something about Italy, though, just makes me want to go there & soak up the culture, the scenery, the absolute beauty of the place. The wonders to see, too!! The Roman Colosseum - wow - I want to go there & feel the brutal history of that place. I imagine the spirits of it still angry & full of fight. I get goosebumps just thinking about it.

And Venice!! The water canals of streets, the amazing architecture that is centuries old! The romantic fountains and colorful shorelines, and I'm sure there are several rustic cafes all over every city in Italy; oh and who can forget the Tuscan Countryside.

If I ever make it to Europe, I hope I have at least a year to do everything I want to do there and that may not even be enough time. Maybe in another life? Maybe before I die...I will know when it happens.

This is my project for Mama Kat's

Writer's Workshop

My Show Off

2011-06-22T23:54:00.010-05:00

I don't use any kind of super camera. It's just an old(er) Olympus SP-510. I want something more, an SLR - Not sure if I'd go with Canon or Nikon. In my mind an SLR means "do something with it" more than just taking pics of things I want to. Make more out of it than a mom taking pics of the kids. I don't think I have that kind of eye, I just think I get lucky sometimes.

I don't even know how to use my camera to it's greatest abilities. I am fully unaware of all of it's features. Even so, I have some favorite pics I've taken using it. This photo wasn't even taken by me. (I just re-read the guidelines & I hope no one minds, it isn't me, but he learned from me - can that count? next week, I'll do it right.) It was taken by my 16 year old son, when he was 15. He got lucky, too. Kyle placed a ball cap on our cat Porkchop's head. We all know how much cats love hats & how long they allow the hat to cover them, right? Lucky, but a brilliant photo. He doesn't even looked pissed, like he did right after the hat came off.

There was no editing done to this photo except to resize it.

Awesome shot, Kyle! You've taken so many pics of Fatty (a nickname for Porkchop) but I think this one is the best! He's an uber photogenic kitteh!

I am participating for the first time in My Show Off! Check it out -

SYTYCD

2011-06-22T23:22:00.003-05:00

After watching for the last couple of weeks, I can say with great certainty that I don't want to see anyone go because they are so absolutely talented!!

Standouts for me - Melanie, Tadd, Mitchell, Clarice, Caitlynn, Alexander, Sasha & Jess.

I am a fan of - Jess, Tadd, Melanie, Sasha, Clarice & Caitlynn. Jess is my favorite boy. I think because he feels like an underdog. He's a shorty, but his skills are incredible! Melanie hooked from her first audition routine. She is just awesome! Tadd is proving that being a b-boy isn't all he is. Sasha has also been a standout from the beginning. After watching the other 2 girls, Caitlynn & Clarice, I am awed by their talent, too.

I am annoyed by - Jordan. Ryan, Robert, & Miranda. Ryan irks me with her weird facial expressions & last week she smiled way to much for a routine that was supposed to be touching, and kinda a sad thing. This week she had too many "wah wah" moments. You know, the mouth WAAAAHS open hard & then goes into a fishy lips kinda deal. Just weird. Robert's Woo-woo was annoying, but this week he did do a great job, but it was his style, even if he's free style. Miranda, well, she has confidence in her dance, but it seems she kinda lacks that in herself. Jordan, while she is a superb dancer, there's just something about her that rubs me the wrong way. I do give them all kudos for mad talent!

This is my "routine of the week" from the competition show:

It's a NappyTabs hip hop routine. They wanted the dancers to portray a couple that has been separated by war. The husband (Alexander) is coming home & the wife (Sasha) doesn't see him at first. Sasha does an excellent job of pushing the anguish out in the beginning and the joy, disbelief, love & everything else comes out of both of them when they get together. It's a gorgeous number!!

Everything this week was awesome, no one disappointed me. Wadi was a little stiff in his cha-cha, but I give him major props for doing what he did. Jean Luc (the choreographer) said that it was the most difficult routine he's ever choreographed for the show.

Wordful Wednesday

2011-06-22T01:28:00.012-05:00

I don't think I could ever participate in Wordless Wednesday because I talk too much.

Last Saturday, I took my 2 youngest to see a soapbox derby. I didn't even know we had one around here til last year. I went with my good friend Jill & her youngest son participated. Both of her sons have been doing it for years, but her oldest has (kind of) grown out of it. Next year, my kids will be a part of it all.

Here they are after watching most of it :

I have to throw this one in - Andewd was watching my friend's son race & rooting him on - the end result was a win & an awesome reaction from the Dewd.

We had a good time, but they were both really bummed that they weren't doing it.

I'm adding a few more pics....didn't know if I should or not, but there is more to see - just a few of the racers in their cars.

This style car is for the early years kids. I think 7-10 year olds. The first year drivers are only allowed name & sponsor stencils, otherwise the cars are just white.

These cars are for the age group 11-13 (I think, maybe even to 14).

These are the older kids cars. They almost lie down in them & we can barely see their eyes. Looks so awesome!

Join Seven Clown Circus for Wordful Wednesday!

&

Fridge Smart

2011-06-21T07:00:00.000-05:00

If you don't know about this, you need to! On sale this month!!

I talk about Fridge Smart all the time! Since February this year, I've saved so much on produce it isn't even funny! I'm not just saying this, it's been proven to me. I am the one that never really believes what the product marketers tell me until I do it myself. I keep leaf lettuce in my fridge for over 3 weeks. Yeah, it's still edible & crisp! Strawberries have lasted more than 3 weeks for me, too - no mold, no mush!

I think I am going to video my experiences with this. We have a shopping day coming up. I will put it to the test for you. In my opinion, this set is a MUST HAVE for everyone! The average American family wastes over $600 annually throwing away their nasty, moldy, slimy produce. This product will, virtually, eliminate that.

Dreaming

2011-06-20T13:43:00.003-05:00

I don't often remember my dreams. It seems I dream more when I sleep little. If I take an afternoon nap, then I wake with a bit of scenery in my mind.

This morning, I woke up to massive claps of thunder shaking my house. The power going out & everything beeping in the short instant it came back on. The kids followed suit, waking from the thunder. The big kid told me that one bolt of lightning was so close he could see sparks emanating from it. The thunder that followed was deafening and rumbled all of us.

Very early this morning, the sky awoke pink, well, more than the sky - the air in between was tinted pink. I kinda had the feeling the weather would be hard today. Before I went to bed, it looked a little orange out there. When the storm woke us, it was green outside. That scary greenish hue that makes one think tornado! There was none here, good thing. I did have a very hard time going back to sleep.

Then, when I woke up, I was feeling the dream. It was Helen. & it's odd - I've heard people speak of some dreams being visits. I think this may have been & I'm wishing I could remember more of it. I felt like it was just her being Helen. We were talking & she was laughing and I was laughing & it was comfortable, nice. Maybe it was the last conversation we never got to have. It was good.

Perusing blogs and other pertinent talk

2011-06-20T01:40:00.008-05:00

I have a lot to say tonight. If you read, I am grateful, if you don't, that's your prerogative and I don't mind. When I originally started blogging (back in November of 2007), and I can't remember how I started - just that I did because I wanted to write. The whole purpose of it was to hone my writing skills. Initially, I wanted to remain kind of anonymous. My first post is raw & not all that pretty. It's maybe most indicative of who I was at the time & who I, kinda, still am. I'm more guarded, now, I've censored myself a bit. Social Media guarded and censored. I name my children, now, & didn't do that in the beginning. They were the numbers that signified their ages at the time. Hard to believe 3 is 7, 6 is 10 and 13 is almost 17. Time flies.

I like going back & reading because it helps me remember who I am. Sometimes I need reminding because I lose myself in pleasing others. I lose myself in trying to be correct. I see other bloggers writing & some of it is raw - those are my favorite blogs to read. Some of it feels flaky, or too unreal. Not made up, but life experiences expounded upon (this is what I do and sometimes I think I'm boring & talk too much) extensively. & maybe that isn't what it is at all. Maybe those bloggers just have a harder time expressing, in this blogging forum, exactly what they are feeling. This is simply my perspective.

We all have our own perspective. I may see things one way & you another. That's OKAY! It doesn't make me wrong & you right, or me right & you wrong. It just is, simply, the way we view it.

I've met several people here in the blogging community. I used to have some blogging places that I could always go to for some charm, some laughter, some tears, more laughs w/honesty & fun or just to be smacked back into reality. When I stopped blogging for more than a year, I lost most of those friends & have come back to find that many of them are gone & some are still here. Since I haven't blogged in forever, those who were keeping up with me, don't know I'm back (or don't care...;) ). Yeah, I think I'm back for good, but me being the inconsistent terd that I am, I may drop out from time to time. Never again for longer than a year, but once in a while - I can't promise I won't.

Oh yeah, some of those bloggers moved over to Wordpress. What's the deal with that?

The first blog I started reading regularly was Candid Carrie's. I don't think she's blogging any longer, but she was a great read! She had me laughing often and she started this meme (before it was called a meme) called Friday's Foto Finish Fiesta. We all shared a photo that we took during the week (or from another occasion). That was how and when I realized bloggers were a community.

As I'm going to visit different blogs, I see SITS everywhere. Bloggy Boot camp, wow. How far it has all come. I remember reading Tiffany's blog before SITS was born, Heather's, too. Heather isn't doing it any longer, not sure why. I remember stumbling across the early workings of the new SITS blog. It was empty, still an idea trying to work itself into action. Then it became something pretty big, right out of the gate. & back then, I felt it was almost clique like. If you were a blogger & you wanted to be read, you participated. So I did. Not long because it felt like I was trying to get approval, not so much that I was trying to get support. High school was not fun for me partly because of the cliques and this felt like that. "Hey, like me, comment on my posts, tell me I'm great..." and that feels so hypocritical of me because I LOVE getting comments. It just seemed I wasn't getting...enough. I wasn't popular enough. Maybe I just suck at writing & I'm too long winded. I can't say I really know why I felt this way, I just know I did.

Then MamaKat started the writer's workshop and I LOVED that! I have gone back to it because it makes me write about things I don't always find easy to write about. It's good practice. I think I had better skills back then & they are kind of dehydrated right now, but I enjoy it. Slowly the water is seeping into the keyboard & filling the fingers with it's dew.

I found Friday Fragments at Mrs. 4s. I have yet to participate, but I know I will. Many of my ramblings are fragmented. Just like it all goes on in my head. I started to post one this past Friday, but I had plans to go to a benefit. The fragments turned more into a tribute to someone I didn't even really know. I will share that in this post, later. The benefit was for Samantha Uphold.

I am devoted, again, to my blog. I am devoted to being a Tupperware Consultant (party on the 30th - hopefully, extending a network). I want to be devoted to making my jewelry cause I have some ideas that I need to get out of my head. Those things are about me, for me. I am always and have always been devoted to family. It was just balancing family with everything else.

Here's what came from Friday -

Our school lost a brilliant teacher this week. She began her career at our school when my 16 year old was in 5th grade, then her name was Ms. Vanamin. He had her for a few lessons in the school year throughout the year. She was just beginning & the 5th graders were prepping for middle school, so they switched back & forth for a few classes. She was barely 30, this year. She was an amazing photographer, especially when it came to children.

She developed Hodgkins Lymphoma sometime last year. The school did a fundraiser during the year & called it "Links of Love". I was there when she came through to see it, volunteering for my daughter's classroom (they had a big assembly to present everything, but I didn't attend it). It took everything I had not to cry walking through the halls, watching her view it all. The links were strewn throughout the elementary building hallways. The kids (in this very small school) raised over $2400. I couldn't talk to her, I could barely look at her because I just felt so bad for her. I would have blubbered, had I spoken to her. I can be that emotional.

I am not a beacon of the community, so I am not very privy to all the info. I heard that she was put into a medical induced coma around 5 weeks ago, I wasn't sure why & I'm still not sure why. I do know from reading her blog (that is her first post, click home to read her last), that a year to the date of her diagnosis, she was in remission. She was awaiting a stem cell transplant. She passed while in the coma. She has a fundraiser tonight at a local coffee house. That's what my girls & I are doing this evening. Rest in Peace, Samantha Uphold. I know your students loved you. You will be greatly missed. You are an amazing person with a wonderful soul that will live on forever.

* Carrie is still around! Yay!!!

Things I do

2011-06-16T10:29:00.003-05:00

So, when "The Kennedys" aired on Reelz channel, I was entranced by the portrayal of Bobby Kennedy by Barry Pepper. I'm an indiscriminate watcher of any kind of movie, not a critic. I enjoyed all of the performances by the cast. I was a little leery of Katie Holmes (ew...) as Jackie , but she actually pulled it off pretty convincingly. I was a bit annoyed by her accent, at first. But Barry Pepper was, by far, the most amazing in his portrayal.

Anyhoooooo, I was lured into checking out the tv drama "Brothers & Sisters" from the beginning. It was never a show I was really interested in checking out, but I was enticed by the preview. Who doesn't love Sally Field? So I became entwined in the family after a couple of weeks. I got better instant gratis because the show aired Monday thru Friday in syndication. By the third weekend, I was feeling a little deprived the days I didn't get an episode. I turned to Netflix. What an amazing series & I caught it just in time to see it end. I'm all hurt now. :( I understand the actors needs to move on, but I will miss the amazing cast of characters. They felt like a real family with real issues. Not some BS "normal" family from Normaltown USA.

This season of SYTYCD is going to be Ah - MAZING! The dancers are the best I've seen & they are adapting to other styles like no one in any other season. I'm stoked. I haven't had a routine nuke me, yet, but when I do, I'll post a link to a vid (if I can). The choreographers are inspired by the pure talent of the dancers, so both are forced to put out their absolute best.

A big ole Happy Birthday to both of my brothers this month. Luke on the 7th & Jay, today the 16th. Wish we could hang out & celebrate. Oregon, Nebraska & Indiana - we're just too far away. :(

My one and only Summer Camp

2011-06-16T00:00:00.002-05:00

3.) Share a Summer Camp memory.

I honestly don't remember how old I was. I want to say I was 11, or maybe 12, but I think 11. We were still living on 56th place. We moved to 83rd Dr the summer before I turned 13.

We'd never been to a summer camp before. My older brother & I were made to do this. My parents thought it would be a good idea to keep us busy during at least one of the summer months. I dreaded it - absolutely, categorically dreaded it. I did not want to get up early in the morning. I did not want to be bossed around by people I didn't know. I did not want to be told what I had to do all day long. To me, it felt like I was going to outdoor school. No more school - that's why it's called summer "break".

I remember being dropped off the first morning to be picked up by the bus and wanting to cry. I was so pissed! I can imagine the sour look on my face, standing there in stupid 80s shorts & tube socks up to my knees with colored stripes on them.

I want to be able to relay the many fun things we did in our Summer Camp. I can't do that because I don't remember most of it. I remember the Adams county fairgrounds & the "rocket" we got to play on; and the drive that felt like a near lifetime it took to get there on the hot, steamy bus. I remember Rotella Park before I knew it was Rotella Park. (83rd Dr. was close to Rotella Park & that place holds many a memory for me once we moved there).

I remember the warm, soggy sandwiches & the banana tasting oreos or chips ahoy from being in the same box/bag with the banana. Sometimes even the sandwich tasted like banana. I remember water that was never cold enough & koolaid that was watered down by ice that melted too fast.

I remember the first girl I ever knew that shared my name. Alexis. Everyone called her Alex & I remember wishing that I could be called Alex. If people call me that now, I cringe. I just don't find it as appealing as I once did, but it's also because I am Lex or Lexie (only by old family & friends, no peers call me Lexie - not too fond of it as an adult).

I remember the smells of the fresh mowed grass and the fishy smell of the sprinkler systems at most of the parks we went to. I remember my first real kiss with a tall dark haired boy. No, I don't remember his name. I do remember how he looked. Dark, almost black hair cut in the short "bowl" haircut of the time. He was older than I was. He was a head & shoulders taller than I was. He wore a white t-shirt and blue jeans. There was a group of us & we were playing games we shouldn't have been playing (so much for supervision...) like Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle - in the middle of a hot afternoon. We were in some kind of tent. Out of the view of most everyone. I don't remember what prompted the kiss, I just remember the kiss. His lips were soft & dry. I felt something in my gut stir & spread up though my shoulders and my head felt light, the stirring swept down my arms & my legs. It was so blissful & then his lips parted. I felt something warm & moist glide over my own lips. I was stunned, but shockingly amused. I giggled & it was done. I looked at his face, smiling & he smiled back. It was like he knew my secret - that was my first real kiss.

This was near the end of our time at camp & it was a day camp. They didn't have anything planned for us besides hanging out at the park. I'm thinking the tent was for shade. As I'm typing this, I think this may have been the very last day of camp. What a memory to take away from it. I'm smiling on the inside. ;)

Is time an illusion?

2011-06-15T04:12:00.004-05:00

Sheesh! I think it may very well be. It doesn't feel like it's been 7 days since I last posted, yet here we are 7 days later. I suck at consistency.

Insomnia. I've always considered myself a night owl. I like staying up late. This past year, though, it has been insane!! The last few months of the school year, I was resorting to staying up all night (for real!) and taking a nap after the kids were safe at school. The kids are out now & I can't do that, so much. I can sleep in a little, get up, nap a little & then dinner, kids stuff, TW demos, whatev. It feels like I'm losing my mind.

Yet, every night (even after a glass of wine & a half) I lie down in bed, tired as all hell and my mind will. not. shut. down. It's like the energizer brain. It keeps going & going & going...and it's LATE! I tried to rest my head at 3:45 in the am. I was up at 11, after settling down at 5:30am. How do I shut it down? I just want normal sleep.

I have tried to stay up all night & day, several times. I usually can't make it cause I'm not 16 anymore. BUT - the nap I take on the days I try is maybe 2 hours. You'd think that I'd be so wiped out, I couldn't stay up late at all. & I don't, then I wake up after a couple of hours & wham-o - I can't go back to sleep. Hate it! Hate it! Hate it!

Field day was cancelled because of torrential down pours. They spent the day inside the school just saying their good byes. My speech was fruitless. I told them winning wasn't everything, but knowing that you gave it all you had is! I'll try again next year.

I was at an all important business meeting tonight (well, really, a demo from a master with dinner - yahoo!) and one of my fellow consultants & I were chatting about the kids (why is it that we get away from them for a couple of hours & they are all we can talk about???). She gave me, maybe, insight into my Andewd's issue. Maybe, just maybe, he has slight problems with impulse control. It doesn't really fit him well. Then I look it up & a big fat wham-o again - me, it fits ME! Yeah, I won't get into that. Mine's a tad bit more personal than I'd like to share on this public a level. It's a shameful thing for me. He, however, doesn't exhibit the full spectrum of an actual disorder, just maybe the onset (that's a very leery maybe). I want to scrub it out before it becomes a thing. He just doesn't have control over his emotions & he gets angry at the drop of a hat, cries, yells, screeches & squeals. He's acting more like a 4 or 5 year old than his age of 10. These past few weeks, I've given him a little for the good, taken a lot for the bad. This is working for the time being. The fact that he responds almost immediately to the thought of having things taken from him, because now he knows I really mean it (DUH!) is awesome to me. I've told him how proud I am to see him controlling himself better. I give him his figurative pats on the back when he's having a good day. I'll keep the blog posted!

I didn't fully get away from the kiddos, I took Maia with me. I got the best compliment from someone of an earlier, stricter, more composed generation. She said - "Is that your daughter? ... My how well behaved she is! ... I saw her when I came in & then I didn't even know she was here. She's so very sweet, too." Then I heard it from 2 other people. My girl! I luff her to bits! I know it will all change when she gets older, but I can really enjoy it now. She's amazing!

The birds are chirping and, quickly, before I (hopefully) fade away, there was an injured young birdie in our front yard the other day. Our neighbor almost ran it over with his mower (it fell out of a tree). My kids were worried about it getting eaten by the local cats. We put it in a box and I called a friend of mine who does a lot for injured animals. She suggested we put it out of it's misery (there is now way I could...ever!) because, it's not demonstrative with pain issues, the poor little thing had its eye & part of its beak & tail taken out by the mower. She told me it would probably die anyway. Well, this evening, I felt so bad for it. It was no longer standing & we could see it was struggling. I let the kids say good-bye (the Princess was absolutely heart broken) and explained it was a part of nature. Today was a long day. Chirping birds, maybe I can sleep now.

Last day of school

2011-06-08T08:24:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is the last day of school for the year. Heading on to 2nd grade, 4th grade & Junior year. It always seems like each year goes by so much faster than the last, except the last few days of school. They are just dragging...

I'm not sure about something, so I will share. If anyone has an opinion, feel free to share it. Tomorrow is not only the last day of school it is also field day. I remember field day when I was a kid. I had a love hate relationship with field day. In my day, there was a lot of stress put on winning. Not by the staff, but by peers. I think the same is true today. Who doesn't love to win one of those colorful ribbons? Who never really gave a shit about the participation ribbon? Whoop-dee-doo, everyone participates. My dilemma - what do I teach my kids about winning? We've had conversations about feeling the need to WIN! Andewd is probably one of my most competitive children. He is also the sorest loser and he doesn't win very often.

I know I'm not the one who taught him to be a sore loser. I lose better than anyone, imo. Except arguments, but we're not talking about the last word. I have heard the words "winning isn't everything, knowing that you did your best is" and "it's okay to lose, it's all about having fun"come out of my mouth on several occasions. How do I stress that it's good to want to win without diminishing the importance of good sport. It's okay to lose...right? I want my kids to want to be good enough to win at everything, who doesn't? I don't want them hung up on not getting the ribbon or not winning & feeling terrible that they didn't.

Tonight, my focus is on that conversation. I want them to focus on having fun, because really, isn't that what field day is meant to do, bring the fun out on the last day of school - celebrate moving on to the next? Winning isn't everything, but losing sucks! Of course I'm going to tell them to just do their best & have fun. Is it enough & will it sink in that it's good to want to achieve the highest level of excellence and WIN? Probably not, because I'm advocating losing. It's a lose, lose situation. Ha!

School stuff

2011-06-06T21:39:00.002-05:00

So, I volunteered this year - lots - for my daughter's classroom. Today was a special "reception" for those of us who volunteered throughout the year. Anything to do with kids, that's sweet, almost always makes me tear up. They did this special thing with big cards that spelled out "Thank You!" and, of course, it almost made me tear up. I held my ground, though & didn't let them actually well. I have no idea why this happens to me, butit does. Christmas carols....OMG! I am so bad with that. & when Maia did her first program this year, it was sooooo hard to keep myself from crying. Again, I really have no idea why. It just happens & I get overcome by emotions.

Today was a lovely gesture by her teacher & we all got a foam framed picture of them holding up the Thank you! It'll be amazing looking back at them a few years from now. It always is.

Tomorrow, the kids are headed out on their final field trip. I'm kind of worried about the weather. it's supposed to be quite hot with a high heat index. I hope there are enough chaperones and that they watch all these little ones in the heat. This was one thing I didn't want to volunteer for. I'm just not into the outdoor stuff unless it's cooler weather.

Lots of thought, lost in thought

2011-06-03T07:40:00.008-05:00

I spent a lot of time thinking yesterday & the old adage "life is what you make it" kept filtering any thought I had. I feel like a big ol' crybaby Sally. I am not that person, I've never been. I am much more of a listener. I was thinking about a journey & sharing that so that anyone who might feel down on themselves can see that we control the good or bad in our lives (for the most part). My life is good right now. <-- It may not sound like it, but any time something happens that sets my mind adrift to the past I second guess everything I've ever done. I don't need a to do list, but I do. Those things I will keep to myself. Everyone has stuff to do. Motivation was the driving force behind feeling I needed to put it out there.

So - Andewd has a desire to never do anything in front of people. Especially things like singing. Yesterday was the school's Spring program. 3rd, 4th & 5th graders participated. We talked about it - at length & he was adamant that he couldn't (didn't) want to go. He hasn't participated in the programs since 1st grade. I am of the mind that if a child is absolutely uncomfortable doing things like this, he shouldn't have to. I remember the way he froze at the beginning of the last thing he was in & the look of fear in his eyes, the welling of the fearful tears & I didn't want to have to do that to him. He surprised me - he went, he didn't even see me in the audience & he did well. He had fun.

I was listening to the radio yesterday, on my way to deliver 2 charm bracelets and a song came on. I enjoy the music of the Sick Puppies. The band name is not appropriate for the type of music they produce, imo. The lyrics were soothing and right (of course I didn't know all the lyrics, but the ones I heard - fit. Now they fit even more.).

Riptide by Sick Puppies with lyrics:

Always, posting my hurt thoughts & making myself see what I feel helps me get through it. It clears my mind, it is motivating all on its own.

What haunts me?

2011-06-02T00:00:00.007-05:00

Falling out of love - will I? I sometimes secretly think this is all a farce. Married so long & I still feel those butterflies when I look at him - not every hour, but mostly once a day. He is comfort, pain; laughter, frustration; best friend, frenemy; lover & fighter all rolled into one. No one understands him like I do & no one understands me like he does. He truly is the only one who can make me see truth. Here comes the but - what if the kids grow up & things change so drastically that we no longer want to be? I keep hearing stories of couples married for so many years & then - bada-boom! It's over. I envision old age with him.

My children without me - I have had too many people die around me lately. I feel too young to be experiencing so much death. The ones who've died are 56, 40, & 37 years old. I knew 2 of them very well and 1 through someone else. When things like this happen, it frightens me - deeply. I don't want my kids to grow up without a mom. Especially my 2 youngest. I am so close to all of them (almost), but thinking of my younger 2 growing up without me in their life terrifies me - sometimes in a debilitating way when I'm trying to go to sleep. I try to shake the thoughts from my mind & they don't want to easily leave.

Success - so elusive. Well, it depends on how one might calculate success. I feel like my marriage is successful (so far, ups & downs & all), I feel like my kids will grow up to appreciate the way I brought them up. One just never knows the result until the test is over. They may want to set up the pyre & burn me at the stake, I dunno. For those things, I feel semi secure about the successes.

I keep trying new things & failing to follow through. This could fall into the category of this week's #3 writing prompt. Describe a flaw that seems to be in your genes. Inconsistency - in my genes. Can that be genetic? I tried blog design, it worked for a little while. I tried jewelry, it worked for a little while. I tried Tupperware & it worked for a little while. I tried Walmart & that didn't work at all. Ha! All of these things (with the exception of Walmart - unless you count grocery shopping) I still do - sometimes. I have a party scheduled for the end of the month. From there, my network will grow (wishful, positive thinking). I have someone looking for a blog design when I'm out of the design loop for well over a year, but I think I can. I have 2 charm bracelets for a jewelry client to pick up (and I haven't heard from her), plus an order from my Artfire account shipping out with the mail. I want to go back to school, for the last 2 years. I'm still not registered, but I did complete my FAFSA for the last 2 years. Writing, writing, writing. I don't do it nearly as much as I want to. It's another one of those things I keep trying & stopping.

Failure - see above. Do I want to do all of these things? ABSO-freakin'-LUTELY! (except for Walmart, unless you count grocery shopping) Why oh why do I remain so inconsistent?
Someone please slap me into action - about once every 3 months. I can't seem to do it myself. School - I wanna, sooooo bad! I can't bring myself to go back & learn that I really don't know much. I like to think that I am smart, but maybe that's the wool over my eyes. Kidding aside, I am so inconsistent I don't trust that I will FINISH, thus leading to failure.

P.S. This is not a pity party, I just want to figure myself out. What better way to do it than in front of an audience. Albeit an audience of one, but that's more than me.

I'm always able

2011-06-01T10:09:00.003-05:00

I just don't always feel like it.

So, I went to my good friend Jill's Party Lite party last night. It was fun, a nice get away - as most of those little direct sales gatherings are. The only bad thing about it, I always end up wanting stuff.

I got home after 9 and Kyle & I started working on his second version of his Illumination Poem for English. When he first brought up the assignment last Friday, I had no idea what it was. He did his first version in Power Point format, which was nice. I was watching him work & wondered if we could do the very same thing with Windows Movie Maker and make it 10 times cooler. I made my mom a slide show video for her 60th Birthday party, so I was familiar with the program. I also made my friend Jill a video for her mom. This is what Kyle & I made last night (a poem called "Volunteer" by Elbridge Jefferson Cutler):

It took us 2 and a half hours - good thing Wednesday is a late start. Had he worked entirely alone, it would have taken him a lot longer. I wish I'd have been able to do cool shit like that in high school. I really love making the videos. One day, when I have a million hours to upload my mom's video, I'll post it. It's right around 25 minutes long, so it takes a long time to upload.

On to the task at hand... Did I accomplish everything on my list yesterday? Yes, I did. The only thing I didn't do was finish my laundry entirely. I wasn't home in the evening, so I didn't have the kids put their clothes away. They are folded!!! That's for today. A bad side effect of doing this, I do the things I list, yet find myself neglecting some other things I need to do because...I don't feel like it. Yesterday was a busier kind of day & I was addled by lack of sleep. I am a bit of an insomniac. Any normal person would think hey, why not do the stuff when you can't sleep, well, I surely would if I wasn't so damned wiped out.

I started my blog redesign & I am far from finished. I just wanted to get something different up here. I like this layout. I am going to do my own background & I have a new header in the works. Very similar to the one that's here, just with more updated & more pics.

The man didn't have to work last night, so we hung out together after the poem was finished & 7:am comes really fast - but it seems to come even quicker when you go to sleep around 4:am.

The whole purpose of doing this, for me, is to get back to a place where I feel like I'm really doing the things I expect of myself. The past year or so (maybe longer) I don't feel like I'm living up to my own expectations. For example - if someone dropped by my house today, out of the blue, I'd be ashamed to let them in. My house isn't gross, by any stretch, but it isn't clean the way I like my clean. That said, I used to take care & it used to be important. In the grand scheme of things - perfect house upkeep isn't on my list of top 10 things I think are necessary for a great life. It's something I could see putting off for more important things - like spending good times with the kids & what-not, having a lazy day with the dock man because we don't get to spend enough time together.

Today:

Clean the kitchen (desperately in need of sweeping & mopping)
Take out the bathroom garbage (okay, so not a big deal, but I like to wait until aunt flo leaves before I empty the ick)

Oh yeah, I have to wash the covers for my sofa cushions. The brilliant Kyle was eating his cereal on the sofa & the baby (kitten) jumped into his lap. After he spent 10 minutes trying to wipe up the milk (impossible) I told him to take off the cover. I had to let him, at least, try. After I dropped them at school, I'm looking around for the tv remote. Lo & behold I find it under one of the back cushions dripping with milk. Lovely. I stripped the other cushion & wonder if the remote will work again...ever. It's a directv remote & those things are not cheap.

Small steps

2011-05-31T00:13:00.004-05:00

So I thought I'd begin my changes by writing down what I wanted to accomplish each day. I haven't done that yet. I did have a conversation with Kyle and I had a couple of arguments with the hub. I went to the lake house Saturday to visit the inlaws, I went to my friend's house Sunday for a barbecue. We had a little blow out between the hub & the kid (oh so very ugly!) and we're still trying to tame Andewd. And, yes, he needs taming like a wild animal.

Writing down, blogging, same difference (my dad's favorite oxymoron).

For tomorrow I will:

Finish the laundry (my nemesis)
Call a client/hostess
Start my blog redesign
Ship the bracelet

Not a big to do list, but it's a beginning. These things are things I would normally put off until "I feel like it". I will post at the end of the day, to remind myself what I accomplished & what I did not. I have evening plans, but that's neither here nor there. I can do what's on this list. Putting this out there for myself makes me promise myself that I will get it done.

I was just perusing my blog looking for posts about my enemy (laundry) & I realized I haven't ever really posted about how much I hate it. But, boy do I!! It's not that I mind washing & drying, that's the easy part. It's the folding & putting away. Yeah! My little ones are getting older, so they can cart their clothes up the stairs & to their drawers. Bad thing about that is, I like to finish my laundry at night, when they're in bed. At any rate - laundry sucks because it just NEVER ends! You can say the same thing about the dishes, but for some reason, I don't mind the dishes.

It was hot today. The kids got to play in the sprinkler (make shift sprinkler, cause ours broke last summer) for about 5 minutes. Really. Before I came inside to start dinner, I told them both not to pick up the hose, cause if either one of them did, some trouble would be started. Less than 5 minutes later, the Princess screamed, then started crying. She called into the house "Andy sprayed me in the face!" She is not in love with water in her face. She still has to have the wash cloth over her eyes (and ears) to wash her hair. So, I went out, turned off the water & sent them both in the house. Fluffy Fart didn't mind. She was pissed about the dripping face. The Dewd, however, was squealing and stomping all the way in the house, up the stairs, down the hall & into the bedroom. I don't know that he will ever be ungrounded. It's hard to reward his good behavior when it's fleeting. Then he gets his reward & a short time later, he's losing that very reward. I went into the bedroom & asked him what I said right before I came inside. He said "not to pick up the hose". I asked him why, he said "because it would be trouble". I asked him if there was trouble, he said "yes". I asked him what kind of trouble, he said "I sprayed Maia in the face". So, yeah...5 minutes.

Bleh...

A woman in need of transition

2011-05-29T04:24:00.002-05:00

So, in the past - as I’ve read through my posts - I’ve talked about needing change, wanting change, feeling stagnant. Since those posts, nothing has changed. Okay, some things have - just not the things I needed or wanted to change. I have felt the need for change for several years, not just the past few.

How many times have many of us stay at homes sat in wonder thinking is this all my life is? Is being a mom and wife everything I’m ever supposed to be? I can tell you that when I was young, this wasn’t what I imagined for my life. I can honestly say, I don’t remember what I wanted to do besides write or counsel. Yes, I did want kids & yes, I did want to be married and I am very happy that I am fortunate enough to have all of this. I’m not knocking it, not at all. I just can’t shake the feeling that there is more to me.

I am not the greatest mom in the world. I am not the greatest wife in the world. I have too many faults to list here, not because there really are that many (and there are), but because I don’t want to put myself out there that much. Well, maybe I do…a little.

I don’t want to fall asleep at the end of my life knowing that there was so much more to me than anyone ever knew. I want my kids to grow up knowing that I gave everything I have to life, so that they will, too. I am the quintessential underachiever. I have been for as long as I can remember. I like to blame fear of failure. I like to blame it, though I know it’s much more the fear of success that is the driving force behind why I am not more than me. Why would I be afraid of success? Lots of reasons. I am afraid of it mostly because I don’t honestly believe that I have what it takes to be successful at anything more than what I’ve already done. I have to ask, too, how is my success gauged? Who says what I‘ve done so far is successful? I don’t honestly believe I deserve it.

While raising kids has its successes, it has its failures, too. I’m learning this with my 2 older children right now. I am to blame for their woes, for now. I can sit & believe that eventually, they will overcome. My second oldest has told me, several times via hand written note, that I have done right by him. He tells me that he knows I do more for him than anyone else & that I’m the one who taught him certain things & read with him & spent the time. When I read that, I really want to be encouraged and feel good about myself. I can’t though, because I only read the words I’ve said to him when I was angry at him for acting out. Those are things I’ve said to him. My little mockingbird, how I love you. I really want you to find your own voice. I really want you to achieve greater than I ever have & I really want you to do that for YOU! Not for me, not for your dad, not for anyone but yourself. If ever your eyes come across this post, then you will know that I don’t want you to end up feeling like I do at 40. I want you to know that you’ve done everything you wanted to do for the rest of your life. Not because of anything I ever did, but because you CAN. As we’ve all heard time & again, life is what you make it.

My oldest. I truly want to feel what you feel. I want to go through what you are going through so that I can better understand why. From my perspective, these are my failures:

I had you for your first 2 years in my young life. In those first 2 years I was an irresponsible kid. In the very beginning, I bonded with you, I didn’t want to be away from you & I took the responsibility to heart for a while. Since I was so young & my parents were so willing to allow me to get away with doing much less, I did less. & that less became less & less. One day, it hit me that I wasn‘t doing enough. When I was 17 and not getting along with my own parents, I decided to make changes. For a while, it was working. I was doing most everything for you. I was going to school, working & doing my best to take care of you - with a LOT of help from your grandma. That kind of sounds like an oxymoron, but when I was with you, the responsibility was mine. Your grandma gave me that - it was a gift. I have to mention - a lot of my memories from around those years of my life, say up to age 20 or so, are very cloudy. I only have bits & pieces & those pieces are big things, really, really big things. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to remember how stupid I was back then, nor the things that helped mold me. Deep down, I know, but even deeper I understand why. I would never be able to explain it. I just know it all makes me what I am today.

Miraculously, I was given a door to open (this is one of those things I remember quite clearly - it was one of those really, really big things). A door, seemingly without negative consequence. I struggled to get myself to reach for that handle. At first, I didn’t think I could open it. I didn’t know if it would be the right thing to do. I felt it might be for the best. Then I fought with the ideal that it would always be okay, but never really knowing it would be. Hindsight, if I knew then what I now know…I don’t know that I would have opened the door. On that very same token, what would I have become? What would I have put you through? Because after that, my life is a whirlwind of shit decisions & dumb behavior - and I don‘t remember anything really good, just bad. The door was supposed to help me get myself to a better place, eventually, it did. It took a long time & honestly, at first, it wasn’t all that good. I didn’t use the opportunity to my benefit, or yours. I didn’t go to school, I didn’t try to make my life what I know I was fully capable of making it. I partied, I dated, I partied some more, I met someone who I thought would change my life. And he did. For the better? In some ways. Even since then, my life has changed immensely.

I openly admit, and I always have, that I didn’t spend nearly enough time with you after I opened that door. I lived in the same state with you for almost 2 more years. In that 2 year period, I rarely spent time with you - see above (partied, dated, partied some more). Then I moved to Illinois. One night, while I was in Chicago with the man who changed my life, I broke down. In his arms, I told him my sob story. We were a fresh couple. Everything was new. I told him all about you & how much of a failure I felt I was. He didn’t disagree, but he told me that I could have you back in my life. After we were together for a while longer & I was able to visit you on my trips back home, sometimes only once a year, sometimes twice. Eventually, we had our own place & it felt right then, I started taking steps to get you back with me. Was this my greatest mistake? I don’t want to believe it was. I want to believe that I was finally doing right by you. That this was the way it was finally supposed to be. Never did I think about the consequences - to me or to you. Hindsight comes into play again. I know how much of a tug-of-war it was for me, so what does that mean it was for you? & I know your grandma suffered in the same way I did, again - what exactly does that mean for you or, even better, what you feel it did to you NOW? We gave you lengths of rope. You towed both ends and we should never have given you that rope.

If I am trying to convey that I should have just let you stay there & not wanted anything else, not wanted to try to finally build our relationship, not wanted to love you completely because I thought I needed you with me to be able to love you completely, then that is what hurts me the most. I can see, now, how much hurt that caused. Unconditional love would mean that I let you stay & live your life the way you knew it. That means I let you grow under the support of the loving family that you had & that I don’t get to have any part of that. Struggling to see that, maybe, leaving you alone was the best thing I could have done for you is excruciating because I can’t take it back and even more so because I don‘t want to. I can’t take back the years I was allowed to love you & watch you grow & see you through some of the things you had to go through. I wouldn’t have had the many times we laughed & cried. I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to get your “Dear Mom” letter. I wouldn’t have had the chance to lose you several times to know what it meant to have you in my life. I also wouldn’t have had to suffer those losses so many times. I know I would regret not having the moments that we had, not having the time we had together. I still don’t think that time was enough, sometimes envying all that your grandma has. Because she has you, I never did. I apologize for all the things I can’t take back & I apologize for all the things I couldn’t do for you on my own, from the beginning, because I missed you, all of you - even having the time we did have.

Now that that’s out, maybe I can move a little forward. The purpose of this, what I’m doing here, is to try to make my life what I want it to be, because it isn’t. I’m not saying that I’m not content, because I am. For me, I want more. I want to be more for my family. If I put this out here, will it force me to do more? I hope so because, even writing this much has me feeling a little empowered, just a smidge. I have to decide what my first step is. What do I need to do? Stop making excuses. That’s my step 1. My most common excuse is “I don’t feel like it.” I’ve never been made to feel like it. It’s not up to anyone but me to make me feel like it. So that’s where it starts, as with everyone else - it starts with me. & I have to say, I’m so glad I don’t have the readers I had before. I’d be ashamed that I am not more than what I was before. I’ve always had promise, I just don’t make promises to myself - until now.

The loss of a friend

2011-05-27T09:39:00.003-05:00

I got a message from my mom. Her roommate & old friend gave in to cancer last night. I know she had been suffering severely. She has peace now, and comfort. It's so very sad, especially because I just saw her & got to spend some time with her last September. She was, or seemed to be, just fine back then. She was healthy. She was vibrant & active. She was not old enough.

I've known Helen for more than 30 of my years and I always enjoyed spending time with her & her family. I am so sad that she went so quickly. I will miss you, Helen. You were my mom's friend, you were my friend. I love you! Rest in peace.

SYTYCD

2011-05-27T08:24:00.007-05:00

Okay - I am not a reality TV junkie. I do like a few reality shows Idol, the First 48, & I will sometimes catch an ep of the Biggest Loser. I'm not into the whole drama fiasco shows. I don't watch Real Housewives, never even seen more than a commercial blurb; never watch Jersey Shore, I've never even seen a commercial blurb for it - I only hear about it & see snippets of the pseudo celebs on Yahoo! WTF is a snookie? I do like to catch episodes of My Fair Wedding w/David Tutera. He does some amazing things for brides to make all their wedding dreams come true. I just like watching him take their ideas & make them rock!

The season of So You Think You Can Dance opened yesterday & I am so stoked! It wasn't a show I thought I'd be interested in, but after watching, the talent is always incredible!! The choreographers they use are imaginative, creative & just plain awesome. I find myself feeling a lot of the emotional numbers. I never thought I'd be moved by a dance number, it happens so often watching that show. I will be posting some of my favorite dances via You tube. I was even thinking of going back & finding my fave from last year. Since I mentioned it - this was my favorite: Robert & Dominic doing a Nappy Tabs number (I can't embed the video, it's not available, but this is a direct link to the video.) My kids LOVE this routine. We even still have the ep dvr'd. My daughter will watch it once in a while. Because I could, here's my fave from Season 6. I LOVED Ellenore:

I know the other day I was thinking about a lot of other things I was wanting to write about. I think it may be too early this morning. My brain isn't firing, yet. Oh yeah, we have a new member of the family. My daughter had to have an ice pack at school the other day, she had an incident. She brings home this baggie full of water & says to me "I want a fish...pleeeeease!?" I tell her to ask her dad. He's pretty good at saying no. Guess what - he said yes... We went to our local pet supply place & we picked out a Betta & a neat little Betta aquarium. 3 cats & a fish. I never wanted more than one cat. I'll tell that story another time. She named her fish Blue Nemo Marlon.

Writer's Workshop

2011-05-26T00:00:00.000-05:00

I have participated before in Mama Kat's workshop. It's been a loooong time.

So, this week I contemplated a couple options. Writing about my mom - probably not a good idea, since she reads my blog. I'd hate to hurt her feelings by putting down what I feel I do better than she did. When she reads this, she'll understand. I appreciate she did the best she could and that's what matters most. I love her very much.

I also thought about big trouble. I couldn't pick just one big thing, further proving why my mom did the best she could. I was in trouble quite often.

I decided to go with a photo story of the beach. We live about 30 minutes from the Indiana Dunes Nat'l lake shore, Lake Michigan. We go there a few times every summer. I'm not much of a water person, but my kids LOVE the water. This particular visit, I had just gotten a new camera. It was in 2008. I can't find the power cord for my Ext HD, so I took these from my facebook account. They are my favorite pictures from that day. They are some of my favorite pictures of all time.

Trial and error

2011-05-25T04:41:00.006-05:00

As I've mentioned, I've tried several things to help Dew understand his responsibility in his behavior. He's getting better & some days are fabulous & some are not. We've been trying a new thing & for the first few days it was holding up pretty well. The last 2 days were a testament to needing to change our strategy, constantly. As with every other thing we've tried, this one fell to the way side early. Incentive doesn't work; charting doesn't work; praise doesn't work; restriction doesn't work. All of those things have been tried, some several times. They all only work for a short while. As I write this, I'm thinking, maybe I didn't give them enough time to fully play themselves out. Some of them I did give several months to. I still practice praise today.

While we all know all kids benefit from consistency, I've confessed my inability (or laziness, it depends on who you ask) to remain consistent. I've never been, with anything except inconsistency. & I have to say the Dew is my one child with whom I've been most consistent.

Sometimes I feel like he gets the brunt of my parental frustration. To be honest, he's probably right in feeling that. Whenever we hear anything going on with him when we're not in the room - it's his name we call out. Once in a while it's Kyle's name. If I ask myself why, it's because his behavior is so frustrating and a lot of the time he is the instigator. How do we get it across to him that he will NOT always get his way & that as a kid, he'll get his way a lot less. When he's an adult, he can get his way if he works for it. And that's his biggest deal. He wants his way ALL the time! I know - like every other kid on the planet. Thing is, every other kid on the planet doesn't cry, whine, squeal, stomp every single time they don't get their way. He's been doing it since he was 3 - he's 10 now.

My other kids didn't & don't do this.

The Princess (and I LOVE calling her that because she has been one - in a positive way. And she is a fluffy fart - the most gassy baby I've ever known, grown into a gassy little girl who is now modest, so the gas can upset her sometimes...) is an over achiever so far. She has so many more good days than bad & usually, it isn't a bad day, it's a bad few minutes. I can see how the positive feedback she gets so much more often will weigh on the Dewd. How do you explain to a kid that "she's not better than you, she just acts better than you"? I've never tried because I don't want him to feel like he is just bad. I do tell him he likes to make trouble, though. It really seems that way.

So, today I asked him to list (like pros & cons) his positive & negative behaviors. He could only think of negatives. That tells me that's what he has on his mind - most of the time. The negative. I had to help him with the positive. As we were listing those positives, his mood did lighten. I do praise him nearly every time he does something I ask without a fight. I praise him when he listens the first time & when he's very helpful. I praise him when the kids play well together. I always hope that the positive will make him feel so good, he'll want it more.

We're going to put up Dew's affirmations around the house. I don't know if that will work, but we are going to try. Affirmations & messages to "stop & think".

*sigh*

Housekeeping

2011-05-23T13:30:00.004-05:00

There, I said it. I've done it before and I can do it again. Not without much study, cause I do need to study. I haven't in ages. While I did enjoy some of this layout, I need something better. Will I do it - that, I am completely unsure of. I tend to put things on my plate that I never intended on finishing, they just looked good written down. And in this, my friends, I do feel alone. So many things left undone - in figurative & literal sense.

Ahhh, today is "N" day for Fluffy Fart's remaining days of school, alphabet thingy. I have some very wonderful people in my life that, for a couple of them, they only know me online & they only know her through me. Yet, still, they take the time to write my daughter a lovely note - just to say "hi". I know as the day goes on & she receives these notes, she is just going to gush with happiness. Sad thing is, I don't get to enjoy it right when she gets home from school because she has Basketball camp...hrmph!

We had a severe storm roll over our community (well, all around the state really) last night & it was kind of creepy - the clouds. Maybe I should have taken some video of the clouds like the Big Boy said. Then later, I begin to read online that Joplin, MO was hit very hard by a massive tornado & my heart just crushes. I stumble across a flikr stream of photos, by a photographer, who just happened to live right in the middle of the storm. There is so much devastation there and, it's one of those things - makes me want to jump out of my own life & into helping them with theirs. I know there are people that do that kind of thing every day, but I know my hub wouldn't approve. Maybe that's selfish of him, but he would say that I'm needed here. On that same token, what would I do there? I'd be standing around, in awe, not knowing what to do. This is certainly one of those things that people say "called them to action". I am not quite getting the call. The text comes through, but the message is empty.

I have always been on a trial & error thing when it comes to punishing the Dew. He's never been diagnosed with any ADHD or ADD, nor do I believe he is afflicted by either of them. Sometimes, however, his lack of focus is very apparent & I attribute that to being an active boy. Some days his behavior is very immature. Okay, somedays is a bit of a stretch - nearly every day is more appropriate. He only exhibits this behavior at home, or around people he's close to. Having been a parent (quasi- for nearly 25 years) for nearly 17 years, I know that a lot of whatever behavior he exhibits is due to the parenting skills I, and his dad, possess. One of the hardest things for me to do in any aspect of my life is to be consistent - with anything! So, I think he has a bit of that in him. Looking from that perspective has made me have to strategize behavior issues in different ways, often. (when I'm not being lazy, that is) I am trying something new & hopefully, we can curb a lot of the whining, squealing & crying.

The Big Boy is still an avid under achiever. At 16, I don't how to go about making him want to try harder, because the feedback I get from him is "You're just trying to control my life...". Well, DUH! Because I want you to understand what it takes to live in the real world. If you do go into the military out of high school, you will be in for the shock of your life at boot camp. Life here is cake compared to life in the military. *sigh*

I've been reading!

2011-05-20T10:32:00.002-05:00

Surprise! No, really, I have been perusing my old posts & again, I have to say that it is great to keep a blog. There are memories in here that I might not easily remember at the length they are posted here. I just have to commit to posting.

There have been several occasions since my leaving blogging for a long time that I wanted to post something interesting, something that happened or just tidbits from my favorite tv shows or movies that I'd seen. I just didn't do it. I have always been consistently inconsistent. That is the way my life goes. Of course I know it's all my doing. Everything I do I am in control of.

What's been happening - well, I worked at Walmart for all of 2 weeks. My kids got sick (ALL of them) at the beginning of March, then I got it - for THREE LONG weeks! I rarely get what they get & if I do, it's usually minimal. I wouldn't even mention my sick if it had been a cough or annoying runny nose or whatever, but this time it was bad! Bad for almost all of the 3 weeks! Needless to say, I knew I was going to need time off, I just didn't know how much, so I quit.

Tupperware was going extremely well! All of my parties have been successful & so much fun! I LOVE doing it! The bad thing is, I recruited 2 people & lost my network. The people in my community are just not devoted enough friends to care whether or not I succeed. With the exception of 1, but I recruited her, so she's in it with me. Her network is a bit bigger than the people I know here, but the people in it are just as unwilling to help. Being a hostess for a party is a grand thing, not a nuisance, or it shouldn't be. We will send the invites, we will bring what we need - all you do is supply the guests and get a couple of outside orders because it really does help to ensure a successful hostess crediting. & being a hostess, the potential to get LOTS of stuff for free is a huge draw in my eyes. That was why I had my own party.

Princess fluffy fart is an absolute angel in school and most of the time at home. Now I understand why people say girls are easier as young children & boys as teens. It's been proven to me. Dew is still a pita. Still squealing & I am trying so hard to get him to stop. He's just too old for it. As far as the big boy here, well, he's the same. He's growing up so much & I have a lot of respect for the things he wants to do with his life. I just hope he does what makes him happy & in the end, does everything he's capable of. He's such an underachiever in school. *sigh* I know he's capable of so much more. And the oldest. The young man, well, I love & miss him, as he still doesn't talk much to me. Once in a while I will get a return text or phone call, but again, it's been over a year. Right now, I think he's trying to sort things out. I am one of the things I think he has to decide on. Was I good enough? I'm not sure. All I know is that I have tried to do my best by him.

Funny, when I say that it brings me to feeling like my mom's words. Being a mom myself, her good enough was good sometimes. There are other things, though - that I would NEVER have done. I think my "good enough" is so much better than hers was, at least when it came to me. But that's my opinion alone.

Just plain busy!

2011-02-28T11:20:00.003-06:00

So I sign up to be a Tupperware consultant & my Walmart app goes thru, they call for an interview. Days later, I'm working in the deli! I have 2 jobs now! My first 2 parties are on Thursday & Friday this week - I am uber excited about them. Can't wait to get going on that.

I am enjoying working in the deli, something I didn't know if I would. I picked it up lightning fast and feel like I've already been there for months. I know how working with the public can be, but you get what you give. Give a smile, get one back. Going in at 4:pm today & closing for the 3rd time. I hope I can do something else besides the cases today. They're not all that terrible, but I want to do more than just that. I close with someone other than Lucy, so we'll see how the work is doled out.

I have 2 sickies @ home today. Princess Flufffyfart has been battling a fever since Saturday. A flu strain, I'm positive. Now the Dude is feverish, too. I am hoping I don't get it.

One Monday to the next

2011-02-14T06:59:00.003-06:00

& it is just endless, right? The Mondays just keep coming.

Things are different this week. I am still a Tupperware consultant & had a semi successful grand opening party. Because I was being trained, there is no commission and I am very cool with that! My director offered up the gifts & incentives for my 3 party datings. Hopefully, I can get Amanda's TupperConnect party going full swing this week. I will just have to kick her in the rear. She's not only a customer, she's also my friend. Rear kicking is allowed. :)

& I go back for interview number 2 today - with Walmart. The first one went well, the manager I talked to was very talkative. She was also very nice, a good thing when you know that's who will be telling you what to do and who you'll be working with side by side.

I also have Princess Fluffyfart's V Day party at school. And, and it feels o warm outside. Amazing how sub-zero temps make 40 degrees feel balmy.

Monday Mornin'

2011-02-07T06:57:00.002-06:00

& I feel fine.
Friday...I got travelin' on my mind.
First you love me, then you say it's wro-o-ong.

Had to break out in song. It's one of those mornings. I don't have them often. If you could see me, you'd laugh. I'm like Rocky before a fight. Dancing around, shaking my hands. Getting ready. Are you ready for this? I need to go back to work. Yep, after 11 years without a job - 14 without a permanent job (two months recruiting for the US Census was kind of cush), I have to go looking for one now.

So, where do I look? What should my plan of action be? I already applied for Wal-mart & Pizza Hut. I have experience at Pizza Hut. Never mind that I was in my teens. I'm setting off to Dollar General this morning. We shall see how things go. After so may year without a job, it's kinda scary. My skills, the few that I had, are far from polished. I am dead tired this morning & my stomach is a mess. It's probably because of the polish sausage & sauer kraut for dinner yesterday, or maybe the salsa I snacked on (onion don't always agree with me). I'm not sure, but it's unpleasant.

The last week in my life has been trying & stressful - probably more than any other thing I've gone through. I have to stay strong & try to figure everything out. I've spent too many years lying on my back with tons of bootprints on my forehead. Raise a glass & wish me the best.

Gee, I never thought it, but...

2011-01-21T14:31:00.002-06:00

I am going to be a Tupperware lady. I am quite excited and looking forward to a 15 hour work week & parties & people. Soon enough, I will have a Tupperware online presence. Anyone, from anywhere can order. Neato burrito!

The other night at dinner...

2011-01-17T12:45:00.002-06:00

Beef stew, in case anyone was wondering. Dockman is helping himself into a conversation about 9's muskles (ala Popeye). He suggest the child lift his sleeves so we can all get a glimpse of his awesome pipe wrenches. He mentions to the kid that "...if you were green, you'd be like the Hulk!" The daughter from left field "If you were brown, you'd be the color of poo." Matter of fact.

I was re-reading some old posts and I realized, there is a lot of memories in here. It's a good thing.

On another note, I am in the middle of Robin Cook's novel Marker. I like a good medical thriller & he hasn't disappointed me in the past. The one thing I question, do the people he surrounds himelf with really talk the way he has his characters talking? I just can't imagine any of my friends or acquaintances speaking that way, not about the jobs, either, in just regular everyday convos. But, hey, none of my friends are MDs or coroners either.

As always...

2010-11-29T19:28:00.003-06:00

I read & then it makes me want to write. For example, in a description of someone's library: The books, there were so many books. A vast majority of them were paperback. You look at the spine and can tell most have never been left open on the arm of the chair, the next page teeming with expectation. The spine is smooth & un-ribboned.

The girl thinks with so much logic

2010-11-26T02:20:00.002-06:00

And she is sooo truthful. Well, when she's not getting in trouble. She had another doozy today, I should have written it down. Her thoughts seem so streamlined & correct. I dunno where she gets that from. I may still remember what she said.

I ate too much today. Happens every year.

2010-11-25T13:14:00.001-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

OMG! I'm not dead!

2010-11-23T05:20:00.007-06:00

Wow, over a year and a half ago I last posted here. I just lost the desire to spill my guts on the blog. I did notice that most of it was pretty boring, anyhow. I did forget why I started it in the first place. The biggest reason was the random thoughts I would have & want to share. Then I discovered the blogging community. That took me away from life for a while. I'd spend way too much time reading all the other blogs. And it was great! I enjoyed it, but it was too time consuming & I couldn't waste my day away on that. & I wasted many, many days.

I know I've mentioned in the past that I watch a lot of television. Now I have DVR. Even more television. That's one thing I do too much. I will muse about shows that I love (GLEE!!!!!!) and shows that I laugh at & would never put on the tv (Bad girls club...ftw).

I home schooled my daughter for kindergarten. Before the year was even over, I knew it was a fail for me. She, however, had a different idea. I entered her into the first grade in August this year and her teacher, bless that woman!!, always beams when she talks about how well my daughter is reading. She is the top reader in the class, head and shoulders. Not only that, but from my end I am so impressed with her ability to calculate numbers. That was where I thought she would have trouble & she's stellar. My biggest fail with my daughter, it turns out, was my inability to socialize her. While she is an ace in the academics, she cried everyday, several times a day, for the first 3 weeks. And the first thing that comes to mind when one reads this is..."awwww, how sad..".

It was sad, so very sad...for her teacher & all the other people her wailing affected. I apologized a few times to her teacher, bless that woman!!, because while I thought my daughter was gently sobbing at the thought of missing me, it was not so subtle. Nope. She let out her howls for every little thing that didn't go her way for just about the first three weeks. I shit you not, loud, obnoxious, howling cries. She still cries in class, but no where near as often & she has toned it down immensely.

I went to work with the kids in Centers last week and her friend K. told me .."she didn't even cry ONE time last week!!" K.'s eyes were wide & she was very proud of her friend. I almost cried.

7 is now 9 and is the bane of my existence. Still. I think I will worry about that boy for the rest of my life. He is still an amazing little dude he's just so difficult to raise. The most challenging thing I've ever done in my life is this kid and he's only 9.

14 is now 16, and while much improved & sometimes my saving grace, he is a royal pain in the ass. Great kid, bad arguer. About the stupidest things & most often I just shut my mouth. But sometimes I just can't let him think he's got it right. Of course those times, I end up super pissed & ready to take his tongue out & feed it to the cats. Is there such a thing a shaken teen syndrome? If not, then maybe I'd feel okay doing that...just once in a while.

The random thought that got me out of bed today: I HATE, HATE, HATE those stoopid kit kat commercials. For the love of PETE, would they please stop making them!? Who wants to hear people eating so loudly? I taught my kids to eat with their mouths closed & now Nestle has gone & ruined it all! Not only that, but the damn candy bars do not make that much noise - until the children try to make them make that much noise. You suck, advertisers. The person who thought that up, well it's people like them that brought about the need for lobotomies.

All that said, it felt good. Maybe not every day, but when I need it.

Summer is here!

2009-06-11T18:49:00.003-05:00

The weather sucks. Things have been hectic over the last week, but it's been fun having them all around. Is it time to start school again? ;)

I want to plan some fun free things to do this summer (weather permitting, which it hasn't yet). We live only 40 minutes from the Nat'l & State Lakeshore (Lake Michigan) and our beach days are always fun! I like taking them to the park, but not ours. There's a drainage ditch right next to it, so the mosquitoes are terrorists there. If they weren't still working on the school, then I'd go there. I'm thinking it's time to investigate parks in near by towns.

There is always the library, too. I'm just so bad at maintaining a relationship with the library. I like keeping my books. It would be fun for the kids & maybe a sacrifice I have to finally break down & make. *sigh*

I know I can keep us all busy. Over 4th of July weekend, the inlaws will be out at the lake. I have some photos of the kids on Grandpa's new boat. Over Memorial day weekend, we got to go for a few rides, then the following weekend, too. They LOVED it! Having never been on a boat before, I was excited to go. After all was said & done, it was no biggie. Kinda cool being on the water & going fast, but I kept thinking one of the kids was going to go flying out of the boat. If all of us were adults, I may have enjoyed it a bit more. I am sooo paranoid sometimes, even though they were all wearing vests.

There really is so much to do around here. I want to check more out.

Interesting week

2009-05-29T11:37:00.002-05:00

My kids have all of next week left of school with Friday being a half day. Then I'm committed for the rest of the summer, literally. ;) While I look forward to summer, I can't help but think this one might turn out to be tougher. 8 & 14 fight like cats & dogs often. 14 is always doing little things to antagonize 8. ALWAYS. I guess he loves to hear the screeches & whines that come out of 8's mouth, even though he's constantly complaining about it.

The week was interesting because the dynamic between the older 2 has gotten worse. I'm thinking for the earliest part of the summer, they will both be spending much time in separate rooms.

My niece & nephew are here for the weekend, both for the first time in a long time. My 2 youngest are stoked! 8 keeps telling me "I love my cousins!".

14 & my nephew are participating in an overnight air-soft war. 14 has been looking forward to this weekend for over a month. I know when he gets home from school he'll be an impatient wreck. He's done these air soft wars several times & the last big one had around 80 kids. The family that hosts these things is a good family with at least 2 acres, so there's plenty of room for it. I know it'll be something he's talking about long after it's over.

The Garage sale

2009-05-19T17:00:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, I had a bit higher expectations. I didn't sell as much jewelry as I'd have hoped, but, I did sell all the stuff in my garage (save a few books) & was even able to give away a broken lawn mower that's been sitting in the garage for over a year.

Overall, it was a success and I got several of my business cards floating out there, now! I had no idea that I would sell some of the things I did, like a big cast iron cookware set, 3 old bikes, an old glider/ottoman set & an old working vacuum. The cast iron was a fun one because the woman who bought it was looking for that specifically. She called her hub because he was the one who wanted it, and he was chuffed. I could hear his excitement on the phone. That was pretty neat, to me anyhow. ;)

I took some time this weekend to reflect on some things...namely me. I can make things & do it well. What I have never been good at is being a sales person. While I love creating, I'm not good at the selling part. I guess there's some work for me on the horizon - self improvement stuff. Isn't that always the case, though? In every aspect of life? A woman's work is never done, no matter the type of work.

Song Infatuation

2009-05-11T18:01:00.000-05:00

I have been hearing lots of new music I love, lately. It's that time of year (is there a time of year, or a few times per year, when it's common for new music to be released? It feels like there is. ;) )& there are many new CDs being released.

I have been infatuated, like I get with some songs, with the new Depeche Mode song - Wrong; the new Papa Roach song - I Almost Told You That I Loved You; not so new, but a great song by Rise Against - Savior; Silversun Pickups - Panic Switch and Kings of Leon - Closer. I just want to make a CD that has these 5 songs on it over & over & over again. Song infatuation, cause I can't hear them enough in a day. Each one has it's own endearment. I wish I never got tired of those songs I play over & over again, but just like real infatuation, it wears off eventually. I'll enjoy the newness of it while it lasts!

Some movies

2009-05-04T23:48:00.003-05:00

Typically we rent movies at least once a week. It's been slow on that front, lately. Partly because there hasn't been all that much we've wanted to watch & partly because this economy sucks.

This weekend we rented a few titles. One was a Sci-fi original called 100 Feet with Famke Janssen. It's about this woman who was convicted of murdering her abusive husband, then, upon her release, is sentenced to one year on house arrest in her former home. It turns out, her hub still haunts her home. Over all, it might just be something worth catching on cable. The parts where I expected something to happen, it didn't. Kind of left me feeling dull. In the end, there was some good suspense & a bit of gore, which I expect in this type of horror film (or supposed horror film). I know ghost movies are unrealistic, but the ones that leave you feeling like "it's possible" are the good ones, this one was NOT that way. Part of the ending was ludicrous.

We also rented both Bolt & The Tale of Despereaux. I enjoyed Despereaux, but the little ones didn't so much. I think it was too much story. On the other hand, the little ones LOVED Bolt! I enjoyed the humor in it.

The movie I was somewhat surprised by was The Uninvited. That one had a good twist I didn't see coming. Sometimes I see that stuff & sometimes I don't. This one was GOOD! Loved it!

I am seriously hoping to have more to talk about soon. I am still making jewelry feverishly for the town wide garage sale, sold a bit more to my neighbor's sister & they are going to set up a party for me (how wicked!!). I took a photo of my work area today, but them my batteries died. SInce they are charging, I will upload a pic tomorrow. I don't think my desk has ever been so over worked. ;)

Busy and stagnant

2009-04-22T01:12:00.004-05:00

That's just how it's been lately. I'm in the process of getting ready for our town's annual town wide garage sale. It's a pretty big deal & up until this year, I never had anything to sell...not really. This year I can clean out my garage & sell/get exposure for my jewelry. I have to work on flyers to give away at the thing. Hopefully, I can generate some scheduled parties!

I dunno if I'm going through a midlife something or other or if I'm just trying to figure out the day - each day. I feel very socially unmotivated, whether it's out in public or on the internet public. I keep thinking how important it is to me to get back into my blog. I miss it & the people I've gotten to know.

I didn't watch the show Bones too much before last year, but boy am I addicted to it! I love the humor in it. There are many crime dramas out there that incite a bit of humor here & there, but this show...wow! I laugh out loud a lot! The team of actors just seem to have awesome chemistry together. I am grateful the last couple of weeks have given me a couple extra eps to watch. Nothing cooler than that.

I'm sure when I'm ready, I will delve more into my issues. Maybe once I work them out, I will actually have more to offer.

Another day...

2009-04-08T09:28:00.003-05:00

At least it is supposed to warm up again. I was really hoping we were done with snow, but this weekend threw us for a loop, well, Monday did, anyhow.

Now that ER is gone, at least I have my Fringe back. Yay! I have a thing for Sci-fi. Last night's show was no disappointment. The chemistry between Josh Jackson & "Walter" is fabulous, love how the son is always censoring & curbing his dad! & Walter is so endearingly nuts. When I first started watching, I didn't like the woman who plays Olivia at all, but she has really grown on me & does a wonderful job with the character's indifferent emotional connection to just about everything. It works. Except on last night's show, she had an incredible bond with a feral "child".

I know it's been a while since I really blogged. I can't say that nothing has been going on because it has been quite eventful. Especially concerning 14. I know he's going through a buttload of weird changes he can't articulate, but why oh why does it have to be so hard on us, the parents? A few weekends ago, I actually told him to pack a bag & go. When he's had me in a headlock & is screaming how much he hates me over & over & over again, what's a mom to do? So, he did. It was 11:00 pm & he walked out the front door with a suitcase. I told him he couldn't go to the neighbor's (the only place I cold see him knocking on the door at that time) and spent the next 2 hours driving around, wondering if there really was somewhere eles he might have felt comfortable going to. I knew there wasn't.

I've left a good deal out (like how it all started because 14 was bothered by Princess Fluffy fart's talking to her toys and I refused to tell her to shut-up; & how I just told him over & over again to go to his room if it bothered him; & how as he walked to his room he called me a retard; & how I followed him to his room & smacked him 2 times upside the head - YES, because a 14 year old shouldn't ever call his mom names - EVER!!), but long story short, we ended up calling non-emergency & got an officer to the house (I told him all the nasty truths, even what I did). He was getting ready to leave to file a runaway report & he & my hub were going to search for 14 again, seperately. Mr. policeman flashed his light into the hub's car & the boy was sleeping (or appearing to sleep) in the back seat. Officer talked to him & 14 listened & agreed he had it good & seemed puzzled as to the circumstances becoming what they were at the time.

Fast forward 2 weeks. I am feeling apprehensive about parenting 14 because he really did put me in a headlock & now it seems eveytime I have any objection, he has no problem at all going toe to toe. If I get in his face to correct shit behavior, he seems okay with a chest bump to knock me back a bit. I expressed all of this to the hub & 14 WILL NOT mess with him. He'll talk & be a smart ass, but he would never chest bump. Unless they were messing around. Now, we both talk to the kid. I am super heated at first because I am just fed up. Fed up with the apprehension & doubt. Dont' get me wrong, I'm not so much afraid of him. I am afraid of what I might do if he did ever really retaliate. I could get out of a headlock, but could I forgive myself if he punched me & I punched him back? I don't think so.

After reading this, it seems there's much back story missing. He's my height & not a large kid. He has a hot temper once in a while, much moreso now that puberty finally hit. He is usually easy to forgive, but lately, he's been festering stuff. We all know what happens when you don't deal with the issues in your head. This kid is a very good kid aside from his mouth. He isn't an f-bomb kid, he just likes to argue & be right & talk back. His grades in school are the best since we've lived here and I am so proud of him for that - As, Bs & one C! He isn't out gallivanting, he's responsible for checking in with me on time, coming home on time & telling me where he's at, but mostly he stays home with us. So, how does a good kid go bad? Hormones.

Back to the fast forward...he was at it again & I was steaming. Dad came along to try & calm things down. Dad was talking calmly to the kid. Of course, I had to interject some of my 2 cents because the boy was reaming me - when I - his caretaker, who taught him what he knows, who gives so much of me to him, who loves the deepest without prejudice, without condition, who stands up for him, etc - and Dad told me to shut-up. What kind of message does that send to the kid? A bad one (don't worry, we worked that one out after). I know I was just fueling the fire with my words. He gets grounded for a solid month with nothing. We are believers in improving behavior deserving reward. So, even if one gets grounded here, if they show marked improvement, they get time off for good behavior. Not sure if that's a good working system, but I do know that it helps with keeping them all in line more often.

Grounded for a month & he has to tend to his pig-sty right now. He sin't supposed ot eat or drink in his room, yet there are pop cans & wrappers hidden in his desk drawers, under the bed, etc. Dad gives him an hour to make progress or WE are cleaning for him. Very little progress after one hour, so we take over, for a little while. Eventually, he cleans most of it. It took over 2 hours, even with our work (we had to stop because some things were just too much). All seems better with our world for a few days and he is an angel.

I did say a few days. He complains again about his little sister making too much noise ( this is about a week ago) and won't let up and he's constantly fighting with 8. I tell him, as usual, if he doesn't like it he can go in his room. He pitches a fit & we argue, no chest bumps, no scary behavior, just him yelling a lot. Shortly thereafter, I get a notebook slid out to me. Of course, I am thinking this is going to be a bash letter, telling me all the things I'm doing wrong because as he walked into his room, he told me he was the way he is because of me, I did/do too much for him (I kid you not, that's what he said). It isn't a bash letter at all but the extreme opposite. He told me things he wasn't comfortable verbalizing & that he knows how good I've been to him. He told me there was a kid at school harrassing him & a girl he didn't know how to ask out & that he's going through all these changes he deosn't understand & school is getting tougher, etc, etc. The letter made me cry & I went into his room & told him he wasn't going through any of it alone. We talked for a while & worked a lot of it out. I asked him why he hadn't told his dad about the kid harrassing him because Dad specifically asked him that question & 14 told me that I should know by now that he's not comfortable talking to his dad about stuff like that.

After all, it felt like a breakthrough. Things are quite back to normal & when the kid gets upset about something I've told him or asks me why I'm getting upset after he hasn't listened 3 times, I am back to explaining that I get tired of saying the same things over & over again. Normal because instead of throwing a fit, he calms down & seems to understand his place again.

The very last episode of ER

2009-04-03T08:55:00.002-05:00

Was not a disappointment! Just like so many episodes, it had me on the edge of my seat, verge of tears or causing a quick giggle. I have been a watcher for all 15 seasons. It is one of only a few shows I tried to never miss. At the end, of course the suggestion is that they go on doing what they're doing, but for me, to not be able to take part in the journey emotionally week after week, well - that makes me sad. I know, it's a silly show. I loved this one & missed the cast that has gone & will miss the ones I can no longer watch.

I remember when a few cast members came along & I couldn't stand them (Archie, Gates, Brenner) and after a few eps, they were endeared to me. The only one I never liked, but was still sad to see such an ass leave because he made it interesting was Dr. Romano.

I'll miss it & nope, re-runs are just not the same. :(

Springtime seems to be here to stay!

2009-03-17T09:00:00.004-05:00

For that I am truly grateful! The warmer weather has us all hanging out outside, me getting some much needed maintenance done around here. I had some wall patching to do. 14 was being, erm, too active in the bathroom. (???) He jumped up to touch the ceiling (???) and his elbow came down hard on the towel bar. Needless to say, I put fixing that off until now. This will be the 4th time I'm getting a towel bar up in there since we moved in. Maybe this time it will remain securely in place. A girl can hope.

I'm listening to the sound of birds & it is remarkable! This was just a long & dreary winter.

8 celebrated his 8th birthday, hence the change to 8 instead of 7 when referencing him. Last week, I thought about posting a tribute to him & his 8 years with us, but I never got around to it. He was always a happy baby - ALWAYS! The perfect baby, but all my babies were good. I feel like I cheated because they were.

I got a new computer & can't find my power cord for my external HD. I can't add the old photos of him without it. If I can find it before the weekend, I'll share a photo tribute to him with you all. He was so cute. He still is but doesn't like to be reminded so much any more. How they change, my how they change.

My daughter still has some fabulous things to say to us. The other day she told me I was warm weather & the hub he was cold weather ..."you're freezing, daddy" she said. The she told me I was so sweet & pretty & nice and she loved me so much. Having a daughter has its perks. I always thought daughters were daddy biased. Heh.

I also found out that a dear old friend of mine has been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I haven't had her out of my thoughts since last Sunday when I found out. If you could all send positive thoughts & prayers for her, I would truly appreciate it! Her name is Liz and she is an amazing woman with 2 gorgeous kids & a wonderful husband. She is a woman of great strength & I know she will fight it tooth & nail, coming away victorious!

I will host another auction for jewelry come October. This time the donation will be divided between the Susan G. Komen Foundation & the Caring Bridge website. Caring Bridge is a wonderful website devoted to those fighting & surviving serious illnesses. Those who are enduring can journal about what is happening in their lives to keep their families updated on what's going on with them. I know October seems a long way away, but it'll be here soon enough.

In the meantime, I hope you all are doing supremely well & that Spring fever has hit you all in the best ways!

Last Sunday

2009-03-06T14:20:00.006-06:00

14 competed in the Indiana Challenge Dance competition. It's ballroom dancing & they were in the newcomer category. He & his partner placed second among 9 couples. I thought it was awesome & I loved watching! There were some amazing dancers there & ballroom is SUPERB when you get to see it up close & personal. A whole lot of fun, for sure!

In this photo, the group of boys from 14's school are taking advantage of the photo op with US champ Yulia Zagoruychenko. If you search you tube, you'll find many videos of her - she is amazing!

Here is 14 & his partner with their instructor, Mrs. Clinton.

And here she is...

2009-02-24T05:44:00.003-06:00

She really is a beautiful baby! Neveah resembles her daddy for sure, but she does also look like her mom. She weighed 7#s 3 ozs.

Just after she was born!

A very happy daddy!

Neveah is so alert & just a doll! I wish I could hold her.

Proud papa! Home at last!

Happy, Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-14T09:58:00.004-06:00

I hope all of my friends in the blogging world will be spending a wonderful evening with someone they love, being happy!

On another note, last night, just before midnight on the west coast, my son Steven's girlfriend Bre gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Nevaeh! She is healthy & mom's doing great. I am now officially a Grandma! Great grandma says Nevaeh looks just like Steven when he was born!

I have an idea

2009-02-12T11:55:00.003-06:00

And I can thank Teri for it - I miss reading her (like so many of you), but by the end of the day, I am so done with sitting at my computer it isn't even funny. No complaints, because business is business.

My idea has to do with my back story. We all have one & this way, some of you who want to can know better who I am. Just little tidbits, is all I plan to write. Things that some may find interesting, maybe even a little funny, who knows. It's just something I want to attempt to work on. Maybe it will be soul cleansing, too.

The snow we had is ALL GONE! Completely. We had a minor heat wave, got into the 60s on Monday & Tuesday, plus rain. It's so good not to have any snow on the ground. It makes me happy & hopeful for spring.

LOTS of snow!

2009-02-05T10:08:00.003-06:00

I am a weather watcher. On Tuesday, I sat down for a while & watched the band of lake effect snow growing over Lake Michigan. A little after noon, it began to snow, then it was near a whiteout for a while. Around 1:45, I got a call from 14 asking me to come get them because they were getting out early - no surprise because the snow was coming down like mad!

We came home & I kept checking in on that band, on 2 weather sites. That thing just kept hanging & hanging & the line of snow kept growing upwards, meaning it was going to continue to come down here. And it did, boy it did!

By the end of it, we ended up with over 18" of snow. It is pretty & cool, but I am so over snow this winter, it's not funny anymore.

Just a comparison with a mailbox view - never mind the ladybug. ;)

Things I ponder and a Super Bowl WIN!

2009-02-03T09:55:00.003-06:00

My Steelers have done it again for a record SIX Super Bowl rings. It wasn't the most disciplined super bowl in history, not by any stretch. In fact, it probably was the sloppiest championship game I've seen in any sport in quite a while. The Cards & Steelers played some sloppy, chippy ball for a while, at one point the Cards generously offered 35 yards in personal fouls on one drive alone, not to mention one OL guy holding 3 times & getting caught 3 times. Sloppy.

I was more than miffed when the ref threw a flag that gave the Cards a safety on a ticky-tacky holding call in the endzone, when the Big Ben completed the pass to Holmes on 3rd & long to pick up the first down. It's stuff like that that makes fans wonder if a fix is in. It was a phantom call, no legit holding or impeding of the defensive linemen to the QB - simply a fall down grab of the jersey. Watching the refs all season, I understand that many calls come from personal judgement. In a game this important, that call should never be made, IMO. They say holding can be called on nearly every offensive play. If a fan watches closely, they can see that is true.

The outcome wasn't affected by that call, fortunately, but I couldn't help feeling incomplete at the end of this one. Not because I didn't enjoy the win, it was blissful, but because the call should have come to REVIEW the last offensive play by the Cards, where Kurt Warner was coming down & had the ball stripped. On the field it was called a fumble. It should have been reviewed to ensure it was the right call. I do believe it was close & I don't believe there was enough evidence to overturn the call on the field. How would it have affected the outcome should it have been overturned & ruled an incomplete pass instead, no one will ever know.

One more thing that bothered me. The final touchdown scored by Pittsburgh. Oh how I wanted to scream with joy & celebrate that play. Immediately, we knew there was going to be a review. That completey took the joy from the celebration. It was a legit review, had to be done. I just wanted to revel in the moment. *sigh* Awesome, AWESOME catch!

While watching commercials during the super bowl, some were funny, but most were boring. Anheuser Busch spewed some serious cash for their ads - so many! Watching that day & yesterday, all commercials, I often wonder why everything has to be so politically correct. The latest commercial for Verizon Wireless, the Italian family at the barbecue. Why did they remove the line "Not my real uncle, but he doesn't owe me money. He's a keeper." How is that offensive? Everyone knows it's never a good thing to lend money to family. It doesn't matter what type of family it is, either. It's just a no-no, relatively speaking. Dumb if you ask me. That line gave the commercial a bit of humor.

What? It's already Thrusday?

2009-01-29T08:41:00.002-06:00

Time...can't get enough of it. Kind of a miserable week, but I won't go into that.

Things are looking up, in so many ways. I think getting out what ails the soul is truly a helpful & constructive thing, no matter how it's done. Just so long as it is done.

I had a long & deliberate talk with my significant other after some very hurtful things & I know that happiness is here to stay. For a while, at least. Those hills & valleys are things we can set our clocks by...almost.

The kids are good & 14 is going to be participating in a junior dance competition. I am very excited for him, plus the fact that I think he got involved in it because of a girl in the first place. When it gets here, hopefully, I'll have some wonderful photos of him in action to share. He's never danced before, except in the gym class dance things, so we shall see how this goes.

7 is almost 8. His birthday is coming up around the bend. Last year his teacher & I decided to hold him back, not sure if I mentioned that blogging or not, but it was the absolute best thing we could have done for him. His maturity level, devotion to school work & responsibility are all right on target now. He's doing so well & not only am I proud of him, but he is proud of himself. That's the biggest improvement & the most I could have asked for.

Princess Fluffy Fart is growing & astounding me near daily. Her hair is finally a good length, albeit thin. My boys have nice, thick heads of hair - the girl is so much like me in so many ways. At least what I was when I was so little.

Change (life not blog...)

2009-01-26T07:30:00.003-06:00

I think everyone gets to a point in their life where some kind of change must occur to keep life from becoming stagnant. Maybe it's just me, but maybe it isn't. It feels like I'm reaching that point now. Some part of me feels unfulfilled. An early midlife crisis? Who knows, I just know that I have to do something different. Something for me because the last 14 years have been about everyone else.

Don't get me wrong, I have time for myself. I make it. I will spend hours at the computer on the days I feel like it, especially if I'm working. It almost seems like when I'm working, I don't do enough of everything else I think I'm supposed to do. Then I get in a grind. Yes, a grind. By that, I mean that I do the same things over & over again until I snap out of it. I lose myself for a time. It's one thing I don't like about myself. When I get lost, I neglect other things, like housework. No, we're not living in a pig sty, but it is rather dusty around here & I need to vacuum. I'm behind on laundry & I hate laundry. That's the reason I don't like to get behind with the laundry because it takes every ounce of effort to catch myself back up.

Then, along with that, there's the feeling that I'm not doing enough for my kids. Oh, I do & I do & I do for them. But what am I really doing? Is it substantial enough? Is it quality or just time.

Here I thought all this time I was being myself. I don't feel like I really know what that is...myself. A fool, I suppose.

This is not a pity party, so please don't feel bad. What is this whole blogging thing supposed to be about? An online journal. Read & be read, feel the things that others feel, too. Relate in a way that wasn't possible 10, 15 years ago. I started blogging that way & then it left me.

There's so much more I could go into, but I won't. I just know that change is on the horizon. Much needed for my mental health. Thank you - now back to our regularly scheduled programming. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Oh yeah - I have the hardest time designing a blog for myself. I don't know what I like or is it that I like too much, so my own redesign might take a while...

Time to reorganize!

2009-01-22T13:11:00.003-06:00

Over the next few days, there will be change going on here. I hope it will be for the better, with less clutter & a pretty up, while maintaining simplicity.

I do have my little Etsy shop browser on the sidebar, but I haven't uploaded new stuff. It's hard to keep paying to do that when no one is buying. My first wave of uploads went without a sale. Not that it's expensive, but it's hard to reconcile even small cost without generating any revenue. *sigh* My first stuff isn't as nice as my most recent stuff, though, either. Wish me luck with that! (the economy doesn't help with a product that is an impulse purchase, either. ;) )

I may just stick to offering sales on the blog using PayPal.

I think I need a better lamp

2009-01-21T08:25:00.002-06:00

Or something. relying on Mother Nature for photos isn't fun. I don't like taking pics of jewelry with a flash. I think it takes away from the natural look of the stuff. Today we have no sunshine & yesterday was perfect except I had no time to take the pics...*sigh*

Last week, my kids had a few snow, or rather, too cold to go to school days. 14 was talking about a comedian that one of his friends from school kept imitating. So, we spent some time watching him on You Tube. Jeff Dunham. For the last few days, all of my children, my husband & I have been repeating lines from his characters, but mainly from Achmed the Dead Terrorist. Dock will get out of the shower & call up "SILENCE!!....I keel you!". Out of the blue, the kids will come up to me, while I'm talking and utter the same phrase. Then we all start saying it, one after another. I also like to ask my hub if I'm pissing him "off-fa-fa?". After watching excerpts on you tube, we did enjoy the full Spark of Insanity show on Comedy Central this weekend. Jeff Dunham does an amazing job with the puppets. All of 'em are a crack up. Da-da-da-daaa!

Silence!! I keel you!

Making rounds again today and Inauguration/Superbowl madness

2009-01-20T08:20:00.005-06:00

Hey - 2 in a row - I must be MAD!

Thanks for the tips, Dee. I was definitely thinking simple this go round. I don't want things all cluttered up on here, I want it to be clean. I have an idea about layout, keeping it more focused up top & having all my "stuff" below.

I have to drop by Susie to see if she has any helpful Superbowl party snacks. I am excited about the Superbowl because my STEELERS are going again. They got the one for the thumb in XL, where they gonna put this one if they win?? I have to wait 2 (almost) long weeks to see.

Today is a special day. Historical & I hope this improvement resonates across the world. Change of this magnitude should impact everyone & hopefully, the world is a better place for my kids when they are grown.

More recent jewelry - I am getting better. ;)

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=73032&l=f5d6c&id=766248661

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=71127&l=bf4f3&id=766248661

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=71125&l=0742c&id=766248661

I have lots more but have to take photos.

I know I guess I shoulda called it...

2009-01-19T13:30:00.003-06:00

...a hiatus. I want to be back, I do. I just haven't motivated myself enough to blog. Plus, life hasn't been all that interesting enough to blog about. Some people are really good at making the ordinary extraordinary, like Carrie, Jaci, Candance, O'Neal, Kathy, Cathy, Michelle, etc. I'm not so good at that.

I have decided to revamp the place. Any suggestions are welcome & wanted. I want to combine my everyday blog & my jewelry blog. That way, my business gets some attention (much needed) and I keep myself motivated to blog. I am asking for suggestions because I want to provide a place that's appealing to the eye, plus easy to navigate while perusing jewelry. I will update the blog with each new piece(s) and add some every day life stuff once in a while.

Shout out to me - let me know how inconsistent I am, because I need to hear it. ;) Conscious effort, my new motto!!!

Monday, Monday

2009-01-05T17:14:00.002-06:00

La la, la la la la.

Boring weekend & I just wanted to make sure I post. I am busy working some blogs - yay!

The boys are back in school - makes me happy! Even if I miss them a little, there is much more peace here.

New Year, Fresh Start!

2009-01-01T01:15:00.003-06:00

Everything took me away for a while, but I am back & I look forward to reading everyone again!

Happy New Year!!!

Kids R' Great!

2008-11-21T23:17:00.003-06:00

The other night, I was lying down with the daughter. She was fidgeting, using her talking "Oobi" hand, having a delightful conversation with her stuffed animal & telling me she wasn't tired. I knew she was.

I began to tell her it was time for bed & she needed her sleep. After all my talking, she still claimed she wasn't tired. I rested my head gently on my pillow and with my eyes closed, I thought I might apply a tactic that has worked for me in other situations. I told her that "whoever falls asleep first, wins!". A few seconds later, she chuckled and said "are you playing a game?".

She won the "game". She fell asleep so fast after that! Funny how that stuff can be so successful sometimes & fall completely flat other times. Now, when she goes down for a nap or to bed, she brings up the game. She's been winning a lot lately. ;)

Another funny Princess Fluffyfart thing - Tuesday, Dock rented movies. He brought home Wall*E. Our wonderful little girl acted as if she was uninterested with a hidey smirk on her face. A few moments later, she told her daddy:

"If you brought home Kung Fu Panda, I would say I wanted Wall*E. If you brought home Wall*E, I would say I wanted Kung Fu Panda. I wanted Kung Fu Panda."

I'm thinking I'm nearing

2008-11-19T18:26:00.003-06:00

A time when I might actually get back to posting every freaking, stinking day! At least 5 days a week, anyhow.

I am busy with blogs for the time being, plus, I spent the last couple of days putting together a supply order so I can make more jewelry! It's going to be incredible what's in store! I have loads of cool components coming, not to mention a fabulous giveaway in December.

I'm also getting ready to participate in our town's Christmas Open House. It's town wide - great for exposure! I'm organizing & establishing myself for Jewelry parties, too. Hectic times, for sure. Hopefully, it's all for good and everyone comes out of it happy & satisfied!

I still miss you all & can't wait to visit more of you - I've been stealing visits when I have a free few minutes.

Once I start making more jewelry, I will be posting pictures galore! I'm so excited - you have no idea!

Just wanted to share...

2008-11-17T10:41:00.005-06:00

November 17, 2008

Mrs. Alexis Xxxxxxxx
xxx x. Xxxxxx Pl.
Xxxxx,IN 00000

Dear Mrs. Xxxxxxxx,

Thank you so much for your contribution of $140.00 to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Your support is hard at work bringing us closer to our goal of saving lives and ending breast cancer forever by empowering people, ensuring quality care for all and energizing science to find the cures.

With nearly $1 billion invested to date, Susan G. Komen for the Cure has become the world’s single largest source of nonprofit funds dedicated to curing breast cancer at every stage from the causes to the cures, to the pain and anxiety of every moment in between. In fact, since we started in 1982, practically every advance in the fight against breast cancer has been touched in some way by a Komen grant.

Working with friends like you, along with survivors and activists in 125 U.S. cities and around the world, Susan G. Komen for the Cure serves the breast health needs of millions, and has helped save countless lives.

Again, I want to express my sincere appreciation for your generous donation and your commitment to our promise to bring an end to this devastating disease. The success of Komen for the Cure is made possible through the considerate support received from corporations, organizations, survivors, advocates and individuals like you. Because of your help, we are one step closer to creating a world without breast cancer.

Sincerely,

Hala Moddelmog
Chief Executive Officer

To comply with the IRS requirements regarding charitable donations, we affirm that no goods or services have been provided to you, in whole or in part, in consideration for your contribution. This letter will serve as confirmation of your donation for income-tax purposes. Komen tax I.D. #75-xxxxxxxx.

(I'm not sure if I should leave that in there or not)

Susan G. Komen for the Cure 5005 LBJ Freeway, Suite 250 Dallas, TX 75244

The week from hell...

2008-11-13T09:39:00.003-06:00

...is finally OVER! I won't bore you with details, let's just say our home is a brighter, much happier place, now. ;)

In the meantime, I have mucho catching up to do! I will be stopping by many of you after some important blog redesign business (I'm working on a few things). Watch out for me! okay, maybe not, but I've been missing you all! (big deal, right?)

For now - drop by Indelible Creations to see what's up for the Holidays! I'm offering a special Holiday Blog Redesign special! The Holiday package is priced at a $20 discount!

I know! Somebody KICK me!

2008-11-09T00:59:00.001-06:00

I has been waaaaay too long. I have been uber busy, not to mention the last 2 days dealing with more computer meltdown stuff. YAY!....not!

Anyhow - tomorrow we have plans to visit the inlaws (just me & the kids, Dock never goes & they're HIS parents) , so that means I probably won't be blogging again tomorrow. I'll be back around again soon! I miss you all!

Finally! Perfect Match belongs to....

2008-11-04T01:13:00.003-06:00

Karol! Awesome! Karol is a fab lady (fun & funny & super sweet) & so deserves this beautiful set! I am so glad you won one of the auctions because you were in on every one! It really is a beautiful thing - having you all be a part of this, my first charity auction! Maybe next year, the turn out will be bigger & the jewelry will be even better (the "jewelry better" part will be for sure - I have big ideas!)!

Karol's auction win brings us to a grand total of $140 donation (I rounded up from $138.23), that's better than I imagined we could do! Whoo-hoo! I don't know how the donations are acknowledged, as I've never done it before, but once it's accepted, whatever note or info I get I'll post it here.

Karol - I will be sending you an email (I meant to do that sooner - life sometimes fouls up my plans). I also was going to send that out today - but I didn't get to the post office (and ran out of my bubble envelopes). Tomorrow it will be!

Thank you all so very much for donating for beautiful pieces of jewelry & for such an important cause!! Our little donation may bring them a tad bit closer to a cure! I love you guys!

In honor of Halloween -

2008-10-31T07:33:00.007-05:00

I present my favorite ghost movie (not the whole movie, just a video with images from the movie - trailer like). 13 Ghosts!!! Mute the sound of the vid & listen to the song that goes with the movie - reminds me of the movie and is on the soundtrack. Today only, I will let this song auto-play because I love it!

I know this movie isn't for everyone, but it is my all time favorite Ghost movie! If you don't like creepy, scary, gory don't watch.

It is on right now (scheduled post :D)! Yahoo! HBO rocks my socks! Oh yeah - in 2005 we made Kyle up to be The Jackal - don't mind the photos of the photo. I wasn't great, but it was fun. Not many people knew who he was, but those who did thought it was cool! We didn't want to creep him up completely because my other 2 were little, little.

Man...I am going to really miss

2008-10-30T22:06:00.004-05:00

ER!! I loved seeing Ray tonight - how cool was that? As much as Aussie (Anspaugh's grandson or nephew, whatever) gigolo was on my shit list, he is actually warming up to me. It seems he is beginning to care, not just about what he does, but the women he's dissed. But - I was pissed he interrupted some catching up between Neela & Ray. It is Neela, the reason he's taking a new outlook. That's just my opinion, though & as much as I'd love Ray to stick around & become Neela's sig other - I think Nella & Aussie are going to hit it again.

I am loving Angela Basset in there! She is hard nosed with a purpose & maybe, by the end of the show, she'll start having some fun.

Any ideas on what to watch next season? My Thursday nights are going to suck with William Peterson leaving CSI & no more ER. How sad am I? That's been my go to for over 8 years. That's the one night of the week I religiously watch TV. What am I going to do...*sigh*

GH was awesome & I am glued tomorrow for the marathon! I know there will be a couple episodes I missed last season, then the awesome 7 hour live event! I'll miss the first hour (at least, I'm taking the kids trick or treating - which will be fun!!), but I'll be sitting in for the rest! Last year the live show was awesome!!

Scargosun - you said Steve (GH) sometimes bugged you - he's too soft spoken & heartwarmingly weird to bug me. Andy was awful & so was Brian! I have a hard time watching GH Internat'l because of Andy. Something about him just gives me the willies. And - huge congrats on the Phillies taking the big series - first Philadelphia Championship team since 1983! I was flipping back and forth during commercials. I had the feeling they were taking it yesterday.

I saw Sex & The City the movie the other day & I was impressed with the story! I miss that show, too - I used to watch that religiously. I didn't know how the movie was going to go - but man, it was good! I hated that Steve cheated on Miranda, but her reaction was worse. I love that Samantha was monogamous - that was funny! Charlotte, well, she is always happy. & Carrie - perfect ending! I loved the journey she took & in the end it worked the way I wanted it to.

It's funny how these characters get into your head. It was an emotional movie (no, I didn't cry, but some parts were really sad!) and a lot of it surprised me. The story just played out so well, IMO. The writing was always good on the show, I didn't expect much different on the big screen.

Now, I'm starting to watch August Rush (sad, so far) - another one I really wanted to see a long time ago, so I'm going for now. What movie have you seen or loved lately?

Nothing for tomorrow...

2008-10-29T23:49:00.003-05:00

I am here reading other blogs tonight. I haven't posted any comments because all day today (or it feels like all day because it was every free minute until Ghost Hunters came on) I have been uploading stuff to my Etsy Shop - you have to check it out! I have quite a few more things I am going to add in the next day or so. Hopefully, it won't take me longer than that. All those slideshow pics of earrings will eventually end up on my Etsy or on a new blog I set up just for my jewelry.

I have a few new types of beads coming to me (hopefully tomorrow) and I will showcase a few things on here once in a while. Christmas is right around the corner & my prices are extremely reasonable. I know my pieces are stylish because I even saw a necklace similar to one I created on What Not To Wear!! I was freaking out when I saw it because it was What Not To Wear (SHUT.UP.) & it was on their mannequin with a stylish outfit!!! I am proud of that necklace, which you can find here - Indelible Creations Jewelry.

I am not even in computer mode, but I wanted to post this. I wanted you all to see what can be yours. I pride myself on how well this jewelry making thing is coming along. I never knew I could be this good at something and LOVE doing it so much!

IYGAKAC or If You Give A Kid A Camera - my first time, but late.

2008-10-28T21:48:00.003-05:00

In honor of kids with cameras, I'm posting a few that my 2 boys here have taken. A few are from last year, around this time of year - Halloween was near. And a couple are by Andy from this past Labor day weekend. He loves to just walk around with my camera & it shows. he'll take pictures of anything -like a sparsely decorated...closet. Kyle, who is 14, loves to take pictures of our cat. You'll see that as time goes on & I participate.

If you'd like to join in - drop by Dysfunctional Mom & play! I know you have kid pics of your own!

Think Pink - Final item up for bid - Ended

2008-10-28T17:12:00.008-05:00

I meant to do this yesterday, but time got away from me. I also wasn't able to take a good picture of the necklace due to cloudy skies. Funny how I must rely on Mother Nature to take a good picture. Maybe someday, I will invest in a portable sun (good photo taking lamp).

I present to you, the final item up for bid. I'm calling this set Perfect Match because I really went a bit over board with the matching. Who says you have to wear it all together? I agree that my naming hasn't been all that creative. It is for a good cause, though! Think Pink!!

I created this set using a 3/4" silver toned fancy diamond(shaped) focal link, Translucent Rose and Satin finish Rose Czech Fire Polished beads. The Earrings are apporimately 2 and a half inches long, the bracelet is approx 8" and the necklace is 18".

The bidding for this set will start at $28.00. As always, this is for a great cause! 95% of proceeds will be donated to the Susan G. Komen Foundation.

Let the bidding begin!

Bidding for these earrings will end on Friday October 31, 2008. Good luck & I hope you'll win!

Huge thanks to all of you for donating for a great cause & for the pretty somethings worthy of the cause. You're all fabulous!

Infinite Beauty belongs to...

2008-10-26T19:04:00.003-05:00

Mamahut! She is still awesome! Thanks so much for bidding & I'm glad you won! I will send you an email shortly with payment info & I still have your address!

I can't tell you how much I appreciate you all participating!

I will be back tomorrow with a new and the last item up for bid! It will be a 3 piece set! Necklace, earrings & bracelet.

A post for the day

2008-10-24T16:05:00.002-05:00

Just cause I don't want to leave Friday without one. Maybe I'll be back later to say something more interesting. Probably, but the way I am there are no guarantees! I suck like that!

All y'all (I don't know either...) are super cool & I still have some blogs to visit, but 14 is telling me it's his turn and saying things like "poop on a stick" because he can't play yet & I'm "still commenting?". Off to finish up the beef stew (not eat it all, just finish the final touches)!

An old friend.

2008-10-23T01:54:00.007-05:00

I say that with a heart full of sadness. We made 2 trips tonight. One to Chicago to say good bye to a man too young to have gone & one to Dock man's place of employment because he - once AGAIN in a matter of weeks - locked his keys in his car. I had a lot of time to think & become more sad. I only hope this comes out sounding the way I want it to feel.

When someone dies and has lived a long, fruitful life it is sad, but acceptable. When someone dies and is young & hasn't had enough time to really live it is so much harder. Even when the closeness isn't there.

I went to the wake of a dear old friend. He was an old friend in the sense that I didn't get to know him as an adult. We knew each other very well as little kids & over the years our families have remained close. After a while, he was just a missing piece in all of the gatherings.

Let me tell you about him. I remember a very sweet, handsome boy. He was very handsome only I never would have admitted it. That would have let him know I thought he was cute. He was also a sensitive soul. Things that may not have bothered most of us, bothered him. He was highly intelligent. He loved Barry Manilow (I know! and we all used to tease him about it). He had a tenderness about him, he was thoughtful and had a smile that was engaging & could even steal the breath from an 8 year old little girl. He also had the cutest raspy voice that could melt a girl that got older. Our families were so close, it wouldn't have felt right.

I was not quite a year older than he was and we did spend a good deal of time hanging out (all of us kids, there were many of us because our parents had LOTS of parties together.). When we would spend summers with my grandparents, they were the next door neighbors. The family had 4 children & he was the oldest. When we were kids I really did know him well.

We all grew up, we all went our separate ways. When I moved back to Chicago back in 1991, I did spend some time with his family. They had a few parties & my dad would come out from Nebraska & we'd go hang out - again. But he was always absent.

I started to hear things about him. I heard how he'd gotten caught up in drugs & spent time in jail. I couldn't help but think it was so not how I expected his life to turn out. He seemed so above turning to that. I can't say that I knew all about his life when we weren't around, but I know it wasn't easy. As many kids lives aren't.

From 1991 to 2008, I saw him once. His whole family attended our wedding & he wasn't there. Every time I'd drop in to visit, he wasn't there. Every get together or party I'd go to, he wasn't there. I don't even remember seeing him at his own brother's wedding, but I remember he had to be there.

This much is telling to me. It tells me how he succumbed to a terrible disease. A disease that begins for emotional reasons & continues for physiological reasons. He was in a bad way for a very, very long time. At times his low was homeless low. Homeless & feeling like he had nowhere to turn. I remember hearing these things & not consciously believing them. Maybe I was simply turning a blind eye.

Early last year, he seemed to be getting his life together. Finally! He was around more, I'd hear from my mom talking to his mom. He was in love & planning a wedding. I was happy to hear this, I was happy for him. One day, 10 months ago, he slipped into a coma. Tonight, I finally found out a little more about that. He had a massive stroke. His brother mentioned that it may have been attributed to "a substance or a couple". No one really knows why. After 5 months, he awoke in a vegetative state. For a while, his mom got to take care of him at home. The last 5 months, he fought pneumonia a few times and finally couldn't beat it any longer.

I went to tell him good bye tonight. He was depleted. Skin and bones & that just broke me. Here I am watching all these faces that I haven't seen in a while and there is laughter & conversation and little tears. I know that his family was probably guarded for this. They probably had months to grieve with the knowledge that he wasn't going to remain that way forever. That I understand. What I couldn't grasp was how little I knew about him & how little we had to celebrate from his life. It was just. so. tragic. Usually, when there is laughter & conversation at a wake or funeral, it is because of memories of good times & talk about things he used to do or what he was like. There was none of this for that reason. It was small talk & conversations about other lives. I can't let that go for reasons I don't understand. It really bothered me.

I am grateful that his family got to let him know how much they loved him in those last months. I am grateful that his fiancee loved him & he knew it. One who suffered through what he did for so many years needed to feel loved. The reason he suffered was because he didn't feel that. For some reason, that is something I feel I know.

Gabe May 7, 1972 - October 18, 2008

Rest in peace & know you are loved.

Symmetry in Pairs belong to...

2008-10-23T01:44:00.002-05:00

Carey Sue!! She is a wonderful lady with the heart of a lion! Thank you, woman - for bidding & I'm glad you won! I will be in touch tomorrow with info for you & to ask you for info for me. ;)

I can't express how much I appreciate all of you dropping by & doing this! Soon, we will have a more than generous donation to help find a CURE!

Think Pink - fifth item up for bid -Ended

2008-10-22T11:55:00.011-05:00

I showed this set the other day, if anyone dropped by they saw it. I'm having a hard time coming up with a name for this and I think Infinite Beauty will work. The circles represent infinity & it is beautiful. So, there you have it.

This set is comprised of silver toned jump rings 8mm and 15mm in size. The rosy pink beads are Czech Fire Polished beads in a rose satin finish. They look much more pink in your hand. This set is accented with Cultured Natural Freshwater Pearls.

The earrings are finished with a ball ear wire, silver toned brass and the bracelet is finished with a lobster claw clasp. Earrings measure approximately 1 and 1/2 inches and the bracelet approx. 8 inches.

As always, click the images for a better view.

The bidding for this set will start at $18.00. As always, this is for a great cause! 95% of proceeds will be donated to the Susan G. Komen Foundation.

Let the bidding begin!

Bidding for these earrings will end on Saturday October 25, 2008. Good luck & I hope you'll win!

On another note - today I am off for a sad thing, a sad thing on our wedding anniversary (don't worry, it's never been a big deal for either of us & that's mostly me). I won't get into to details, but I will be back later tonight. The other auction will end when I get home.