I think everyone gets to a point in their life where some kind of change must occur to keep life from becoming stagnant. Maybe it's just me, but maybe it isn't. It feels like I'm reaching that point now. Some part of me feels unfulfilled. An early midlife crisis? Who knows, I just know that I have to do something different. Something for me because the last 14 years have been about everyone else.
Don't get me wrong, I have time for myself. I make it. I will spend hours at the computer on the days I feel like it, especially if I'm working. It almost seems like when I'm working, I don't do enough of everything else I think I'm supposed to do. Then I get in a grind. Yes, a grind. By that, I mean that I do the same things over & over again until I snap out of it. I lose myself for a time. It's one thing I don't like about myself. When I get lost, I neglect other things, like housework. No, we're not living in a pig sty, but it is rather dusty around here & I need to vacuum. I'm behind on laundry & I hate laundry. That's the reason I don't like to get behind with the laundry because it takes every ounce of effort to catch myself back up.
Then, along with that, there's the feeling that I'm not doing enough for my kids. Oh, I do & I do & I do for them. But what am I really doing? Is it substantial enough? Is it quality or just time.
Here I thought all this time I was being myself. I don't feel like I really know what that is...myself. A fool, I suppose.
This is not a pity party, so please don't feel bad. What is this whole blogging thing supposed to be about? An online journal. Read & be read, feel the things that others feel, too. Relate in a way that wasn't possible 10, 15 years ago. I started blogging that way & then it left me.
There's so much more I could go into, but I won't. I just know that change is on the horizon. Much needed for my mental health. Thank you - now back to our regularly scheduled programming. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Oh yeah - I have the hardest time designing a blog for myself. I don't know what I like or is it that I like too much, so my own redesign might take a while...
kids WW SYTYCD fiction tv daughter gall bladder life Dew Princess Fluffyfart RemembeRED Spring Thunder Storms Wordful Wednesday andewd behavior issues breast cancer awareness dad dreams family time friendship funny stuff honesty kid movies love mom music son teen pregnancy teens 4th of July American Idol Dear so and so Dock man ED ER Europe Friday fragments Halloween Illumination Poem Maia Miss Independent My Show Off Red Writing Hood SIX-Burgh Steelers SUPER BOWL Tupperware Writer's Workshop Zombie boy arguing baby farts barbaric behavior baseball big bees cat conspiracy cussing eating poorly etsy evil plan experiment failure field trip finale first ever husband follies inconsistency hiatus insanity insomnia jello shots kid photography kid pics life in general marriage midlife my issues nostalgia not so independent daughter pah-tay parenting pastabag rant short story silly kids slacker spilled milk stress tall tales? the little things true friendship unusual daughters upbringing weird wish wonky commercials writing analyzer